To not want partner cooking for other women?

So you don't trust him to not sleep with them? You sound like a catch not!

Essentially you think that your partner can’t be trusted around women without you as a chaperone? Maybe you could just make him wear a chastity belt and you could keep the key in a safe? That way it would free up your social life from having to police his all the time.

Seriously?! Do you do this with his male friends too? Or is it just women you don’t trust him around?
Good god

You say you don't like it because it's something special he does for you but I bet you wouldn't have a issue with it if he was cooking for two male friends.
It's not him cooking for others that's the issue, it's your jealousy.

Agreed.
It's odd that the responses in this thread are, for the majority, completely the opposite to another recent thread in which the male partner announced he had a connection with another woman. In that case, most people leaned towards LTB; here, it's all for the OP to work on her insecurities.

Would you bring this up if they were male friends though

“Unfortunately I’m quite a jealous person”

You say this like it’s just the way things are and he has to accept it, although I can see from later posts that you recognise you should perhaps consider therapy. Your reaction to things is yours to own, accept, or work on, but you also get to decide what you’re prepared to accept in a relationship and if he’s not for you, then you can decide that and walk away. What you can’t do is expect him to change his choices or behaviours to suit you (apart from anything, you’ll only end up disappointed because changed behaviours never last unless the person wants to make the change themselves)

Exactly this. Feeling uncomfortable is your body/soul telling you that something isn't quite right. You're NBU. I do think this calls for a conversation with your partner. I'm not suggesting you point an accusatory finger at him, because the fact that he's sharing this with you shows he's got nothing to hide. It's more about being open about your feelings.

Perhaps before you go to this works do, you can pee on him to mark your territory

Yup

I agree with this.

If they were just workmates ok. But this is a new person and he said he had an immediate connection to her. That means they like each other.

I would make time to go to the dinner with him. Then you'll see.

But tbh I'm afraid that far away, you will never be able to stop their connection developing if it does. :(

Forget anyone telling you that you are the issue.

if you are the jealous type - sort that out.

But I would feel uncomfortable if my man went to a woman’s house to cook. Especially if it’s just the 2 of them. Why does he need to cook for her? Can’t they just go out and meet for coffee or something?

Maybe nothing will happen, but I would find it weird unless there were other people in their company. I’d definitely express how I feel about it.

Is it the same with you and male friends?

I think some people on this site would be happier living in one of those strict Muslim countries where it's a crime for women to be in the company of men who aren't their husband or relative.

Why? Why do you feel the need to control your partners social life so closely based on the gender of the other person?

If the trust level is so low, why do you stay? What joy is there in being with someone and not having a life separate to the couple?

My partner has female friends, but one rule I had was that of he wants to meet them, I am always invited and if I can't make it, do it around my schedule too, otherwise he isn't meeting up with other women alone without me.

If he didn't like this rule, he could move along.

You need to decide what you are able to tolerate, and tell him

My DH has a longtime female friend I’ve never even met, because she’s lived in SA, Barcelona and Haifa and is a travel writer, so they tend to meet up if their paths cross when they’re both working somewhere in one another’s vicinity, and as we have a young son, if DH is working away I’m at home and vice versa. I like what I’ve heard of her, and hope I’ll meet her sometime. I’m pretty sure DH has probably cooked for her at some point, or she for him, though they’re both fairly foodie and like eating out. I can’t say I sit about having dark suspicions about their relationship. He has other female friends, too. I’d find a man who didn’t a bit strange.

Yes it probably is. Easy to say when you are not in that situation though

He's clearly not being great or mature himself or he would realise that telling his partner he has a connection with another woman isn't really the done thing

I'm guessing you would be happy with your partner cooking for a woman he says he has a connection with but you'd never met then

Don't believe anyone that says that wouldn't bother them

OP how old is he ? And how old are the women? I just note you mentioned he has come out of a long marriage, I just wonder if he is flattered by attention...

He's cooking for them, not shagging them.

If you think that's too intimate, then let him know.

You can't regard his skill at something as 'yours'. If he's a good cook who enjoys it it's entirely up to him who he chooses to share that with. So if that's all there is to it, YABU. However if you suspect he may have designs on one or both of the women, that's a different matter.

How unbelievable juvenile.

It would expect he is cooking for them because he is bored and enjoys cooking and was delighted to have a new friend to hang out with. I can see your perspective too of course. I think you could suggest a dinner party next time you are at his and get to meet and hang out with these women. Who knows it could become an important friendship in your future. I always found it easier to make male friends than female when I was younger, for whatever reason, but this was always much easier when I was already in a relationship. It takes the attraction question out of a friendship and I always found men more open and relaxed around me when I wasn't single. Nothing ever amounted to anything other than friendship. Maybe your BF is like me and that's all it is?

I am long distance and if my partner told me he was going to cook for two women we'd be having words.

Also... How would he behave or react if yoy told him a male colleague he's never met but you have a connection with is coming over to cook for you next week...?

I'd tell him oh, weird.. Snap cos I'm doing the same next week. I won't be able to come to you Friday as xxx is coming I've to cook for me but I'll see you the Saturday Instead

@Kendra43

Has your DP actually set a date to go and cook for his friends? If not in an of itself it's a flippant remark many people make in the course of a work day.

What has made my ears prick up is that he also mentioned a crush in the city you were visiting and how he didn't do anything because he was attached. Bit odd to mention it, was he after an award for being a good boy? Again in and of itself nothing to worry about.

Then he mentions having an immediate connection to one of his new friends .... starting to consider he has something on his mind that's leaking out. Is he trying to push your buttons in some way? Make you jealous or is it something else? Whatever it is he has delivered a dose of instability in your relationship.

Then I spotted this in one of your posts

My main worry is that although he loves me he wants to experience something else. Before me he was in a long marriage and never really had the experiences others did.

WTF does that mean?

On the whole having female friends isn't normally a problem but he is mentioning a couple of odd things around women he has a connection to outside of your relationship and while he loves you he wants to experience something else ... what exactly?

It's not unreasonable to ask what he wants from your relationship. Are you a holiday companion with benefits with or without mutual exclusivity or are you a long term DP where you will be making plans to move closer and spend more time together. Either is fine as a relationship if you are both happy with that but you don't seem terribly happy about any of it.

You don't have to question his friendships with other women but he's making your standing in the relationship unstable and picking at something he possibly knows you might get jealous about. Communication is key in a relationship, it might be nothing or he might as you mentioned in your OP be Testing the Waters for something else.

Either way it is making you doubt yourself, personally I'd ask for a discussion about where this relationship is going and how he sees the future panning out.