So unbelievably lonely, it hurts

Oh, sorry you are feeling so sad… I empathise, I also don’t find making new friends and connections easy. Volunteering sounds a good call because it will bring you into contact with people you share something really meaningful with.
You are actually young, you know, and it is in no way too late to gently shift some habits. I think you should try being kind to yourself. I’m sure Covid did a lot of people’s social lives no favours. I’m sure there are plenty of new connections waiting to be made. Good luck! X

Can you start small? Take your laptop to a coffee shop or library to be around others. If you don't speak to anyone, maybe just the sound of others around you might help.

youvare an introvert so you naturally may isolate.but enjoy the presence of those you select or have to interact with in work.you will find a new job..in the mean time be kind to yourself and don’t think for a second you are in anyway wrong.you are you….and it’s best to be your true self..maybe consider a pet for company..a pet can bring so much joy and a dog in particular can be a very social addition to your life..

Come on. A negative attitude won't help.

Try to think in terms of small steps: go for a walk and aim to smile and say hello to someone; go shopping and make small talk with the cashier. All of those things will help to make it easier to find a place to volunteer, or a club to join and talk to people there and make some friends. You can do it!

Also, friendships can start online. Try joining some local FB groups, then see what events are advertised. You can always leave a comment, ‘Thinking about going to this. Is anyone else going to be there because I’m a bit nervous about going on my own?’ See if anyone picks up on it and, voila, you aren’t alone!

@LonelyLone

Would exploring a Reservist role appeal to you, OP?

You could book to attend an informal presentation evening and find out more.

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/roles/reserve-general-entry-rating?/careers/roles/reserve-general-entry-rating

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/roles/reserve-general-entry-officer

I'm so sorry you feel this way but using this quote is being way too hard on yourself. You must stop thinking you've done something terribly wrong - you haven't and you're only 30!

I always remember a quote from Will Smith years ago, when he recounted helping his father build a house one summer as a teenager. His dad was teaching him to lay bricks with concrete and said that life and finding success was just like that, little by little and brick by brick.

It sounds corny now but at the time it really resonated. I think just start taking little steps in the right direction and slowly turn your life more in the direction you want it to go in.

You're so young - please don't worry and good luck!

Volunteer! I know people say it all the time here OP but I finally joined a group when I moved to a new city and it has been a wonderful way to meet people and to feel part of a community. I work from home and it’s great to see some people in person and have a bit of chat and a cup of tea. Good luck to you - it’s far more common to be lonely than it maybe feels.

Sorry you are feeling lonely.
I agree with others that joining a club or hobby of some description would be a good start. There are often activities for your local area listed online and some may be aimed at people on their own. What about a walking group? That’s a good place for a chat.

Volunteering is another good plan. Our local council lists all the charities in the area and often run volunteer events where you can turn up and see what’s there and what they are looking for and maybe have a chat with some of them that appeal to you.

Hope that helps.

Well, you say burying your head in the sand was easier, but it hasn’t been easier in the sense of making you happier. See this as a wake up call, and feel lucky it’s happened so young. Nothing at all wrong with befriending your colleagues, but don’t put all your friendship eggs in one basket, ever. It sounds to me as if therapy would sort out your dramatic feelings of failure, and your difficulty in making friends.

You have to try a little bit with people, you admitted yourself you haven't really tried. I'm shy too but I've always put the effort in, and you will find some people will reciprocate. It's a two way street with friendships.

You don't need to be that hard on yourself or that dramatic. You haven't done anything negative or irreversible. You've just stalled a bit. Everyone does at some point in life.

You've identified that you are lonely and that you haven't done anything to change this. Try making small changes that focus on your wellbeing rather than specifically on making friends. Make sure you sign up for at least one fitness class a week - not to make friends but to get fit - you don't have to talk to anyone during class, but if you go regularly, you'll have created some acquaintances and that is a start.

I think your idea of volunteering is brilliant. DS made some gorgeous friends that way when he was lonely in his uni town, during Covid. Sign up to help at a food bank or soup kitchen, or a pet rescue place, as you say you love helping people.

If you are religious, start going to church - there are so many opportunities to help people in a busy church. If you are not religious, you could try meditation classes or a political or social campaign group instead.

Even if you do those three things, that's three social fixtures each week. Let yourself get comfortable with them, familiar with the people you meet there, and use that to build your confidence to try some new hobbies and make some deeper friendships.

The thing about loneliness is, it can't go away unless you change your actions and habits. DS went from painfully lonely to having several friendship groups and a girlfriend, but he had to really push himself out of his comfort zone and overcome social anxiety to do this.

Can you afford to go away somewhere for a few months whilst waiting for the next job?

Volunteering abroad is a good option as you are thrown together with others with the same aims. If you can't face such a big leap there are similar things in the UK. How physically fit are you? There are WWoofers - https://wwoof.org.uk/ - who are volunteers on smallholdings and stay free for a few weeks in return for mucking in with the work needed. The National Trust is always wanting volunteers: https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/support-us/volunteer/volunteer-with-us. There are volunteer agencies: https://www.doit.life/volunteer

So much stuff out there. It sounds as though you have got into a rut and are in danger of becoming depressed. People out there need you!

Could you consider a pet?

I'm not sure if my cat solved my loneliness or just made me too busy chasing after the carnage to remember I was lonely but either way his company worked.

Really sorry you're feeling this way, big hugs to you xx

At only 30, you have lots of time to sort this out, so that's good.
But it's absolutely no good to say you would 'feel so anxious' to go to something on your own as if this is a reason not to do it.
Your feelings don't have any relevance to what you decide to do. Pick something and do it on your own! Just do it. You have to build up your resilience. Keep doing something, anything that pushes you out of your comfort zone. In a year from now you will be different person!

You have not let yourself down. You just haven't got into the swing of things yet. You've so much time, honestly.

Lonely, you're not even 30! I'm almost 60. I'd give anything to be your age. You've barely started out in life - there's so much possibility and time there. You're in a great position. Honestly, build up your confidence by trying different things. There are so many opportunities out there. Keep trying things to see if you like them and if not move on. Maybe aim to have 2 small hobbies so you're out one or two nights a week or half a day at the weekend. It'll help with the loneliness.

Any family close by you see? Perhaps a cousin you can build up a friendship with as an adult to go places - no idea what you like but art galleries, museums, theatre, whatever. You just need to keep busy and it'll all fall into place.

You have time to find a relationship too. Personally I'd build up my social life first so you can find out what you like and then find someone that likes the same thing. You might even meet someone doing a hobby.

Lastly, anyone old school friends to get back in touch with? You don't need to live in people's pockets, just know people to suggest a walk or a day out or a meal/drink out.

Sorry first one should have been
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/5186003-can-anyone-chat-to-me-desperately-lonely?reply=139016077

Have a look here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/5187521-a-thread-for-those-of-us-who-just-want-to-tell-each-other-things-about-our-day

And come and join us here
www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/5187521-a-thread-for-those-of-us-who-just-want-to-tell-each-other-things-about-our-day

Try one new thing OP, you might surprise yourself!

Church? You might not be religious but it's a place lots of volunteering is attached to and somewhere it is quite acceptable to turn up alone.

Ours runs a community cafe, toddler group and various other things.

It offers the sort of colleague level contact you are missing, with the potential but not requirement for more.

It's an easy thing to do even if you have to try a couple of different ones.

How about doing some Volunteer work at an Animal Rescue/Cancer/etc. Shop.
You could fit that into regular work too on a Saturday. For me it was a great way to meet people and make friends.