Another MIL issue!

My DB and I generally email each other our holiday dates just before we go away, so everyone has it in writing.
We don't say we've arrived at our destination but we do tend to drop a text when we're back home.
Mostly along the lines of "back home, great holiday, now exhausted. Will phone soon."

Ironically they would be notified if you had died or something anyway. Since your next of kin would be with you so they would go looking for more family members. No news equals good news.

Mil is like this. Even a simple camp half an hour away let me know you got there safe. We go on day trips 4 hours away that’s fine. The second it’s a holiday she must know.

Might not speak for two weeks randomly but the second we disappear for even a weekend it’s like we are suddenly going to die.

My mum assumes no news is good news unless I send her a picture of something either I like or think she will like.

I’d just let my husband deal with it and not get involved. I let my own parents know when we arrive anywhere cos that’s the type of family we are and we’re all in contact all the time. Wouldn’t occur to me to let husband’s family know so I would leave that up to him. If I’d thought it had caused worry, I’d prob just say to my partner ‘oh maybe text her next time’ but that would be the end of my involvement. I certainly wouldn’t consider this a MIL issue. It’s between your husband and his mum.

I still give my mum three rings to let her know I've got home safely after visiting her.
My kids text me to let me know they've arrived safely and also when they're back home again....what they do whilst they're at wherever is none of my business, but I like to know they're safe.
It's no big deal.

Is she expecting a text saying "safely arrived at work today", "arrived at recycling centre no problem, still alive", "made it home from shops without dying"?

Perhaps she has anxiety?

If they leave from. Our house I expect a "we are home safe" message. If they leave from theirs I don't. Equally if I leave from their house they get a "we are home safe" message

Where does it end? DH drives an hour each way to work everyday. He doesn’t text me or MIL to say he’s arrived safe. I’d send pics of the kids on hols etc over holiday because we have the close relationship. Wouldn’t even occur to me to text that we’re safe after a 2 hour drive and I’d say as much if I woke up to a barrage of texts/calls.

I actually had an argument with my own parents when they did this to me and DH years ago. We have since settled in a place where we do send a "we're ok" text which my dad accepts is code for ""we're safe, good, and just having a good time, will call in a few days, don't bother me".

I've lived abroad for 18 years, but my parents still worry.

Flying seems a bigger deal, but driving is the greater risk, so a worrier is going to worry about either, I suspect.

I’m from a family that does send a little message on arrival, so to me it’s natural and normal, so unless there’s more going on, I’d go along with it. If you find it a chore, that’s fine, let your DH do it, with a little reminder, if needed - I know it shouldn’t be needed, but we’re none of us perfect, and again, unless there’s more to the situation, for the sake of harmony and general rubbing along, I’d do that much, at least.

I don't even tell my parents I'm going on holiday (also over-involved people I keep at arms length) so I definitely wouldn't send them an arrived safe text

When we were in our 60's we still gave our mums three rings on the phone to let them know we were safely home after a 4 hour journey. Took seconds but put their minds at rest.

Action prompted after a family friend was killed in a car accident going to pick up his father for Sunday lunch a 10 minute drive away.

Being worried because she didn’t get a call? Reasonable in some families. It depends what’s normal for yours and if you/your DH would usually phone.
Repeatedly phoning, leaving messages and panicking? Really extreme.

This is one of those points where the single situation in isolation is impossible answer.

So, if it's just this one thing that she's got a bit of irrational anxiety about, then sure, if it's standard in their family to do it, then I don't see it as such a big deal.

The problem is if this is the tip of the iceberg and from there she'll expect daily updates on all activities, will be butting into private medical issues, will meltdown if you don't run financial decisions by her etc.....

You and your DH are the only ones who can answer that and who can then make a decision about what you do/do not consider acceptable for her to ask of you in the context of trips like this.

I suppose I do let my parents/siblings know as I send them photos of the place when I get there. We all do it in my family.🤣 It wouldn’t bother me if my husband’s mother texted him, she wouldn’t as she doesn’t use messages to communicate, but if it made her feel less anxious I’d just let my husband deal with it and stay out of it…I can’t see the big deal really.

We always let my dm know or mil that we'd arrived safe somewhere. Mainly when we drive to and from their houses which are about a 4 hour drive.
Not sure if we'd do that if we were only driving a couple of hours.

I also wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety. If it’s genuine anxiety that meant she sent loads of tests and called loads of times then she needs some MH support, I’d be getting DH to gently relay that message.
If it is an over-involved/ controlling thing then DH needs to nip that in the bud, either by not feeding/ grey rock or having a proper word.

She has anxiety of some sort. Think about what might have triggered it. You may then reflect whether to roll your eyes and give her the assurance she wants or whether to ask DH to lay down the law.

As an example, if she has recently lost someone unexpectedly or in an accident I'd probably cut her some slack for a while before deciding she needs to manage that fear independently.

DH woke up to loads of messages and calls from her panicking.

That’s very different from one message saying “hope you got there safely and are settled in with a glass of wine now”. The OP and her husband going on a mini break isn’t something she should need her mind putting at rest over, and certainly not to the point of multiple calls and messages.

Perfectly normal in my family to send a quick message on arrival. It only takes seconds and is a kind thing to do-particularly if someone's inclined to worry.

My MIL is like this. Acts as though we are children incapable of making decisions/ going anywhere/ looking after our own DC. I just ignore her and get on with my own life, DH can manage his mother 😂

My parents expect this, they worry it is a sign of care and easy to send a text. Usually i do text late after a missed call but i dont think there is any harm in this. Quick win to message and put their mind at rest.

I don't even think they need to talk to mil.

"Arrived safe, all lovely. See you when we are back"

Done

If feeling generous a few pics of kids midway thought holiday