Bad ending to holiday with friend, AIBU here?

I hate to think it OP but do you think he wanted to share rooms to try to get some?

Every time he started up I’d have gone over and given him a shove! What an entitled bore he sounds. You on the other hand need to stop allowing him to organise and control you….holidays, time to get up, activities etc etc. It was meant to be yr holiday too and as I read it you had the most miserable time imaginable. I haven’t read the whole thread, so am suspecting this is the last trip away with him?? It certainly would be for me!

@ExhaustedAbroad1

I don’t think he is a friend, because a friend considers the needs and feelings of their friend and doesn’t use them for their own benefit.

It sounds like he has homed in on your ability to empathise and exploited it.

To help currently, can you listen to the white noise through earphones so he can’t hear it?

Not sure when you go home, but insist on doing something separately from him today as you are exhausted. Tell him you haven’t slept. And then sleep in the room when he has gone.

And then I think you end the friendship. He doesn’t seem to care about your well being, and is exploiting your kindness.

Also did you agree to the early starts? I think going forward you need to start asserting yourself. If he wants to wake up early and walk etc he can, but that doesn’t mean you have to. I would be seriously unimpressed being woken up unless we had arranged it.

It really does sound like he decides everything, start exercising some choices of your own with your friends op. You need to address your people pleasing and start advocating for yourself.

I'm really shocked that anybody is downplaying just how badly this man has behaved here. Although reading on mumsnet the utterly crap behavior so many people put up with, I guess I shouldn't be. As others have pointed out, this is especially true for women who are conditioned to be nice even to our own detriment, as evidenced in this post. Op, it is absolutely NOT ok that your "friend" has effectively forced you to share a room with him without checking you're ok with it, especially when he snores. And then waking you up super early without prior discussion? And then to have the nerve to wake you up when he knows full well he's been disrupting your sleep for the last few nights? That's one incredibly selfish, inconsiderate man! I would not stay friends with someone like this, especially when you sadly find it so hard to speak up for yourself, OP, and to enforce healthy boundaries. Please try to stay away from people who are not considerate and respectful of your obviously gentle nature. I hope you find your inner strength, lovely.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience, especially as it was your first time travelling internationally! Bad accommodation can really spoil a trip as no sleep impacts absolutely everything else. Personally I find that white noise on my mobile with good wired earbuds works for a lot of noise, but doesn't block everything and of course vibrations can be disturbing too.

Did he ask if it was OK with you to book a shared room? I appreciate that it might have been the only affordable option and that some people wouldn't mind, but I would be really surprised and uncomfortable to be blindsided by that, even without the snoring. It's an unusual thing for someone to just assume.

Also he's an arse to rage at you for (in desperation) finally doing essentially the same thing - making enough noise to disturb the other's sleep - that he proactively did to you and continued knowingly doing night after night.

You should be completely honest in the morning

‘last night you really scared me waking me up like that, if you need to wake me again please do so really gently. I needed the white noise to sleep as your scoring is really loud’

If he is any kind of friend at all he will apologise. You need an apology op. If he doesn’t take some responsibility then I would reconsider the friendship.

Honesty and straight talking is needed here or this will fester.

Snoring or not I wouldn’t want to share a room on holiday anyway. Could you not have booked an Airbnb and had two separate rooms? Lesson for the future whoever you go on holiday with.

Exactly what I said. And he booked the twin knowing that he snores. And he woke her at 5.30 to do stuff that HE wanted to do.
Not a nice person at all.

Some of the ideas people are offering for blocking out the snoring are making me think those people haven't experienced really bad snoring. Absolutely nothing could have blocked out my ex's thunderous snoring. It wasn't like normal noise, it was the low rumble that felt more like vibration that was so disturbing. Being woken every time you drift off to sleep is torture.

It's true that snorers can't help it. But they should try to understand how badly it affects others, and not expect them to just put up with it and then be cheerful in the morning after a sleepless night listening to an obnoxious noise.

Horrible: poor you. I’ve been reading this part in sympathy, but also wondering how on earth you’ve got into this situation - how would any man assume you’d be fine sharing a room without checking, how you’d be fine accepting that, how you could go through more than a night without talking about it in the morning and , frankly, if you’re skint and he’s the one with the antisocial snoring habit - whether it’s his fault or not - asking him to pay for another room for you, or at least go halves. If he didn’t I think I’d just put myself in debt somehow and go home. Screw him (metaphorically).

But then I remembered I did something similar when I was in my 20s - went away with a guy having no intention of it being anything but friends sharing, and I was irate when he made a move on me on a 32 hour train journey where I couldn’t escape. It ruined the holiday, of course. Friends afterwards said I was an idiot to share if I didn’t ‘want more’, which I believed then was bollocks: it made me angry people would bring everything back to sex. It shouldn’t have to be like that, I reasoned. I never gave him a come on: he never asked. Even now I’m rolling my own eyes at my own naïvety… a few decades on and longer in the tooth I’ve changed my take. I know this guy hasn’t threatened you as such, and is ostensibly a pal, and this isn’t about him making a move on you, but he’s got control of your space and called the shots in a domineering way. By agreeing to share with him you’ve put yourself in a crap situation. The snoring, the up-at-crazy-hour, the waking you up, the assumptions he can make decisions for you - all no-nos. Women can be too ‘nice’. Ffs! You’re allowed just to say no. Bolt on a thank you if you feel you have to be polite (!), but a firm no is the point. It helps if you can train yourself to spot the red flags early. By all means ignore, but I’d offer this up as advice to my younger self. I was rubbish at it. Then. I’m bloody great at it now.

if you’re determined to stick it out, then at least insist you spend this morning not yomping up hills or whatever but out finding some really decent earplugs. Good luck :-/

I know people like this. they cannot see others’ perspective. Challenge them in any way and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. You otoh must be told what to do if you step out of line. Plus he sounds horrible and inconsiderate. Life has to be on his term and from what you’ve said, he has no insight into how you may be affected by his snoring and behaviour.

These are all narcissistic tendencies. I also think you’ve escaped abuse but can’t see people for who they truly are right now.

His reaction was terrible. If he knows he's a snorer he shouldn't have booked you into the same room. And to be furious that we was woken up by white noise? Blehh.

I've got to say though- I'm a snorer & I genuinely can't help it. The 1st time I stayed overnight with a new partner I deliberately kept myself awake so I wouldn't bother him. The 3rd time I feel asleep and he had to go to his spare bedroom to escape the noise. I felt awful and haven't stayed the night since.

I'm sorry you've had such a crap time and I too would be reviewing the friendship, given how unsympathetic he's being. Not nice.

IDK. There are snores and snores! We have one friend who can wake people on the top floor of our house whilst sleeping 3 shut doors away on the ground floor.

our youngest son was similar. His tiny body seemed to have an inbuilt echo chamber that made his snores reverberate for metres.

He sounds bossy and unreasonable. I wouldn't want to travel with someone so aggressive they got uptight about white noise.

That being said, I quite often travel and share with friends and find this bone conductor speaker invaluable for sleeping. I can drift off to audio books or podcasts into the night and my roommate can't hear a thing.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0BJ2GL7MH/ref=ppx_od_dt_b_asin_title_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Oh do they leave today? Ok go home, sleep, and remember this is him- not a good friend and doesn’t actually care what you think/ how you feel or about your wellbeing.

She’ll miss her flight home if she does that.

Lie on your side and put the pillow over your other ear - it really helps drown the snores out

He sounds awful. I could not deal with sharing a room for that long, let alone with a snoring man. At least tomorrow you'll be in your own bed and need not go on holidays with him ever again. Waking you up at 5.30am is a dick move too. People who mess with your sleep are a walking red flag in my opinion. It's so selfish to wake up someone sleeping peacefully unless you need to.

Waking you up at 5.30 was incredibly rude and selfish. Who wants to get up at that sort of time on holiday?

Don’t get up in the morning. Say I’m catching up on essential sleep, since you think it’s fine to keep me awake but totally not allowed for me to keep you awake. Go away, I’m too exhausted to be nice.

I'm with those saying end the friendship when you get home. This is all very weird, aggressive and domineering. Fucking odd that he booked a twin without checking in the first place - that's complete over reach.

I'm sorry. I know how terrible sleep deprivation is.

Is there an en-suite bathroom? Pile the duvet and pillows in the bath

Record him snoring... Just in case you need to prove to him how bad it is