Bad ending to holiday with friend, AIBU here?

You can go away with someone and spend some time apart. Also, if you can afford to, book your own room so you can sleep and and have your own space too.

Glad you are safely home op. That situation sounds horrible and frightening. If your friendship survives and you go again with him (I don't think I would) I would insist on separate rooms.

WOW, do you realise how judgmental, condescending and factually incorrect you come across here? OP don’t listen to this person, you’ve done nothing wrong except not being firmer with your loud bossy travel companion.

No you’re not being unreasonable.

The polite thing to do would have been telling you in advance that they sleep sounding like a tractor. Giving you the option in advance to pay for your own room.

I encourage you to work on your confidence and get your voice. Don’t let people treat you like 💩 because they will if they think they can.

How are you now ? Hopefully not long home and safe in your own space so you can sleep.

Hi OP. Hope you're feeling okay now.
Just coming on to recommend a book that might help with assertiveness etc. Called 'A Woman in Your Own Right' by Anne Dickson. It's excellent.
Good for helping to change patterns that you're unknowingly stuck in and which aren't helping you move forward in your life. There are also assertiveness courses online. Good luck x

This! I don't think if I was the friend I'd be inviting the OP on holiday again.

That is your advice indeed 👌🏼 I will stick to mine thank you.

op, get home and have a think on this “friendship”. One thing for sure, I think you should heal before putting yourself in this position for both sake. You need to be sure on how you read the situations or the impact triggers have on your perception. For both sake.

You need to make it clear you are never sharing a room with him again as you couldn't sleep with his snoring!

You need to say that he didn't need to take the tone he did and you have had to cope with his snoring. I would have left him to have a walk and said you were going for a nap because he kept you up most of the night. You need separate rooms if you can bare to go away with him again.

Such a great post from DaisyChains

It is amazing how quickly some men can change when challenged. I have only seen it a few times - someone is as nice as pie as long as you are smiling and nodding along but the moment you do something that challenges their authority its like they turn into a totally different person.

That is what is disturbing about this situation - how he became so different, and is now probably sulking because he didn't want to show that side of himself, perhaps.

What’s he been like since OP? Any more contact?

Agreed. The description of this man’s behaviour is giving some of us the shivers. OP and clearly some of the PPs are oblivious to these warning signs. Hopefully they can be learned.

I used to think I was an optimistic, positive person that trusts other people ( why wouldn’t I?) I realised my inability to notice the signals other people could see. I was missing the radar antenna due to my abusive childhood,

What feels like an open nature can be an inability to protect yourself fully. Not looking at ulterior motives is a classic sign of this. It wouldn’t occur to me either so I am not blaming you, but why is he paying for everything? I am not suggesting it is romantic based but what is he buying? Why the investment? Does he like to call the shots?

To me this sounds cynical but I realise no one pays for stuff without reason.

I think he treated you badly, and you were more vulnerable than you realise. In a hotel room, thousands of miles from home. Without the resources to go elsewhere and a support network. I am glad you are home safeky, but honestly please look after yourself. This could have had a different ending. As you can probably see in hindsight.

Jesus Christ! He sounds like a selfish,over-entitled man.

This is bad advice. You don’t know he’s safe, and he is not a real friend. As others have said, he’s been grooming you. The Freedom Programme is the way forward as I and others have suggested.

I think your slept through the fact he booked twin beds thus sharing the same room, as soon as I read that I thought this would raise a few issues. He's obviously an A hole as well, some people, yes men and women have no social awareness around their behaviours. I was always taught 'put yourself in someone else's shoes' and see their perspective. Your friend hasn't got a clue.....and probably never well. He'll probably thinks it's been an amazing holiday and ask you again..

Hi op,

I am so sorry this is happening. Please take some rest and reassess tomorrow. If he is your friend, he will listen you out…just maybe wait to see him next time. Then over a coffee tell him what you told us.

You are safe. He is a friend even if grumpy. You are going home soon. Hang on.

Good luck 🌺

He knew he snored badly but still booked a room to share? And then had the cheek to get angry with you?
Im sorry you have trauma OP because you definitely didn’t deserve how he treated you and he needed to be told he’s being a selfish unreasonable bastard.

Take care 💐💜

Agreed!

You are completely missing the issue here, it’s not simply an issue of noise control.

Hi. Veteran traveller. Earplugs - wax ones. Then sleep headphones on too playing white noise

He paid for everything? Another example of exerting his power. It’s not the behaviour of someone in an equal relationship. He’s dominating you.

You’re welcome @ExhaustedAbroad1

I’m only going from your posts and my own experience, which is of course going to be on alert for abusive tactics (esp as ex has groomed others to continue his abuse for him)

reflecting on everything you know as the person going through your own situation and leaving a space open for different viewpoints as you’ve done by posting here is a healthy thing I think

we get caught up with protecting the man’s reputation/image and I’m sure partly that’s because we really really want them to be ‘one of the good guys’ and not just the same as all the other abusers who manipulated us

this holiday was very horrible for you

consider that plus all the responses on thread, plus more data from the rest of your relationship history, plus whatever his behaviour is like now/in future if you continue to be in touch

each thing will shine a light from a different angle to help you see more clearly

then you choose your own path 💐