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AIBU?

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Original poster

Texting

30 replies

Lollyp2 · 15/10/2024 22:37

Please read this message and tell me AIBU?

MY DH texting his female friend.
They usually have chats here and there and I have noticed my DH being touchy with her.He loves hanging out with her and her BF.

DH: "Hi my beauty, any chance you are working today?I am looking for a lift"

Reply from female friend/OW : Hi darling.No I am not working.Is everything okay?

My DH: Yes just looking for a lift.
How is your mum (the beauty) doing?

Female friend: She is doing alright thanks! Awful illness but okay.

My DH: Great that she is doing okay.
She deserves to be better.Have a nice evening.

This is my DH having a conversation with OW who I have concerns about that they are possibly having an subtle affair

OP posts:
Grepes · 16/10/2024 12:09

I don’t think the messages sound like they are having an affair. He’s using ‘beauty’ for her mother too, so it does sound like it’s a phrase he uses for all women. I know men and women who use cutesy language to refer to others, it’s not my choice, but I don’t think they mean it disrespectfully (although it can come across like that). Incidentally those I know are either over 70 or from the North of England.

If his cutesy language bothers you and I can see why it would (for me it’s disrespectful lumping all women together by one name when they can use their actual name), then you need to talk to him about it.

Their texts sound like two people who are acquaints though, not people who know each other that well, and definitely not well enough for an affair.

Original poster
Lollyp2 · 16/10/2024 12:02

I don't want to sound or be petty .
My DH says that all these names he calls women are endearing names which mean nothing to him.
The only worry is that as we walk along the streets at home every woman he meets has a name like " hey lover" hey beauty" "hey babe"

We have spoken about it but he clearly can't stop using the names.
I worry if one day our children will ask me why he calls other women lover and babe

OP posts:
LauritaEvita · 16/10/2024 10:30

His messages sound creepy and she sounds like she’s just being polite (presumably thinks she can’t just ignore him as has do work with him). I would not be happy about my husband calling any woman ‘my beauty’.

beasmithwentworth · 15/10/2024 22:48

But ultimately he's the one that needs to be changing his behaviour. There may not be anything going on now, but as we know, it is often how affairs start. Have you spoken to him about this?

beasmithwentworth · 15/10/2024 22:46

Hard to tell without seeing more messages but it sounds like he's the one being more forward.

On the plus side it's good that he hangs out with her partner too (I'm assuming that's the case).

Would there be an opportunity for all 4 of you to go out for dinner / drinks so you could suss the situation out and show her that you are a united front, or do you already know them both?