To not want partner cooking for other women?

What does 'immediate connection' mean? I read that and thought 'Oh, I've had that'. An immediate gelling with someone - and it wasn't sexual, it was just an instant 'liking' for someone, it was a colleague and they became a close friend.

I'm happily married and this happened during that time. It has never ever been anything more than friendship and not at all secretive, just very obvious liking for each other. That was what I read about OP's boyfriend and female colleague.

They can. The ones who don’t agree with OP aren’t automatically ‘’cool girls” or men pretending to be women.

I wouldn’t find it creepy but then my best friend is a man and I cook for him so I’d be a hypocrite if I did.

Do you have any plans to live in the same place?

Ask yourself if trust him and if you can handle LTR. Getting therapy could help you look at where the jealousy stems from, low self esteem, previous trust issues etc.

I know it's not the same but I can't imagine my DH coming home and saying he wanted to go cook for a couple of women from work as he had an immediate connection with one of them, I'd be on alert instantly. The only way I'd agree is if I went with him. My DH would never do this though tbh 🤷‍♀️

If it was a long-standing friendship that's different but you don't do this with new acquaintances when in a committed relationship regardless of distance 💐 I think you should listen to your instincts, jealousy can be a useful emotion, it's an alert. Of course it can also be toxic and damaging, fine line.

The point is that you're not comfortable. I wouldn't be. If these were old friends that he has known that's one thing. But these are new friends. Being jealous is a label that I have found chucked at me when I have said I don't feel comfortable, it can be quite gas lighting...an ex of mine said he found my jealousy too much when I said I wasn't happy with him meeting up with a woman he had had an affair with when he was married... it's only with hindsight that I see how bloody unreasonable he was. So OP just be careful you're not making yourself the problem so that you don't have to start questioning whether he is behaving reasonably. Why doesn't he just hold a dinner party when you are there if he wants to play "chef"

@Kendra43 yeah, there lies the problem. Either he'll tell you, or he'll stop telling you. But he will have contact with other women.

A long distance relationship with a jealous type sounds like hell. Control from afar, no thanks.

I think your instinct that he is attracted to someone else and finding ways to spend time with her is accurate. Cooking for them both (apparently….) is basically an excuse to spend time with the attractive friend, let’s be real. It’s just an “in”.
You know he feels something for her, he told you that himself, and maybe something hasn’t happened YET, but it’s the start of the script. It’s mentionitis. And it’s clever really, because if you make a big deal about this you’ll be set up to be the jealous girlfriend who doesn’t let him have “friends”. You’re even doubting your feelings about your boundaries being crossed and blaming it on your own jealousy.

I think your gut/women's intuition is telling you something.

You think that him cooking a bit of dinner is going to turn into a threesome?

So here's the crux. You're projecting.

Basically, you're thinking that because You and your friends have done this before, it's not the innocent and you had ulterior motives to "suss" them out; you're assuming that he is doing this. You're projecting. Your jealousy is your trigger to manage. Don't expect others to change their behaviour to manage your triggers.

Thats good, you agree with me - women can have different boundaries and opinions.

The op finds her oh going to other women’s houses - one of whom he claims to have felt an “immediate connection” with - to cook for them is crossing hers and it makes her uncomfortable. I’d say most women would agree with her.

Personally I’d find it fucking creepy and weird if my dh wanted to go and bake round at female colleagues houses, I’m pretty sure he’d feel the same if the boot was on the other foot.

Listen to your gut op - it’s not “jealousy”, it’s your instincts telling you somethings amiss.

I meant to add this too, yes. Mustn’t forget them 🙄

@Kendra43 It kind of sounds like you're making excuses for him now though. Are you happy with it? Do you trust him? If you don't think he will sleep around then it should be fine, right? But it's not. Trust your instinct.

Of course because women can’t be different and have different boundaries and opinions. No, they are either “cool girls” or men pretending to be women. 🙄

I think you’re getting some pretty unfair and naive comments from the “cool girl” on here op

Along with the incels blokes

Yeah, he sounds like a right 'player'. What's he saying to two single women to make them think he might go round their house and cook for them? It sounds like he may not even tell them he's in a serious relationship.
Unless it is a mixed group of mates, male and female, and partners can be involved if they want to, it seems an odd set up.
But I wouldn't be blaming them, I'd be blaming him. You spend so much time apart anyway. I honestly think this might be a bad idea to continue.

I think you’re getting some pretty unfair and naive comments from the “cool girl” on here op.

It sounds like he’s deliberately trying to make you jealous which isn’t nice. I hate it when people play games like this, it makes me lose respect.

Yeah, if my oh told me he had “an immediate connection” with a member of the opposite sex he’d probably go straight in the bin.

Its ok to have boundaries you know? You feel the way you feel - it’s of no regard if others try to tell you they’re wrong - just bc they’d settle for being disrespected and negged, that’s on them.