Bad ending to holiday with friend, AIBU here?

You should have told him when he first booked and mentioned his snoring he needed to change the room booking.

He sounds like a bit of a knob tbh. It's a shame you didn't record the snoring and play it back to him so he gets the message that three nights of that is far, far worse than a bit of white noise. He shouldn't have booked a twin room knowing that he snores. You're not in the wrong and you've every right to send him an email or text when you get home saying you did not appreciate him speaking to you like that, particularly given your DV background (if he knows about that).

My husband snores. He used to just snore if he slept on his back, so I would turn him onto his side and he'd stop. Now he snores wherever and however he sleeps. We have a spare room so now I either start off in there, if I have something on tomorrow that means I need a good night's sleep, or I start in our bed and move as soon as the snoring wakes me up. I'm 59 and I just can't cope with broken sleep the way I could when the children were small. It makes me feel so ill.I wouldn't share a room with anyone ( other than him) now. I need sleep,I want privacy in the bathroom ,I need to decompress after a day with someone who isn't my husband. The older I get the more of my own space I find I need. I would certainly never, ever share a room with a man I wasn't jn an intimate relationship with. I just don't want to know all those personal details about someone.

Knowing how badly he snores, he was really inconsiderate booking a twin room. Obviously didn’t want to put his hand in his pocket to pay for his own room. You are totally justified in your actions. I really wouldn’t be bothering with just a knob again - as a friend or a holiday companion.

He wasn't thinking of you at all when he booked that twin room. Where's your privacy? He knows he snores and he doesn't care that you won't be able to sleep. This is not a good man.

He sounds like an awful friend.

OP this situation sounds miserable. Don’t go away on holiday with this guy again. Holidays are for fun, not being sleep deprived. He really should have booked separate rooms if he is that bad of a snorer.

My DH snores like jack hammer. I use loop ear plugs which help a lot when we go away and sleep in the same room. At home, separate bedrooms. I went for years with serious sleep deprivation, then I recorded his snoring, and played it back to him. He was horrified and now sleeps in the guest bedroom. And, yes he has seen the doctor. His nasal passages are small, and he uses a spray and some nose stickers to open them…it is better, but unless I shut my door, I can still hear him down the hall.

Oh OP, this man is not a friend. I'd be reconsidering things massively.

But who cares if' it looks as if you're spoiling for a fight'? It would be entirely understandable if you were, after three nights of little sleep for a reason that could have been avoided if your friend had warned you he snores. You seem to be putting far more mental energy into what he might be thinking than into your own welfare. Centre yourself here. What do you need right now? Sleep. So get some sleep. What excursions you miss, or what he might think aren't important. Stop getting out of other people's way.

Do not go away with this man ever again.

You need to stand up for yourself. You’re being a pushover and he knows it. He’s an absolute arsehole.

My friend ( female) had to travel home to Italy for the funeral of granny. She shared a room with her sister for the first time in their adult lives. Her snoring was off the scale. Her sister mentioned it and it was denied, so the second night she recorded it on her phone. The following morning she played it back to her. The snorer was horrified at how loud she was. ( Their brother then set it as the snorers ring tone whilst her phone was unattended because they are siblings and that's what siblings do)

Entitled knob of a person. You deserve better.

I think for some the room sharing is a genuine cost saving thing without any bad intent. In isolation I'd give that the benefit of the doubt.

Personally, like many, I got to a point where I suddenly wasn't ok with it and that's fine. It's something that needs to be talked about and not assumed.

Did he know how little sleep you have had before this morning? My husband snores and I will move him/wake him to stop, he won’t always remember me doing it. I think if you wanted to go on holiday with him it would need to be seperate rooms.

Do not go on holiday with this man again. He sounds like a jerk. Really.

If you do go away with him again, knowing full well what he is like then it's all on you.

I guess you missed the part about being a previous victim of male abuse.

Or you just had an empathy bypass.

All of this, and yes to the Freedom Programme.

He doesn't sound very sensitive, I think you could try explaining that the white noise needed to be on that loud as his snoring was that loud. Headphones aren't comfy for sleeping.
For future, don't go on trips or at least don't share rooms with people you can't have a frank conversation with! He's being rude not to properly acknowledge the problem. It sounds like this was the last night but be very clear if he tried to plan future trips!

He sounds vile. Did he check you were happy with a twin room before hand? I would be uncomfortable sharing with any man other than my partner, even my close male friend of nearly forty years. If he did and you agreed, did he spell out the snoring issue to you?

You seem very passive about it all, and I think that reflects the relationship dynamic. He is in charge essentially. He seems to have planned the itinary, including early starts. He actually wakes you loudly to tell you off, does so again in the morning re the earphones, and now you feel he doesn’t want to discuss it any more. So you’re not. The power balance is all off.

Lots of boundaries pushed on only your first holiday . I’d be thinking carefully about what you are getting out of this “ friendship” Also, no matter how safe you feel he is , you can never be sure of this unfortunately. Women are attacked often by men they are close to.

Listening to snoring is absolutely infuriating and I say that as a snorer too!
Your friend has got a bloody cheek moaning how loud your white noise was when he knows he's disturbed you too. If I'd kept someone awake, I'd be falling over myself apologising.
Mind you, I wouldn't have agreed to sharing a room with him anyway. That's just a bit weird to me. Lesson learned I suppose.
Go home and hopefully you can sleep on the plane/in your own bed later!

Snoring is awful. But the real problem is him booking a twin room without asking. That is a serious issue and has put you in a horribly vulnerable position. I would never share a room with a man I wasn’t romantically involved with.

This ⬆️ with bells on!!

OP...why on earth did you agree to this set up in the first place?? It's completely bizarre to me, that you'd agree to a holiday where you're sharing a room with a man you aren't intimate with! 😳

Where are your boundaries?

He is a very nasty man.
Knows well he snore but booked a double room.
He intimidated you last night.

You are in another bad relationship with a man.
In your place I wouldn't go on that trip.
I would sleep.
He shut you down like abusive men do.

End your relationship with him asap and never contact him again.
He is not a good man.

Please do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

You desperately need to up your boundaries for your safety.

Him booking a twin room was very off too.
Not a normal thing for a man to do, very dishonest and manipulative.

OP you need to step away from men until you learn to identify red flags, learn to stand up for yourself and certainly not be going away on trips with men like him.

I’m another one who is surprised at the room share situation. Sharing a room with anyone at all requires a deep trust in the other person that you are safe with them while you are vulnerable (ie asleep.) There are only 2 men I would share a room with on a holiday - my husband, and at a push my brother (although I would do my best to book separate rooms if I had a choice there!) Even among my female friends, the answer would probably be a no, with the exception of a very small number of close friends.

I’ve just managed to resolve a complicated situation where one friend wanted to share with me, but I didn’t want to share with her. I had to rather delicately tell her I did not wish to share a room with anyone on this particular trip, not just her as I have happily shared with her in the past, but we will be doing some activities that will require a lot of energy and she is a snorer too, and it could well be cold and rainy while we are outside so I wanted my own bathroom to come back to at the end of the day, not to have to share it and have someone left waiting. It was a bit fraught, but it’s so much better to get the debate out of the way before you go away, than to get part way through a trip and it be ruining it. I’ve had another situation when a large group of my female friends shared a dorm room and the one in the group who snored brought a big bag of ear plugs for everyone, as she was mortified she might disturb us.

Anyway, as others have already said to the OP, she needs to realise what constitutes a ‘good’ man - a good man would never have booked a shared room, not even considered it! And a good man would certainly not have been so unselfaware as to shout at you for attempting to block out the sound of his snoring.