Please stop saying "it's been a minute"

It was as I made it 🤣

And I bet it was delicious!

And avert your eyes and run away. 😁
(Must avoid all possibility of an emotional response!!!)

@CellophaneFlower I was thinking paprika would be lovely, too!

I'm glad it raised a giggle - Mum had retired two years previously, she'd been a union chair at our local public transport authority. The very last thing she ever did was to suspend the bus services through two towns for around eight hours. She honestly would have thought 'Serves the bastards right!.

Decades ago? It's still used, perfectly normal phrase. My neighbour in her late 20s told me she was expecting.

Why should it fall upon the bereaved to make allowances for other people's squeamishness about death?

I don't think it's necessarily always that they're squeamish though. They're desperately trying to be as tactful as possible. After all, most people have been bereaved at some point themselves too.

Exactly @Ihopeithinkiknow .

Why should it fall upon the bereaved to make allowances for other people's squeamishness about death?

Most of all, when the death occurs in such traumatic circumstances. Of course you will never forget the way your boy died. I imagine it is imprinted on your very core- along with all your fabulous memories and the shared wicked sense of humour you mentioned.

What makes it worse is when people seek to avoid the realities for their own comfort. That is not what being a good human is all about.

I am so very, very sorry to hear about the death of your son.

Your post made me laugh (obviously not the death bit) my 22 year old son died after being hit by a car in 2022 and it made me so angry when people mentioned that he passed away, obviously people are trying not to bring it up or to remind me of the awful way he died but tbh I don't think I would or could ever forget that.

Both me and my son shared a really dark sense of humour and I know he would have died laughing (if he wasn't dead) at some of my responses to people in the aftermath of it all. When I told one of my aunties I was going to write his eulogy her response of "oh please no" made me laugh so much and tbh it was the raw honesty of people that truly got me through what was indeed the worst time of my life.

Yes, but it is not the speaker's right to assume what my beliefs are, or are not. This stupid coyness does more harm than good, and protects the speaker rather than the bereaved.

I have thought of an analogy. Decades ago, the lower and middle classes in this country referred to a pregnant woman as 'expecting', as the state was almost too embarrassing to be mentioned. One hardly ever hears that now. It's just plain old pregnant.

( I do love the Mitford sisters' version: 'in pig')

Passed, lost, passed away, passed on - they all need to go the way of 'expecting' ( and gross cheese powder ) in my view.

I use pass or don’t use it at all when talking to someone who is grieving. You found it trivialising but others can and do find it harsher.

I use died when I talk to others I know use the word.

Pass could also be the way someone sees and believes in death. Passing could mean to them passing to some version of heaven or reincarnation.

I wouldn't buy that either 🤣

Gross cheese powder?

Don’t use gross cheese powder. It was made from scratch by my aunts when I was a child, and I make it from scratch for my children.

My mum would buy the boxed stuff because she didn’t have the time to make it. No different than people buying the Batchelors pasta and sauce.

Exactly @RobertaFirmino

I already have 😁 Originated in England (and Italy) definitely not North America, so macaroni AND cheese is just yet another stupid Americanism that's made its way over here 😤

Perhaps they got it from the Italians who immigrated.

Is it really necessary to bash a country’s use of language and call it stupid as if adding the word “and” is such a controversy? Language changes all the time and most of American English is a mix of different languages including English words thanks to settlers and immigrants from different countries. Canada uses “and” or were you referring to North America as a whole when you called it a stupid Americanism?

I remember my grandmother explaining what it meant to me when I was a child and I'm mid 50s now. I suppose it depends on location/ religion.

I have no issue with it but I understand people using those phrases as they're so traditional. My DH would never say died ,always passed. I would say either depending on who I was speaking to.

I would probably say "so sorry to hear about your mum, Sally" and avoid mentioning any word directly relating to the actual event!

Ours is just the cheese sauce on cauliflower generally... but yours sounds equally as good! A bit of paprika sprinkled on top works well too 😋

Kids just had macaroni cheese for dinner, not macaroni and cheese 😜

Here, macaroni and cheese from a box is called, KD.
It's short for Kraft Dinner, the brand. Macaroni and cheese, would be pasta with cheese/cheese sauce you've made.
I was tired, so made a box of KD for the kids and went to bed.
I made macaroni and cheese with breadcrumbs on top and it was delicious!

I have noticed "mac and cheese" being thrown about, but that sounds quite American despite what is written on Wikipedia. It isn't the term I ever heard growing up unless on tv commercials and those were American.

All this talk about comfort foot has got me thinking I should make some!!!

By that theory, it should be macaroni and cheese sauce then 🤣 or macaroni and gross cheese powder if you're American or Canadian, not that that stuff deserves to be called macaroni cheese 🤢

I get where you're coming from. Yes, I think it's softer.
I think in conversation with you I would equally say,
Sally's mum passed away last night.
Sally's mum died last night.

But, to Sally: I'm sorry your mum passed away.

I detest 'passed'. When DM died, the copper who visited me to break the news said she 'passed away'. Being crushed to death by a Merc Sprinter is NOT 'passing'!