Is it weaponised incompetence or are men just rubbish?

You throwing everything in the dishwasher willy nilly might save time but it might also lead to problems down the line.

The stuff might come out still dirty and need scrubbing
Failure to rinse might lead to a blocked drain
Things might break or chip
Items placed the wrong way around might retain dirty soapy water

Thought about all that, then? Mmm?

Well no, sure, BUT if it takes him 45 minutes then, when you're looking at the overall volume of tasks you've each done he can say, "well, I spent an hour cleaning the kitchen" so of course, you can't ask him to ALSO do the washing .....

DH and I do the same number of tasks but he definitely takes a lot longer to do his then complains he has no free time. If he's doing something out of the ordinary (e g. we cleaned the bathroom because our cleaner was off sick when we had visitors due) I now tell him how long he's got to do the job or he'd take 2 hours to clean a bathroom that the cleaner can clean in 15 minutes. It will be spotless when he's done of course but it's unnecessary.

No, I do not believe they genuinely struggle with it. They're just lazy and don't think it's important.

I would note that I see plenty of WEAPONISED incompetence from women who know they can get people to just do it for them by batting their eyelids but I'm sure that would be an unpopular opinion here.

This is the only time I have been aware of such a concept.

I think a lot of the time it's just arrogance or laziness not deliberately doing things badly

"Silly women doing silly tasks, wasting silly energy thinking about it". Or again thinking household tasks aren't important, and not wanting to put the energy in or expecting others to

My dh will meticulously place items in the dishwasher, taking 40 minutes to stack it, whereas I would take 5-10 minutes to shove it in - probably not to his liking, but perfectly adequately. But it's one of his jobs (his choice!) so I know he's not doing it slowly to make me take over.

Well no, sure, BUT if it takes him 45 minutes then, when you're looking at the overall volume of tasks you've each done he can say, "well, I spent an hour cleaning the kitchen" so of course, you can't ask him to ALSO do the washing .....

I do often think this isn't on purpose though. It's a socialised lens through which men view the world. They are taught, and experience, that they have more control over their lives and their worlds from day 1. So it honestly doesn't occur to them that, actually, taking 45 minutes to do the dishwasher is ridiculous and is taking away from 20 other tasks that need doing.

Mine is moderately incompetent at most "household" chores due to not concentrating on them - as pp has said it's complete indifference. He doesn't GAF if he hangs the clothes crappy or vacuums badly as he doesn't really care about the outcome 🤷🏼‍♀️ for eg have you ever unexpectedly visited the bathroom in a male-only household?? It's pretty grim 🤢 they just don't care, FME.

In reality I struggle not to take it personally I admit 🤣

I've not seen this, to be honest. Most men I know are perfectly capable, rounded adults. Dh is very practical.

Why would you settle for being married to an 'incompetent' human being? I struggle to see how anyone could spend 40 minutes loading a dishwasher. That was one of the DCs jobs and they managed it in about 5 mins whilst still in primary school.

@Comedycook This. For example, my OH will clean the bathroom once a year to a forensic degree (and then tell me how I should be doing it) whereas I do it every other day to a basic level which goes unnoticed. He expects a biscuit (thank you) when he does domestic stuff where I just get on with it, mostly.

Yes! Mine too. Lie he has al the time in the world to fold the washing up so it looks like it's going to be sold in a shop rather than me just quickly folding it.
Mind you, even when he does fold the washing up perfectly he still doesn't ever seem to put it away!

I've noticed that when my dh has to carry out a household task... loading the dishwasher, hanging out the laundry etc he will do it 100 times better than me...but imo thats because hes only focusing on that task. Whereas if I'm loading the dishwasher, I'm also probably making dinner, wiping down the surfaces and helping DD with her homework at the same time.

"Weaponised incompetence" sounds like too much hard work. 😀

I think people see malice where it's just incompetence a lot of the time.

Especially on Mumsnet people like to shout WEAPONISED INCOMPETENCE whenever a man has been useless but ultimately he's just being useless and there's no sexist agenda.

I would note that I see plenty of WEAPONISED incompetence from women who know they can get people to just do it for them by batting their eyelids but I'm sure that would be an unpopular opinion here.

At the risk of mansplaining, it's not incompetence in may cases, it's total and utter indifference.
It's something we don't care about so we devote no thought or effort to it.
"Weaponised incompetence" sounds like too much hard work.