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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another MIL issue!

62 replies

Farmyardscene · 15/10/2024 15:20

MIL has form for become very over-involved especially with BIL and SIL. DH and I have taken DCs on a UK holiday. It’s only a couple of hours drive from our house.

MIL is annoyed at us because we didn’t let her know we have arrived safe? DH woke
up to loads of messages and calls from her panicking. We’ve got babies and we arrived late so just wanted to get them sorted then have a glass of wine and relax ourselves. I feel like she’s starting to spiral into over-involvement in our lives. AIBU? Would you still let your mum know when you’ve arrived somewhere?!

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 15/10/2024 15:40

mumtotwo11 · 15/10/2024 15:29

If we are going away - here or abroad - parents and in laws know we are going to- we'd normally pop a text to them (me to my parents, dh to his) to say we'd got there fine.

I know we are all adults but we are all someone's baby too - I don't think a quick text is a massive issue. I do think you MiL was a bit OTT maybe on this occasion x

Yes, we do this. A quick text on arrival -but neither set of parents would be ringing in panic if we forgot. We’d probably get one text asking if we’d got there.

toastofthetown · 15/10/2024 15:40

No I wouldn’t let them know I’ve arrived safely and that shouldn’t be an expectation of you. It’s not weird if that’s how your family communicates, but it shouldn’t be an obligation on you, or another thing on your to do list.

shellyleppard · 15/10/2024 15:38

I would have sent a quick text along the lines of..... arrived safe, settling in talk in the morning when things are settled??"

GabriellaMontez · 15/10/2024 15:36

A 2 hour drive... no. Don't begin this, who knows where it will end. Don't feed her unreasonable anxiety.

PenCreed · 15/10/2024 15:34

If you haven’t done it previously, don’t start now! We never bother telling either set of parents when we’ve arrived on holiday (or home again). They assume we’re competent adults who can manage.

mumtotwo11 · 15/10/2024 15:31

My own parents would pop a note in a group chat with my DB to say they had arrived safely somewhere too if they were travelling

YourMommaWasASnowblower · 15/10/2024 15:29

I think asking you if you have arrived safely is harmless and not over-involved. As long as she isn’t going to message you every day wanting the same update I don’t see the harm in putting her mind at rest.

mumtotwo11 · 15/10/2024 15:29

If we are going away - here or abroad - parents and in laws know we are going to- we'd normally pop a text to them (me to my parents, dh to his) to say we'd got there fine.

I know we are all adults but we are all someone's baby too - I don't think a quick text is a massive issue. I do think you MiL was a bit OTT maybe on this occasion x

itsmylife7 · 15/10/2024 15:27

Don't feed her "anxiety" it'll only get worse.

toomuchfaff · 15/10/2024 15:26

Oh hell no.

I don't let anyone know that "I've arrived safe" unless I've left them to travel to that place alone late at night. I definitely wouldn't be getting onto the habit of telling MIL every little detail about family whereabouts. Nip that shit right away.

Not sure how, maybe just a brush it off laughingly - oh Sheila, obviously we are fine, we are a family travelling together, why would we have an issue, what would you have done if we had an issue? Sheila, we've got a flat tyre, are you coming to fix it? No? well why would I tell you then?

angstridden2 · 15/10/2024 15:25

She’s obviously anxious, I am too and worry when loved ones are travelling. I can’t see that it’s over involvement (at least I hope that not how it appears) we’re just worriers. A quick ‘got here’ text isn’t too onerous surely even if it’s a bit annoying if she’s generally a good MIL.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 15/10/2024 15:25

She worries about you probably and in some family/friend groups it is standard to let people know that you're home safely. Now that you know this is an issue for her, you can either make a note to text on arrival in future, or tell her that you won't be doing that and that she would hear soon enough in the very unlikely event of an accident.

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