To not want to hear MIL mention DH's ex wife at the dinner table 5 years on?

You could make up some scandal about ex eg you’ve heard she’s going out with with her next doors 17 year old son. Not if Step children are involved.

For reasons I won't go into on here but which were to do with financial business after my husband died, I stayed in vague touch with my besties ex and she knew this and knew why. Did I mention him when I went to hers? Of course I didn't.

if it was something appropriate I could get your POV. But its not just mentioning her name occasionally and for a reason, its "oh she has a new car" "she doesn't like xxxx" I mean why does that need to be discussed?

My mother in law used to do this all time too, but I don't think there was ever any malicious intention. I think in her head she liked to think we were all friends (no aminosity but no contact either). My husband and I used to respond by complete silence then changing subject altogether.

Next time, assuming SD isn't there, stop eating,, say "I have asked you many times to have more respect and not keep banging on with tittle tattle about X Wife, please leave."

If your feeling gracious, help her on with her coat.

If there's a future occasion, she's probably remember your request.

I'd try and embarrass her. The next time she does it, joke between you and your DH "oh, you win the bet for what time she'll bring up Sharon" and both laugh. Hopefully she'll realise it doesn't bother you and will stop.

No, but you don't have to start gossiping about her.

This you have issues so deal with that people don't vanish

Why would it be disrespectful to the OP though, just to mention her name? She is the mother of the dgd, who is very much still in their lives. When couples separate are you supposed to act as if they never existed?

My husband has a friendship group through work and one wife constantly mentions his ex.

She mentions her every time we meet. We all work for the same company, but due to the size of the company I have never crossed paths with his ex professionally, and saw her once on a night out 11 years ago.

He was with her when he was in his early 20s…..i was still in school when they dated. They split long before we met. He is now 45. I’ve been with him for SIXTEEN years.

I now bow out of any social occasions with the friendship group because I don’t need to be around it. I’m not even bothered about the ex, I’m bothered that this woman gets a kick out of mentioning her. The last straw was when my husband and son went to the last gathering and she told my then 10 year old “we remember when your dad used to come to these bbqs with another lady”.

You sound like you’re getting the same. Don’t let someone disrespect you, particularly not in your own home.

But it's rude. It's not a gagging order, it's just about her knowing when to keep her mouth shut. Do you really think her DS is interested that his ex has a new car or that some school mum doesn't like her? Or that it's necessary to inform him in front of his current GF?

I said YANBU

My MIL, who is nearly 90, refers to my DHs Ex ( of nearly 30 years) as the best EX DIL anyone could have… she also mixes up our names and i get called DH Ex name and vice versa….. fortunately I like and get on okay with Ex as DH and her share two (now adult) children and we have always tried to make things as easy as possible for them. I admit though I feel a bit rubbish when it happens and my DH absolutely hates it…but she is nearly 90 so no chance of changing it now.

There’s a difference between the occasional mention and constantly mentioning someone, especially as they don’t have a continuing relationship. I was married for 10 years and my exH was very close to my family, as was I to his, but we’ve all moved on and apart from the occasional mention in relation to stories from the past etc, my family don’t mention him frequently. Why would they? I seriously doubt his family mention me frequently in front of his wife either.

Nothing other than pot stirring and seeing if they can press your buttons.
My mum always is surprised when I haven’t been in contact with my exH’s mum.

🤣 And make lots of equally pointless comments like “ I wonder what car your dad’s Ex drives now?” “ Do you think dad’s Ex still lives locally?” Etc..

Completely insensitive and tone deaf

Sounds like mil wants you to say something negative about the ex so she can create drama. Sounds like a teenage girl. Good on you for not playing along. Continue to ignore her.

Hi op,

Unfortunately, I feel that in a close future, you will come here and ask us if that is ok to go nc with her.

She is out of line. Generally speaking, you can’t just ignore someone…and she knows this.

I am sorry she is genuinely thinking she doesn’t have to adjust to you being the new DIL. You will have to choose:
-a) she doesn’t do it to hurt you so you take it
-b) freeking hell get out my house!

I think nowadays, people don’t want to make the effort to keep families together but I also notice how many people are just expecting to have zero consequence from their shitness.

Good luck 🌺

I’m hardly young myself.

I’m not surprised you keep her at arm’s length now, I’d have been so hurt by that, but you lose all the moral high ground by the misogynistic ageism. Using the term ‘old boot’ is not cool.

My MIL does this all the time. I used to be able to laugh it off and then I had our baby and it really started to hit me and I would get really upset. My husband rang her and said ffs will you wise up and stop mentioning the ex girlfriend to my wife or we won’t be back at your house. She hasn’t said anything since.

Is she a bit Hyacinth Bouquet? Commenting on how beautiful her neighbours/sisters/frenemy’s begonias/flower baskets/ newly painted front door/ wedding outfit/ new coat everytime is both pointed and will hopefully wash over your DSD’s head if she’s sitting at the table.

Just remembering my lovely dad when he first my DP..
’Have you met Peggy’s last ex? You know Brian, the druggie, got caught stealing, used to go missing?’
DP - ‘no Peggy’s dad, I’ve not met him!’
Dad - ‘to be fair son Brian was the best of them. The ones before him were absolute dickheads!’
Instant love between DP and my dad.
And that was the last time my past got mentioned!

My parents do this about my ex husband. A man who had two affairs, the second of which was with my best friend and resulted in me having a nervous breakdown. I am now married to a lovely man. And yet we still get 'how's ex pisco frisco' 'how's he getting on at work?' I put up with this for years until last Christmas when I snapped and just said 'I don't know how he is. And I don't care. And neither should you. And if you continue with this you won't be welcome at current dh and I's house anymore-it's not fair on any of us'. They STILL do it. But far less frequently and never now in front of dh.

It actually gives me the rage tbh. It's really affected my relationship with my parents. So insensitive and disrespectful.

There's a distinct difference between mentioning her or commenting on her life and "airbrushing her out." It's not that @PippaKing is insecure about her DH's ex, it's that his mother apparently won't stop bringing her up, despite being asked by her SON to stop, numerous times.

Why does MIL do that? Why does she think her son and his wife want to be informed about her son's ex? Someone should tell her they don't want her to do this...
oh, but her son DID tell her! She knows they don't like it but does it anyway, even when she is a guest in their home. That is the very definition of rude. Stirring!