Hi all,
Yesterday, I attended the Early Pregnancy Unit for a suspected miscarriage. Due to complex PTSD from a violent sexual assault, I generally can't see male providers without prior notice, and sometimes only with my husband present in regards to female examinations. This has never been an issue. At my usual hospital, this is flagged on my chart to avoid misunderstandings and so I don’t need to explain. However, since I was bleeding, my midwife recommended I go to a closer hospital, where I’d been seen before (without any issues). I take it on board I should have mentioned it, however as I’d been seen before in the unit only a few weeks before and I’d only seen women providers. Again, I accept this was my mistake.
Unfortunately, when I entered the exam room, the midwife was male. I immediately panicked and explained that I didn’t know there would be a man present. He seemed visibly offended and dismissive, telling me to leave the room in an upset tone. Despite being visibly distressed and bleeding from a miscarriage, I ended up trying to comfort him by explaining my history. The situation escalated with him shouting at me, and none of the nurses intervened. They blocked the door and wouldn’t allow me to leave.
I was able to get out and to the reception, where I requested to speak to someone in charge so they could help. The male midwife followed me and continued shouting, saying I had verbally attacked him. He even told me to "get over myself" and shared that he also had a history of panic disorder. I felt utterly humiliated and helpless. Eventually, the lead midwife took me to a quiet room, but no one apologized or acknowledged his behavior.
What’s most upsetting is that during both a miscarriage and after sharing my trauma history, I was shown no compassion or sensitivity by this midwife, which is the complete opposite of the amazing care I’ve always received from the NHS, especially during feminine examinations.
I’m considering filing a formal complaint, but I’m worried it won’t be taken seriously. I was later told that others on the unit are afraid of this man and won’t speak up. I went to PALS, and they advised I file a formal complaint with the hospital, but I'm unsure if it will actually lead to any action.
I’m not entirely sure what outcome I want to see, except that I believe the midwife should have shown more compassion in such a sensitive situation. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Will my complaint be taken seriously, and where is the best place to escalate it?
Thanks in advance for any advice.