Another MIL issue!

I'm afraid that I am guilty of this. If my husband goes out locally I don't expect him to text on arrival but I am always unsettled until he gets back. (He doesn't know this). A very dear family friend was killed on a 15 minute journey so I guess that colours my thinking.

To the people who say go they always text to let their parents know they got there ok, do you speak to your family every day?

I just find it strange, you could be anywhere on a day where you haven't spoken to them, so why do they need to know you've arrived somewhere safely?

I agree, my DH lets his mum know when we've arrived somewhere safely after travelling, I'd see it as a courtesy thing.

Conversely, she'd never send repeat texts or calls or get annoyed if he didn't! As an anxious person myself, I do think MIL's reaction was OTT, she needs to take responsibility for her anxiety, maybe look into CBT.

@AffIt , it must be amazing to know the inner thoughts of every human on the planet. How do you keep up?

When I was younger I’d resent the implication that I wasn’t invincible/independent, but as I have got older I am kinder to my parents expressions of care.

Nonsense.

This sort of stuff doesn't some from a place of concern, it comes from a need to control and be seen.

I think a really quick message to say we are here talk tomorrow as all tired would have been OK. I think it's OK to want to know you all arrived safely. Lots of missed calls and messages though is a bit over the top!

Totally this. Of course you've arrived safely. Her obsession/anxiety/whatever is her problem to deal with, not yours. In fact, start telling her less - she doesn't really need to know that you've gone away, does she?

2hr drive or weekend away no but longer travel yes I do let my DM know but if I forgot she wouldn't send loads of messages and harass me about it

I can go weeks without hearing from my mum. My DH mum txts about once a week.
Yeah I think your MIL is a bit OTT.
Nice to have a close family who care.. but expecting a text to say you've arrived on holiday safely the same night... that's really odd.
I'd not expect that from a family with kids after a long journey. They have enough to do without texting all the relatives.
I mean it would have been fine of her to text 'hope you've arrived safely abd have a good holiday' and wait till the morning for a reply.
But repeatedly texting abd then calling when she got no reply there and then is utterly ridiculous.

@Farmyardscene , cut her a bit of slack. This is the worry of someone who cares which is lovely. She may have been a bit over the top but you can talk to her and reassure her that you can help her not to worry in future. How about sharing your live location? Then she can be peaceful.

I refused to meet MIL's expectations about this as I'm forgetful and didn't want to get panicked calls. Don't pander to her anxiety, it's a slippery slope. Some people connect worrying with caring and consciously or unconsciously think if you don't worry you don't care, it's usually women who do this and IMO it's often learned behaviour ( bit different if it comes from actual trauma).

I am 50 and my Mum died last year aged 80, she died while I was on holiday, the day after I sent her a text to say I had arrived.
I always did it, she didn't make me it was just something we did, having said that she wouldn't have been annoyed if I didn't - presumably as I never missed 😀
DH doesn't do it though with his Mum

It doesn’t take a minute to send “we’re here mum, speak to you during the week, good night” then put the phone down and on silent if you have to. I still text my mum and dh to his that we got home safely to put their mind at rest.

No, I wouldn’t do that unless I’d left her house to go home. Generally then it’s a ‘home safe now, thank you for having us!’ kind of conversation.

If you need to let her know you’ve safely arrived after a 2 hour trip on holiday, would you need to let her know you’ve arrived on a day trip somewhere? Sometimes I’ve travelled that far for work/a course! Where do you draw the line!?

Does she acknowledge she's anxious and is she taking any steps to manage her anxiety? If she is I'd do things to support her; but if she refuses to get help I wouldn't tie myself in knots trying not to trigger her because thats just not possible.

As someone who has major MIL issues, create firm boundaries now, don't pander to unreasonable behaviour and stump it out before it goes too far!

My adult dc travel abroad.. I certainly don't ask or need a text clarifying grown people have arrived at their destination...

I ask my DD to let me know but only because she's a single woman. To be fair she asks us to let her know if we're going a long way, Yorkshire to Cornwall usually.
Although last year when it snowed quite badly she came for tea we both asked her to let us know when she got home. We all laughed because she asked if we were going to go out and push if she got stuck. It's just a caring habit but we wouldn't be sending multiple messages.

I think it depends. We let FIL know but if we forget he would just send a message saying "Hope you are ok". With my mother it spiralled to a point where she would need to know our exact itinerary and we would need to check in multiple times a day so we just didn't tell her anymore.

I don’t see any problem with sending a quick text to let them know you’d arrived safe and well. You wouldn’t have woken up to a load of texts then.

I wouldn't let my mil know unless she messaged specifically asking, but if she did ask I'd reply.

It doesn't really matter how normal this is for other people OP. If it's not normal for you, you need to gently set expectations hat you won't be doing it

Those of you who are anxious about loved ones travelling, does that include when they're travelling to the supermarket for example, when they're travelling about on a day to day basis?