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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for Inviting Family to Australia?

34 replies

freebirdblue · 15/10/2024 14:02

My sister and I both live in Australia, though we’re originally from the UK. She’s in her thirties, engaged, with kids, and owns her home. Growing up, her relationship with our parents wasn’t great, and I’d say both sides were at fault. Now, I feel my sister can still be selfish and ungrateful. She holds grudges, especially against our parents. For example, when she asked our mum to babysit (when we all lived in the UK), and mum couldn’t make the trip, my sister never let it go and still often claims mum wasn’t supportive (because of it) - for context, our parents lived two hours away, and they’re low-income, so spontaneous travel wasn’t easy/affordable for them.

Our mum is generous and thoughtful. She loves finding pieces and sends clothes across for my sister’s kids, but my sister looks down on them because she assumes mum only bought them because they were possibly on sale. Last year my older sister claimed she didn’t have money to buy anyone presents (but bought her in laws expensive gifts) so I bought everyone gifts on her behalf.

On the other hand, my sister has been very supportive of me since I moved here. I currently live in her spare room, pay minimal rent, and she cooks dinner for me every night. So while she can be difficult towards our parents, she can also be caring towards me.

Recently, I offered to fly our mum and younger sibling over to visit us in October as a Christmas present. Before extending the invite, I asked my sister if she’d be okay hosting, and she nodded yes, so I went ahead and confirmed with our family. But tonight, when we discussed it again, my sister said she and her partner plan to return to the UK next year and won’t have any annual leave left to entertain our family, saying that I could just do it. When I pressed her on whether they’d still be around in October, she said they’re saving and would go whenever it’s most affordable. When I asked if she’d prefer our family not to come, she avoided giving me a straight answer.

I love my sister but on occasions like this, I can’t help but feel frustrated with her and feel negative about her as a person.

So AIBU for being annoyed? I’ve already invited our mum and sister, but now I feel like they aren’t welcome, and I’m unsure how to handle this with both my sister and our mum.
My sister also knows they can’t afford a hotel and that I most likely won’t be in a situation (flatshare) where I could put them up either.

OP posts:
Original poster
freebirdblue · 15/10/2024 14:23

WYorkshireRose · 15/10/2024 14:13

She doesn't want to spend time with them. She isn't stopping you from doing so. You nod along and consider yourself fortunate to have a sister who's happy to put you up practically rent free and still accommodate your wishes Hmm Do you not see how cheeky it is to use your money to fly your family over to Australia, whilst freeloading yourself?

Far from freeloading, I only moved to Australia because my sister was feeling depressed and lonely, and she asked me to relocate.

I pay $$$ per week in rent and say it's minimal because it's about half of the typical rental prices here. I’ve offered to pay more, but my sister always declines and even gets offended if I try to send extra money, returning it to me.

For my first two months here, I only worked casually and didn’t travel because I was helping them with childcare while my brother-in-law’s parents were away. I also cover the costs of big family outings, like trips to the zoo or AFL games, and I regularly take my niece and nephew on trips.

On top of that, I treat my sister and her partner to a monthly date night, covering the costs ($$$) and babysitting for them. I often babysit so they can have time together or to themselves, and I wake up early on weekends to take care of the kids, giving them a chance to sleep in.

All in all, what I save in rent, they save more on in terms of childcare and babysitting. We both acknowledge that it's quite balanced.

OP posts:
Weepingwillows12 · 15/10/2024 14:21

freebirdblue · 15/10/2024 14:15

The only way for our mum and younger sibling to visit is if my sister hosts them, and she’s fully aware of that. I didn’t think their relationship was that bad, because my sister talks to mum on FaceTime when I’m on a call with her. My sister also has no problem messaging mum to ask for UK goodies she misses or accepting money from her.

My sister and her partner are only travelling to the UK for a holiday (14-21 days) and said they’d more than likely go across in April or May, there has never been any mention of October which is why I suggested that month.

Show quote history

Ah ok I misunderstood about the moving back part. So basically she is saying she won't take time off to host them but that they can stay? Or do you think she's really rescinding the invitation? I think this sounds like she is trying to support you but isn't really interested in seeing your family herself.

Are you worried that it will be hurtful to your family if she's not involved as much? Can you host them on your own or were you relying on your sister to ferry them around or fund them in a way you can't do? Maybe if you explain that your sister had no annual leave to take so will just see them in the evenings/ weekends then at least they know the plan upfront and can decide what they want to do.

Better still speak again to your sister and clarify her exact expectations and what she is willing to do.

saraclara · 15/10/2024 14:21

You can't invite people, even your parents, to stay with someone else! Even if she's they daughter.
You're getting bed and board for next to nothing, and now expecting her to host, entertain and feed them because YOU'VE invited them?

It's not your house to invite them to!

Gizlotsmum · 15/10/2024 14:19

It sounds like you and your sister have very different relationships with your parents. I get you asked if she was ok hosting but did you give her time to consider her answer? Did you make it clear it wasn’t a problem if she didn’t want too? To me it feels a bit cheeky asking them to stay at her house when you know they don’t have a great relationship.

Catza · 15/10/2024 14:19

She didn't say they can't come and you shouldn't have asked her that again after she already gave you a go ahead. Whether you sister is there or not is irrelevant to the rest of the family plans. Do nothing. Enjoy the time with your mum. Your sister did nothing wrong here. In fact, she was more than generous in her offer to host and is free to make whatever plans she wishes for that period.

Original poster
freebirdblue · 15/10/2024 14:15

Weepingwillows12 · 15/10/2024 14:08

I think if they don't get on then asking her to host so you can see them probably wasn't ever going to work. She should have been more honest upfront though. If they might be moving back to the UK then I would just mention to your parents that the situation has changed so don't book tickets.

The only way for our mum and younger sibling to visit is if my sister hosts them, and she’s fully aware of that. I didn’t think their relationship was that bad, because my sister talks to mum on FaceTime when I’m on a call with her. My sister also has no problem messaging mum to ask for UK goodies she misses or accepting money from her.

My sister and her partner are only travelling to the UK for a holiday (14-21 days) and said they’d more than likely go across in April or May, there has never been any mention of October which is why I suggested that month.

OP posts:
WYorkshireRose · 15/10/2024 14:13

She doesn't want to spend time with them. She isn't stopping you from doing so. You nod along and consider yourself fortunate to have a sister who's happy to put you up practically rent free and still accommodate your wishes Hmm Do you not see how cheeky it is to use your money to fly your family over to Australia, whilst freeloading yourself?

Weepingwillows12 · 15/10/2024 14:08

I think if they don't get on then asking her to host so you can see them probably wasn't ever going to work. She should have been more honest upfront though. If they might be moving back to the UK then I would just mention to your parents that the situation has changed so don't book tickets.

waterrat · 15/10/2024 14:03

sounds like really your sister doesn't want to see your parents - which is obviously a really big issue and not one that can be resolved in a single conversation.

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