So unbelievably lonely, it hurts

So many good ideas here, OP, and words of wisdom too. It's not too late. You're in a good position - you're young, you know you need connection and community, you're now in a position to go for jobs that you'll enjoy.

Some ideas:

• as pp have suggested, volunteering. There's so much you could do. Befriend an elderly person. Help out with driving. Work in a charity shop one morning a week. Do you have any particular skills or knowledge you could teach to others? It feels really good to help and serve people in some way.
• the meet-up website. So many groups and clubs you can try out. It does take a bit of nerve to walk into a room where you don't know anyone (yet) but once you've done it, it becomes easy! You could even ask the organiser to meet you outside if that makes it easier. Most groups are really welcoming to new members and understand your nerves because it was their first time once, too.
• get a dog. Only if you have the means to look after it, of course. Dogs are great for getting you out of the house every day, and people always want to stop and chat. This might not be for everyone, but personally I think dogs are great friends. They don't replace humans, but they certainly help you feel less lonely!
• online dating. Not necessarily expecting to meet the love of your life, but as a way to get out once a week and do something different. Just have a bunch of first dates! You can even sign up to apps now looking for friends, so that's worth a try, too.
• some kind of evening class. Learning something with others is a fun way to make connections. You can arrange to meet with others to practice the language/skill/whatever, or see if anyone fancies a drink after class. Some kinds of classes may be more sociable than others, but if you pick things you're interested in, you'll learn something and at least be out of the house once or twice a week, even if you don't make friends.
• get a housemate or two. Obviously this requires some careful thought and you might not be set up for it, but it's a great way to have a bit more of a social life, and quite often you will meet people through the people you live with.
• go on holiday with a group. Trekking through the Andes or whatever with a group of strangers. They will not be strangers by the end of it!

All these ideas will require you to step outside your comfort zone. But from your posts it's clear that your comfort zone is no longer comfortable. Rather, you're suffering and in pain. So choose one thing that you can do, and do it. Even if all these ideas are too 'big' for you right now, you can start by making a resolution to smile and say hello to someone every day. Choose the human cashier in the supermarket, and ask them how they are. Small exchanges like this feel good and build your confidence - they're not nothing! And slowly you can work up to other things. I think you'll be fine, OP. Just take a deep breath and go for it!

This is possibly a good life lesson OP. You say you've never made an effort socially or with friends and suddenly it's hit you, you are lonely as a result of your choices. That's ok because you have the rest of your life to make different choices. You are in control here. You will have to step out of your comfort zone which is not easy but you can do it!! Busy yourself, find hobbies and classes, if you feel you are connecting with someone suggest a meet up, don't always wait for someone else. An evening course with an end date is good as it will often turn into a meet up in a pub or somewhere and a social group can go from there. Or maybe it won't work out this time long term but you'll enjoy the experience anyhow and gain confidence for the next course.

While you’re job hunting use the time to volunteer, go for nice autumn walks, sit in a coffee shop or go visit some free museums. Anything to stop you sitting around the house on your own.
Start a hobby while you have some free time and think about Bumble friend apps.

I've struggled with loneliness all my life op, and for various reasons it's hard for me to make friends so I sympathise. Please invest time and effort into making a support network while you can, because it's one of the things that you will need most later on in life.

do you have family at all?

can I ask why you think of this quote? it seems you judge yourself quite harshly?

Great idea, you could spend your Saturday nights mixing with other people and getting paid for it!

You're nearly 30? You're so young, OP 🙏 You're in your "Saturn's return", as they say: a time of introspection, of leaving behind old patterns that don't serve you anymore, and maturing. You're noticing things and feeling uncomfortable. Maybe loosing this job really is a blessing in disguise.

What do you think is the cause of your isolation? I'm convinced it's not "your fault" as you put it. I'm a firm believer in going to the root of a problem. Our model for relationships is our family, how they modeled relationships for us as we were growing up. It's worth, albeit hard, to dig deep in one's childhood to better understand one's character. Imo you should start there.

Please don't give up on yourself: you're so young! There's so much to learn still 😊

What about volunteering for something like this? https://www.ageuk.org.uk/services/befriending-services/

Could you try a group holiday, maybe one for women? Or a retreat? You can do them around all kinds of things, food, writing, meditation, cross-country ski-ing, horse-riding are a few I've seen... Getting into a different setting could give you a way to approach making friends differently. It could be liberating.

I moved to a new area, where I only knew 1 or 2 people

I joined one group & from that, I met more people who invited me to join other groups & events.

Now it is myself suggesting to people to join various groups.

My friend once said to me
"Do something/join a group once, if you don't like it, move on & try something else"

As hard as it may be, you need to get out of your comfort zone.

Join some local groups

Volunteer

Do some evening or weekend courses or classes

Work a second or third job in different industries

Plan & book some things to do or visit for Halloween, Christmas

What about joint a choir be it a rock choir or a more traditional one? It doesn’t matter if you can’t sing but choirs can be real fun plus they offer the opportunity to socialise more. I know it’s hard walking into a new situation, but with every new situation you experience the next one will be so much easier. Gather all your courage and just do it.

Hi op volunteering might help as gets you out. My friend in a choir loves it. I havent a huge circle but found I had to make effort too. One walking lady is a good friend now. Im 50s its not easy

Are you comfortable sharing roughly what area of the country you are in? Maybe local Mumsnetters can suggest some places/groups they know are friendly and welcoming?

I just joined a choir about 3 months ago. I became disabled a couple of years ago, and had to give up most of the sports/activities I loved. I was looking for something else to do, and was googling. I was super nervous going for the first time, but they have people nominated in each section of the choir, who are 'welcomers', and they took me under their wing. I now have three new 'choir friends', who I sit with every week. I'm so glad I've done this, and really enjoy the singing and music - alongside the company!

I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling like this.

But the great thing is, it is NEVER too late to make a change and improve things for yourself.

my number one piece of advice would be to get yourself out every day for a walk. Do you have any nice parks locally? Or a nice coffee shop you could talk a walk to? It will do wonders for your mental health and just having a brief chat with someone who’s taking your coffee order or stoping to stroke someone’s dog in the park and ask their name etc will boost your confidence.

I have no hobbies or enjoy any sports myself so I know how you feel but check out your local facebooks groups to see if there any any just “meet up groups” the type that meet for walks or just in local halls for coffee and cake.

Do things to treat yourself and be kind rather than punishing yourself.

Do you enjoy reading? Maybe take a trip to your local library and get yourself a few good reads to distract yourself and de stress.

Are you comfortable/interested in animals? I know that my local animal charities are always screaming out for help so looking around at those is worth a shot.

There will be lots of things you could get involved in locally OP, but you're going to have to be a bit brave and step out of your comfort zone. Just a few examples: bell ringing, rambling/walking, litter picking, knit and natter, WI, gym, swimming, amateur dramatics, choir/singing groups, volunteering with local charities, events at local bookshops (readings, some have book groups), there may be a running club with a Couch to 5k programme and running is a really social thing to do and no fitness/athletic ability is needed to do C25K.

Have you heard of parkrun?

I promise you don't have to be fit, walkers are encouraged and it's one of the most genuinely inclusive activities around.

It is so diverse and while there may be a lot of people taking part it is entiry up to you how much you want to interact.

You can be as social as you want and there is so much support given.

Volunteering at parkrun is also a fantastic way to interact with others.

Best of all its free to take part, every Saturday and held in hundreds of beautiful locations

You are still young and whilst you look for another job you have time to think about starting a hobby. Where I live there is a singles group that does a big meet up once a fortnight and does things like bowling, cinema or a meal out. Then each week there is a smaller meet up for whichever ones want to attend. They meet for coffee and cake or a drink in a pub or a pub meal. You need to Google singles clubs in your area. I had never heard of the one in my area until a friend of one of my son's mentioned it. People go from 18-60. You wouldn't have to attend all events and they are always looking for help with organising events. There are also knit and natter groups, walking/rambling groups and some people take dogs on the walks. Join a choir, learn to crochet or knit then join a group. It doesn't matter if you are not very good. Volunteer to walk someone's dog, get on to borrow my doggie. You never feel alone with a dog. Text your colleagues from your former job once a week and suggest meeting up for a coffee. Libraries are always wanting volunteers as are charity shops. My son volunteered at something called Silver Surfers which introduced basic computer skills to pensioners. He showed them how to send an email, attach photos, how to do internet banking and other simple stuff. He said some of the pensioners used to bake cakes and cookies for the volunteers. He said he got to know them by helping them keep in contact with their families. They told him about their hobbies, likes and dislikes and my DS quite enjoyed it. I know he liked the cakes. There's lots you can find going on in your area if you do a bit of research. It will be panto season soon. They often want people to help with costumes, make up or help with selling refreshments if you don't fancy acting. Try to challenge yourself to talking to 3 strangers everyday.

Any chance you could get a job in your local pub or cafe? It's a great way to meet people.

It sounds like you would be happy volunteering op. The other thing to do is get out of the house every day and exchange some words with someone. Comment on the weather at a bus stop, exchange pleasantries with a shop assistant, go to the library and ask if they can order a book you'd like to read. Really low level social interactions can lift your mood and won't be too terrifying to start with.

OP you have so much time ahead of you build new friendships, I've made a couple of friends in my 30's! Granted everyone is busy with their own lives, one has a gorgeous baby now and is up to her eyeballs, but we try to meet up once a month and it's something to look forward to. I was in a similar position this year, made redundant and found it surprisingly tough, as I live alone still and spent 5 days a week with my colleagues. They were sometimes the only people I interacted with from one day to the next. Some people see their colleagues as much as their own family so it's completely normal to find it jarring!

You've gotten great advice so far. What's helped me enormous is adopting a cat. I so look forward to coming home to him everyday and it's someone I can chat away to in the house. Hard to feel lonely when they're either tucked up in bed with you or causing chaos. Brings a lot of life to the place!

Change is really hard, I think the feeling of loneliness is heightened because you're feeling so vulnerable right now losing your job your familiar with and I can relate. But could be a great opportunity to meet new people, stay busy and decide what you want from life.

Personally I am so flat to the mat in work I've a whole new appreciation for my time alone with a book :D

OP you have so much time ahead of you build new friendships, I've made a couple of friends in my 30's! Granted everyone is busy with their own lives, one has a gorgeous baby now and is up to her eyeballs, but we try to meet up once a month and it's something to look forward to. I was in a similar position this year, made redundant and found it surprisingly tough, as I live alone still and spent 5 days a week with my colleagues. They were sometimes the only people I interacted with from one day to the next. Some people see their colleagues as much as their own family so it's completely normal to find it jarring!

You've gotten great advice so far. What's helped me enormous is adopting a cat. I so look forward to coming home to him everyday and it's someone I can chat away to in the house. Hard to feel lonely when they're either tucked up in bed with you or causing chaos. Brings a lot of life to the place!

Change is really hard, I think the feeling of loneliness is heightened because you're feeling so vulnerable right now losing your job your familiar with and I can relate. But could be a great opportunity to meet new people, stay busy and decide what you want from life.

Personally I am so flat to the mat in work I've a whole new appreciation for my time alone with a book :D

Don't forget OP that you do have one truly faithful friend who is always there for you and that is yourself. Remember to treat her kindly and thank her for getting you this far! Be gentle and encouraging as you would with anyone else. Even feeling bad and lonely is temporary and you will not always feel this way ; it is okay.

PP have given lots of ideas of how you can change your life for the better. Don't lose hope, take tiny steps.

I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this and I was going to suggest volunteering as a previous poster has
Not only will it get you meeting people but it also looks good on your cv while your applying for another job shows you have been proactive during your time out of work
Whatever you decide I really hope things work out for you and don’t be too hard on yourself.💐

Loneliness is horrible. Not your fault OP. Not all of us are blessed with easy relationships or the ability to make them without a lot of effort. Start small. Can you join a class to just be around people? I find the presence of others majes quite a difference even without interaction

Another one saying volunteering. I'm quite shy, but when we moved to a new village I was determined to get to know the community in some small way. They have a community shop, not for profit. I started doing a few hours a week and then when my job changed and I couldn't do the hours I joined the committee instead. I also offered to help out at church open days (not religious at all) and take part in any events going on. Perhaps easier in a village than a town (partly why I prefer it here) but there are looaads of local charities or community groups that will be crying out for an hour here or there. They don't have to become your best friends, but like you say it's someone to chat to and share the day with. And it will give you a sense of confidence. A charity shop if nothing else could be an option whilst you're looking for a new job.

Girlguiding desperately need volunteers. They also have social activities for leaders too.