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Original poster

Autistic parents who don’t like physical affection

331 replies

Nezuko22 · 15/10/2024 17:51

How do you cope?

My eldest is the complete opposite and is trying to hug and kiss us constantly. And I really do mean constantly, she’s been home for 2 hours and she’s tried to hug and kiss me 15 times. I don’t mind a hug and a kiss before going somewhere and before bed but she’s quite forceful about it. She pins down the toddler who is quite a lot like me and I have to tell her off for forcing kisses on him when he’s screaming no. She runs at ne making kissing noises and it honestly makes my skin crawl. I’ve had words with her to reassure that I live her but I just don’t want to be harassed for this sort of physical touch constantly and that she needs to respect people boundaries if they say no. She’s 11 btw. Does anyone else have any experience of this?

OP posts:
YabbaDabbaDooooo · 15/10/2024 18:45

@Jessie1259 absolutely nailed it in her first post.

TwentyFiveAndCounting · 15/10/2024 18:44

Maybe she would like one of those pressure things?

https://www.sensorydirect.com/behaviour/mood-regulation/deep-pressure

LauritaEvita · 15/10/2024 18:44

Jessie1259 · 15/10/2024 18:32

Sounds like she's desperate for affection, is there anyone who gives her affection? Is he dad huggy? It's not nice to have parents who are uncomfortable with hugs IME. She needs to respect boundaries of course but it sounds like she needs more affection at home - she'll soon start looking for it outside of home otherwise and that is not something you want. It sounds like she can tell you don't like hugging her so she keeps on at you trying to get one that feels genuine.

If you can't do the affection bit too much then I would make sure you show her lots of attention in other ways, playing games with her, reading to her, making things with her - she might just be trying to get any attention she can.

Agree. This made me think of my friend’s daughter. Friend is very non demonstrative, as is her husband. Their daughter became very attached to her nursery staff who would give her affection, hold hands, hugs, sit her on knee etc. she was absolutely heart broken when she had to leave nursery to go to school and it seemed a far more traumatic break for her than leaving nursery usually would be. She was in full time and did long days and I think she was getting something she needed from the women who worked there that she wasn’t getting at home.

Original poster
Nezuko22 · 15/10/2024 18:42

Jessie1259 · 15/10/2024 18:32

Sounds like she's desperate for affection, is there anyone who gives her affection? Is he dad huggy? It's not nice to have parents who are uncomfortable with hugs IME. She needs to respect boundaries of course but it sounds like she needs more affection at home - she'll soon start looking for it outside of home otherwise and that is not something you want. It sounds like she can tell you don't like hugging her so she keeps on at you trying to get one that feels genuine.

If you can't do the affection bit too much then I would make sure you show her lots of attention in other ways, playing games with her, reading to her, making things with her - she might just be trying to get any attention she can.

I did say in my post that she does get hugged multiple times a day. But she wants an excessive amount more.

OP posts:
Jessie1259 · 15/10/2024 18:32

Sounds like she's desperate for affection, is there anyone who gives her affection? Is he dad huggy? It's not nice to have parents who are uncomfortable with hugs IME. She needs to respect boundaries of course but it sounds like she needs more affection at home - she'll soon start looking for it outside of home otherwise and that is not something you want. It sounds like she can tell you don't like hugging her so she keeps on at you trying to get one that feels genuine.

If you can't do the affection bit too much then I would make sure you show her lots of attention in other ways, playing games with her, reading to her, making things with her - she might just be trying to get any attention she can.

Original poster
Nezuko22 · 15/10/2024 18:23

Bump

OP posts: