To be fuming that other mum is asking my son why he has extra time?

DS2 is ranked 99.4th percentile but still gets extra time because he has ASD and ADHD and it's written into his EHCP. His EHCP has ended now he is at uni but he still qualifies for extra time. No 'dodgy privately acquired assessments'. Just need. So there's not huge disparity between ability and performance.

There's a difference between equality where all regardless of need receive the same and equity where those with need receive fair support.

Some parents don't understand this. Perhaps schools could do more to provide understanding to parents so they didn't behave in this unreasonable way due to simple misunderstanding.

so....because not everyone has the assessment they perhaps should, no one should get extra time?

It is fairer that those with a diagnosis get the extra time. If they don't need it, they don't use it. It's fairer than struggling and not reaching your potential, particularly when for some, those extra minutes can make a huge difference.

The bigger issue of appropriate assessments, particularly if parents can't afford to pay or if picked up later rather than sooner is another issue and shouldn't distract from the needs of those who do have assessments.

I would involve the school, I would report her and say you feel she is overstepping asking your son inappropriate or intrusive questions and trying to interfere with school processes. She's a total busy body and needs to fuck right off a d get in her own lane, this is so out of order.

I am sure the school will have a word with her about this if you tell them. I remember a mother accosting my DD many years ago about something similar and when she told her teacher they contacted me and said to let them know if it happened again as they were not happy about it at all.

Sorry, just seen the explanation.

This.

This is it. This is what you should do. For Christ’s sake don’t do the “did you mean to be so rude” thing.

Exactly this. She's a rude twat.

Absolutely, I’d phone her and tell her.

@JustMarriedBecca It's not that 'gifted' is a bad word per se. I know it's a technically term used by the D of E. I just don't like the weight of expectation it can put on children.

I've never discussed it with mine, they're anxious perfectionists as it is without them feeling like they're expected to live up to a label that sets such high expectation from professionals.

I have 2 sons one is neurotypical and didn’t get extra time. One has ASD and does. Both are intelligent boys.

Guess which one got straight As in all his exams and which one managed a mix of Bs and Cs?

yes the neurotypical one didn’t need the extra time. My youngest needed this to even give him a chance of levelling the playing field. He didn’t get it in every subject either. And it was not easy to get - he was assessed in class tests to determine if he needed it

I suppose it depends on what exams are actually for. Are they solely to test knowledge on that individual subject? If so, then extra time makes sense.
If it’s to test knowledge but also other aspects such as working under pressure well or reading comprehension then it wouldn’t

(I think the former is correct, not the latter)

The answer my dd (teen dyslexic) gives these folks is 'because I do' and if they push 'it's none of your business'

I had extra time in an exam and was put in the same hall as everyone else. It was so off-putting when you're still trying to write and everyone's leaving.

My daughter gets extra time.
But I am not sure the system is entirely fair.
She gets extra time because I could afford to pay for a private dyslexia assessment. School thought she might be dyslexic but insisted she didn't need any adjustments (she's very bright so compensates well)

What about the children without parents who can afford to get extra help. Or the ones where school doesn't even spot an issue.

I wonder whether it might not be better to allow all children a longer time but also let children go after a certain point if they are done. (I wouldn't have wanted to do a longer time in the exam hall, I usually comfortably finished within the allotted time and still got top grades. Not boasting it's just a fact)

Another one saying this is the prefect reponse, I'd also report to the school

Everyone saying "don't engage" seems to have missed the facy she's speaking directly to your son

Yeah, don't tell your child to say the MN classic, "Did you mean to be so rude?" Never, ever irl have i heard anyone utter those words. It's so twee. Most people asking personal information are knowingly being arrogant and ill mannered or 'rude' so that comment would be lost on them anyway. It also makes the person saying it sound about 10 years old. Irl an adult would actually have the balls and maturity to say, "It's confidential information, none of your business so please do not ask me or my child about it again". Easy.

so many kids nowadays get extra time it makes it unfair for others

So many kids in the past who needed extra time didn't get and never got the grades they deserved. You consider that fair?

Let the school know. Give your son a suitable phrase to say eg. I really don't think that's any of your business, do you? or if he's not comfortable saying that to an adult, just tell him to say nothing, walk away, refuse to engage - if she follows, that gives you reason to start using the word 'harassment'. Be polite, professional. Dont' say anything you wouldn't dream of saying at work.

There is also a bit of evidence that extra time isn't helpful for some students and other adjustments are more useful.

At university I asked to be allowed to wear a watch or have a small clock on my desk because I have vision problems that can appear with tiredness/concentration/stress (which basically sums up finals!) and I sometimes struggle to read the clock at the front of the room and go back to my paper without getting double vision. Watches in exams had been banned as more smart watches were coming in, but I wore a normal analogue wristwatch I was happy for the invigilator to look at first or for the university to provide a watch or clock.

They said they didn't think they'd be able to accommodate that, but I could have 25% extra time! I declined and was allowed to have my watch in the end (plus a note to show invigilators), but I assume they offer extra time first because it's a standard adjustment and easy to arrange.

This woman should not be asking your son questions about personal matters. I would tell her to mind her own business.

There is a general assumption that clever kids couldn’t possibly need extra time, and that extra time is only for children with a learning disability or who are ND. DC1 has a circulatory condition that means she looses feeling in her hands and is unable to grip a pen if she doesn’t take frequent breaks from writing. Her consultant rheumatologist wrote to school informing them she should have breaks during exams, and needs to sit in a warm, draft-free room for them, meaning the sports hall with the doors open for a bit of fresh air was out of the question. She gets extra time, and a separate room. No one else really needs to know why though.

Who the feck is voting YABU ?!

Other unhinged Mums?😂

“Sorry I missed your call. However I understand that you have approached my son directly to ask him about private medical information. I find this deeply disturbing and have informed the school. The extra time he has is not your concern. Do not approach him again.”

And def tell the school. She is appallingly inappropriate.

'How dare you approach my child when he's alone and question him about personal issues?! I will be speaking to the school about your behaviour. Please mind your own business.'

The bitch needs telling to stay in her lane.

I agree with this