To be upset long distance partner doesn't want me to visit for longer?

I have quite a demanding job. If a project is on, and I’m also trying to go away for a few days, the days leading up can be really busy - I may not have the head space to deal with anyone else at that time, even the notion of “have I got enough food in, are they ok/I’m now knackered but have to make conversation so that I am not rude” etc would feel like a lot.

Yes, this is what I was thinking, so you want to go two days before, is there some prep for your birthday?

Is this the guy who's a university lecturer?

This is an exhausting level of angst. You disrespect his wishes to have a couple of relaxed days when he is busy and probably stressed at work and you second-guessing his motives because he hasn’t proposed moving in together in the exact way you envisioned. In otherwise perfectly good relationship, you took the first sign of things not going your way as a disaster of cosmic proportion. If I were your partner, I would be very careful with my choices going forward.
Do you know how my LDR partner initiated us moving in together? “Why don’t you stay with me for a couple of weeks until you find your own place”… Did I wring my arms in sorrow because he didn’t “commit” to longer term plans? No, I thanked him for helping me out for a few weeks and we never really bothered with “my own place” again. We’ve been living together for over three years now.

I miss my dp when he's not with me, but I don't want to necessarily want him here. I like my own space.

I'm not sure if he just wants his own space or something else.

It does sound odd that he asked if you would ever move near him and you said you'd have to think about it.

I would think you're not that bothered if I were him.

I tend to agree with this. I'm sure there's exceptions out there but most LDRs I've seen go well until the honeymoon period is over, then the couples either move forward to make a life together or it fizzles out.

I'm confused. I thought you said you have to travel twice, once for celebrating your birthday and then again for the concert. I appreciate you cannot change the concert, but you don't have to celebrate on your actual birthday.

I think 1.5 years in, and no real plan of a timeline for living together means it’s probably not going to happen. He clearly likes his own space, and expects you to do all of the facilitating for your relationship.

Hope your conversation goes well, but I have my doubts about this one.

Why is it always you travelling to stay with him? Does he ever reciprocate?

Based on your posts I'd say he is nowhere near as invested in the relationship as you are.

In your shoes I'd be firm: "I don't want to travel twice in the space of 5 days. Let's defer my birthday dinner till the following weekend. It would be great if you could stay at mine for a change".

And if he balks at this suggestion, let him go.

Going against the grain slightly here, but why are you assuming the worst of him? Maybe he has made plans to make the cake/put up banners/cook a special meal/some other surprise for your birthday and doesn't want you there in the lead up so it can be a surprise? I know my DH would try hard to do something nice but gets very flustered so wouldn't want me "in the way" while he was prepping stuff.

Maybe he likes his own space more than you ? Sounds like you need to have a good talk, maybe long-ish distance isn’t right for you both. You can’t force yourself onto moving in with him and when he’s declined for you to stay a few extra days he clearly likes his own space. Just look at the facts, if you’re moving faster than him you just need to see where his head is at when you see him. You should be feeling special on your birthday though and it sounds like he’s trying a bit… try go with an open mind and enjoy your weekend still !

Why doesn't he move to be near her then? I'm really amazed at the reactions you've had on here to be honest, OP. He sounds really unfair. I would be wondering why you couldn't stay and actually I wouldn't want to go at all unless I knew that answer was reasonable.

During the trip he asked if I saw myself moving away from home and I said I'd consider it but would need to think because I have my family and friends here.

Maybe that upset him ! Maybe that made him feel you aren’t committed??

Ah see that would worry me. I've been there and done the LDR with no set plan and it's so easy for time to slip away. Definitely time for a direct face-to-face convo after your birthday about where you both see it going, who is prepared to relocate etc - if he's vague and non-committal, don't waste anymore time on him as he may well be a future faker.

He didn't actually ask me to move in though.

It sounds like he isn't going to, after all this time.

Are you sure he isn't seeing anyone else?

Or is he tiring of you?

Apologies if I missed this, but is there a plan or timeline for you moving in together or dropping the "long distance" part of the relationship title? If not, could it be that you're having a heightened reaction to this because actually you're tiring of being apart? If so, its probably time for a wider conversation after your birthday about where this is going

I understand his reaction being disappointing but the level of upset its causing you suggests there's more going on here.

Could it be because he had a surprise planned and need she space and time to prepare/bake a cake/decorate and you being there would spoil your own surprise? I do think you are over thinking most likely.

OP you sound a bit needy / high maintenance.