To not want to hear MIL mention DH's ex wife at the dinner table 5 years on?

DMIL would even mention 50 year old DBILs girlfriends from his 20s-nd 30s (who of course were such lovely girls)

Urgh, my MiL does this, or did until fairly recently and we've been married for 12 years, my FiL has done it too, even called me by her name. I put it down to age but it's very annoying

Haha... On a tray Deirdre hahaha

What is the relevance of bringing her up when the child isn't even there?

I'd be so tempted to make a drinking game out of this, fully get up off the table, or leave the room, pour a drink (not necessarily alcoholic) and then return and keep doing it, even get your hubby to join in and cheers.
But I'm petty. 😂

I hope your husband told her her fortune

Why does he even speak to her?

Spat out my coffee to this one.

Maybe she struggled to accept the split and still feels resentment/ grief about the loss of her previous DIL? Her behaviour is insensitive and inappropriate and it's her responsibility as an adult to move past this. However, maybe her behaviour is coming more from feelings she can't express than intentional hostility to the OP. I think this can sometimes be why friends struggle not to mention times spent with an ex. You could ask her, when dc not there, whether she has found it hard to cope with the split as she mentions ex DIL surprisingly often 6 yrs on. Even if this isn't the case, it's a less confrontational way to call out her behaviour as odd. If you think she is just goading you, then focusing on her feelings/ possible difficulty coping could still embarrass her into shutting up.

I have been with my boyfriend 20 years and my ex still gets brought up 🤣🤣 never anything positive tho 🙃

Your MIL sounds like mine. Whenever she mentioned the ex either positively or negatively I would just say look out mad woman alert! Yes DH and ex had a DD but nothing o do with anything really. I just think it's your MIL way of trying to undermine you. Personally I would stop the dinner invites. MIL is sure to ask why and just tell her that constantly referring to your DH Ex is boring and you don't want to know. Co parenting has nothing to do with it. It's disrespectful especially in your own home.

I bet it isn't every meal, but OP is sensitive to any mention. I'd even hazard a guess that she doesn't really want DSD talking about her but tolerates it.
I'm also guessing DSD isn't allowed to talk about things that she did with her mum and dad when they were together!

Does your MIL look at you when she says these things? My MIL loves a reaction, even though it would just be a pissed-off facial expression, from me.

two choices ;

1. don’t react. Don’t look pissed. Don’t be bothered.
2. you or your husband explain to her that there really is no need. If your step daughter is around, it’s perfectly understandable that much of her conversation and life would revolve around her mother. That’s not the same for your MIL.

I'm quite lucky as my MIL can't stand my DH ex, so she rarely gets mentioned although I'm the opposite I have to steer the conversation away from her if she does as she never has a nice word to say about her and she is mum to there daughter at the end of day. It gets abit awkward sometimes

My MIL, whom I’m fond of and get on well with, turned to my DH at our wedding breakfast and asked if he still had the kilt they bought him for his wedding to (ex wife’s name).

For context, they were divorced and he’d lived with someone else in the meantime before I even met him, so I was in no way involved or even around when they split.

It wasn't done with malice, she’s not a fan of the ex, I think she didn’t stop to think about what she was saying. It makes me laugh every time I remember it. It sounds like your MIL is just looking for common ground to talk about, and not like she’s trying to compare you or big up the ex. Probably easiest just to let it bother you less

lol least they do it apt the table! Mil used to take DH to the side while I was there and whisper 🙄 every single time. Was so weird. She loves drama though and eventually after years and years stopped. I had no issue with the ex, despite her lying and a few other things. I even invited her to Christmas as she was going to be alone. Mil, fil and ex all ignored me the entire time while I ‘served’ them. She communicates to aliens now apparently lol so the in-laws can spend as much time with her as they want.

It's ridiculous that they can't go one meal without discussing his ex though. They need some bloody self control

Grow up!
This is a person who is still very much family to your IL's and DH. You shouldn't have got with someone who's divorced and has a child if you don't want to hear anything about past relationships!
And yes my MIL talks about my OHs ex and we've even been to family events together!

Personally I don't see the big deal. My PIL still see DPs as they help with childcare. They get on with her but they also get on with me, it's not a competition, and the mention of her name doesn't undermine me. We all have history and a past, and when DC are involved exes will.also be part of the future. Do you struggle with insecurity, is that why it's triggering? Just trying to understand why it bothers you so much

It's hardly "disrespectful" to mention her name unless she's negatively comparing you. "Oh, shame these roasties aren't as good as Fiona's"- that's disrespectful. "Fionas got a new car" is just nothing.

You sound hugely insecure.

Are you the OW or did she hugely abuse your DH?

If she's just an ex that things didn't work out with I don't know why hearing her name is such a big deal. What's your trigger? Why are you so upset about not being your DHs first gf. She's just a person of shared interest and your MIL is a bit gossipy

Exh has a new car...
Oh, FIL ex has a new car...

Exh friend saw her new haircut
fil ex has a new haircut....

And repeat is the only response forever and I would find it hilarious to do it as well!

And the first post is absolutely the perfect solution!

Stop inviting her to your home

🤣

Gosh you’re obsessed with ex are you MIL, you want to be careful there are stalking laws

mil you been spying on ex again, you know that you can get into serious trouble

wow obsessive.. you need to be careful it doesn’t take over your life

nsver say it when dsd about