To not want to hear MIL mention DH's ex wife at the dinner table 5 years on?

oi lay off the ageism!

This 👏

My DH's family still call me the ex's name 5 years on so could always be worse 😂

My SIL had form for this when DH and I started dating.
She got worse when we were planning our wedding.
She stated rather loudly once that I couldn't expect DH to get too excited about the wedding because he'd been married before( she cheated divorced before I met him) .
SIL didn't realise DH had told me she'd been jilted a couple of days before her wedding to a previous partner.
'But this is the first and only Wedding I'm planning,SIL , any tips ?'.

The fact that it's his ex MiL can't stop mentioning isn't something that would bother me particularly. I'd find this an irritant the way people always are when they persist in talking about things and people that those in their company don't know. It's tedious, not to mention rude. But as she's been asked to stop and persists in doing it then it does seem she's deliberately goading you.

Some of the suggestions on this thread are funny, but the only way to win with passive aggressives is not to play. If she wants to provoke a confrontation, or is gaining the satisfaction of being told to stop as some sort of 'proof' that she's getting under your skin, then nothing will piss her off more than not even showing her the courtesy of noticing.

That said, I'd no longer trouble myself to cook for someone who behaved like this. Play stupid games ...

I've had this. My ILs are pot stirring idiots. I handled it like this. Confused but interested big smile

Me "Who are we talking about?"
Them "ex's name"
Me furrowed brow still smiling then "oh!" Turn to DH "your friend from work?"
Them, outraged "no! The kids mum"
Me, laughing "oh your ex!!! SORRY." Laughs again, embarrassed and shakes head. "sorry, I didn't think anyone was still in touch. When did you see her? How is she?"
Uncomfortable silence. "We haven't seen her"
"Ohhh... Right... Why are we talking about her?" Then continue with a task.

I did a version of this on repeat, sometimes just a "sorry I don't know her... Oh sorry! Yes. No, not in touch at all so wouldn't know anything about that"

One SIL persisted with the bringing her up and I finally said "she certainly gets a lot of airtime for someone you haven't seen in - what 8 years? Did you fall out or how come you're not in touch anymore?"

Basically I kept pushing it back to them so they just sounded ridiculous bringing her up.

@ClaredeBear sounds like my mother, she brought up my ex fiance all the time in front of DH. DH wasn't really bothered, but it used to annoy me so much. I'm sure she realised as she always liked to make me squirm.

Haha this is a great response.

I play a similar came in that I have a box of chocolates and whenever a reference to the ex comes up I get to have one.

What an impressive bunch of evil geniuses on MN today - I salute you all! A vuvuzela would be an excellent addition to your weaponry for future lunches.

Yes, but you might if you (a) wished your adult child was still with the ex and (b) had no filter.

That made me laugh it's so true

Also genius

Eek!!!

I can easily spend three hours on a roast if I’m being thorough. Homemade stuffing and gravy; several different veg with different cooking methods; making a nice pudding. I’m also often making some form of vegetarian alternative too. I do also do it much simpler and quicker other times. But I do love cooking, so a happy morning fussing in the kitchen, with a nice glass of sherry to help me along can be a lovely weekend treat.

My MIL told my new SİL how pretty DH’s ex wife was, even showed her pictures. Reader: we had two children and I was 9 months pregnant with our third. They have no DC and were together for about 18 months.

I don't think it's a case of being insecure..it's about having some manners

How can you spend THREE hours on a Sunday roast?
Missing the point, I know, but blimey.
Are you growing the cow from scratch?

Please do this 🤣

I think making a joke of it is probably most likely to get her to stop. The bet about how long till she mentions it; asking detailed questions about the ex as though she’s likely to have the answer; or teasing her about having a crush are all good suggestions other people have come up with. Talk to you DH about which is likely to work best. The key is to embarrass her about it. No one likes being the butt of the joke, it’s humiliating. Normally I’m nice, but she’s been politely asked to stop and has continued so she’s clearly deliberately annoying you, so you’re justified in being a bit mean.

Your husband has asked her to stop and she hasn't, so I'd just stop inviting her to dinner, and avoid her wherever possible.

I'd enthusiastically join in with the conversation - oh a new car, how lovely - maybe ex will pick you up in it to go for a coffee, what colour is it and answer again what a lovely colour. She will get bored if you are agreeable to the conversation. Have some fun with it as you've tried being adult about it by asking her not too do it.

Mmm in one way it’s understandable and in another a bit horrible for you. When I first met my DP’s closest friends they incessantly reminisced about the happy times they all had with his ex and I hated it. They gradually stopped and barely mention her now but that’s not so likely to happen since your MIL still sees the ex.

wait till next time then go “hey Marjorie, did your bestie Sandra cook you this food? No? Then I guess you don’t want it”, pick up her plate and eat it yourself in front of her

obviously don’t do that but wouldn’t the shocked pikachu face be funny? 😆

(I do love other people’s idea of calmly asking about FIL’s ex, especially if you can find out beforehand then just do it smoothly, genius)