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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would be a fair split?

122 replies

Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:45

DP and I are buying a house together. I already own a flat and I'm using equity from it for the deposit, this will keep the house mortgage to 60% of the value of the house. So the deposit is worth around 40% of the value.
My flat is going onto a buy to let mortgage, and the plan is to rent it out.
DP has been given £30k by his parents towards the house.
We earn the same.
Tonight I asked to discuss what proportions we would each hold in the house. He was clearly annoyed, sulked for an hour or so without speaking to me, then left (we don't live together currently although we have done in the past) saying "he didn't want to have an argument."
I initiated the discussion because this hasn't yet been mentioned at all.
While I'm not entirely against 50-50, mainly because of the increased risk from my flat and my liability for the mortgage payment there during any void periods, it feels a bit unfair since he's not putting any of his own money into it. However we will both be paying the mortgage on the new house. Hence wanting to talk it through so that we're both happy. From experience he just will not manage to talk through this without getting angry.
I don't know what to do. How do we resolve this? I've already asked our solicitor for advice, but he has just sent us the forms without comment.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 15/10/2024 23:00

Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:58

I'm assuming he thinks he should be getting 50%. But I'm guessing. What I can't work out is why he thinks that?

Because he's a big old baby who always gets his own way? Too much time spent living with Mummy and Daddy perhaps.

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:58

I'm assuming he thinks he should be getting 50%. But I'm guessing. What I can't work out is why he thinks that?

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 15/10/2024 22:58

Don't buy property with a sulky man child would be the best advice! What a twat!

StarDolphins · 15/10/2024 22:57

If I was putting more in, I wouldn’t do it unless it was ring fenced. Not a chance! Nor would I expect a claim on it if it was the other way round.

More importantly, why can’t he communicate like an adult instead of sulking. This would drive me nuts!

NuffSaidSam · 15/10/2024 22:57

Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:53

@BestEffort that's exactly my worry. Hence wanting to hold the house is less equal shares I'm putting in 70% basically, he's putting in 30%.

Then you own 70 and he owns 30.

Mandylovescandy · 15/10/2024 22:57

Solicitor drew up an agreement for us which we signed stating if the house was sold he would get back his deposit before equally splitting the rest

AlertCat · 15/10/2024 22:56

I voted YABU because if he’s like this when you try to have a sensible conversation, what will he be like to live with? This would be a red flag for me. You’re entirely justified in protecting your assets; if you go ahead, I would arrange to get a will drawn up to protect your kids, as well as a legal document setting out the proportions of the property that you both own (whatever you decide that to be- but on the evidence of this behaviour I would probably lean towards proportional ownership for each of you based on what you’re putting in).

NuffSaidSam · 15/10/2024 22:56

Do NOT buy a house with a man who can't have a conversation about buying a house without sulking.

In terms of the house, you each own the percentage of the house that you pay for.

50/50 is fine but he needs to pay 50% of the cost of the house.

Guiltypleasures001 · 15/10/2024 22:56

What a man child..

Save yourself further fees and wasted years op
Dump him,p

Mandylovescandy · 15/10/2024 22:56

Also we had no issues discussing the above including what would happen if we split up so I think that is the more concerning part of you can't discuss finances

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:55

Yes, he lives with his parents, my flat just isn't big enough for everyone. How did you ringfence the deposit, @Mandylovescandy ?

OP posts:
Mandylovescandy · 15/10/2024 22:54

We own the house 50/50 but ringfenced DPs much bigger deposit contribution. And have paid 50/50 for repairs and upgrades with mortgage roughly 50/50 though in different periods one or other of us have earned a lot more so contributed more to the joint account and therefore mortgage payment.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/10/2024 22:54

Another one saying don’t do it if he refuses to communicate like a grown up. Is he living with his parents at the moment?

Dutchesss · 15/10/2024 22:53

Agree with the above. Don't move and definitely reconsider your choice in partner.

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:53

@BestEffort that's exactly my worry. Hence wanting to hold the house is less equal shares I'm putting in 70% basically, he's putting in 30%.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:52

And I am a bit concerned about the sulking too! I've been away from it for a while now so I'd forgotten.

OP posts:
BestEffort · 15/10/2024 22:51

I would not buy a property with a man who you cannot have a frank conversation like this with!!

What happens when you split? Is he able to take half the money you are putting in when he's not put equal amount in himself? It's a bit different if you are married as then all assets are shared equally but if not married I would not make yourself financially vulnerable like this

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:51

Definitely just to DP, I didn't know it came from them until recently. The equity is... a lot (London)

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 15/10/2024 22:51

Oh god, don’t move in with a sulker. It’ll make your life a misery.

Detchi · 15/10/2024 22:50

How much in £ equity are you putting from the flat into the house?

And do you consider the £30k partially a gift to you, or is it to DP?

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:49

Really? I thought as the one with more capital it would be a bad idea for me? If we hold the house as tenants in common I thought it would protect the children from one of us dying first and re-marrying.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 15/10/2024 22:48

I wouldn’t buy a home together unless you are also getting married and joining together financially.