This video shouldn’t be on his phone. It shouldn't even exist!

He sounds like a disloyal, self-indulgent prick, to be honest. Nothing much ‘incredible’ about him. He’s fucked off on a ‘meditation retreat’ (leaving you home with the kids?) and come home obsessed with a pretty younger woman. What a selfish cliche.

What does he contribute to family/home life usually?

Your DH is an old perv. Take the blinkers off.

I saw this post yesterday, yes he is being creepy. He is married and married men doing this kind of thing is pervy and letchy

Go on a as retreat yourself.

In what way is he incredible?
He has filmed a women whilst away without a now ogling her in your company.
I agree he’s incredible… an incredible dickhead.

You lost me at meditation retreat to be honest

I am not accusing her of anything

Well no, she’s not your spouse.

id you speak to him about how you feel OP?

Yeah I'd be insisting on men's retreats in the future. I've been on a few and the all women's ones were great and the mixed ones were a lot of debauchery after hours!

How long is the video?

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about this at all, unless it was part of a pattern or there was some evidence of actual unfaithfulness.

So he really likes or admires this woman, even feels wistful perhaps that he can't have a closer friendship? Why does this matter? Surely, as someone's partner, you don't need to feel that you are everything to them, that there aren't some attractive traits in other people that your partner may find engaging?

Not everything good can be concentrated in one person.

Trust your gut. Always.

You know what this means.

Op, the hugest hugs, there are some things that aren’t cheating- except they are. You need to specifically ask him about the video but by actually saying’ how would you feel if roles were reversed?’ I’m so sorry because this is totally opening a can of worms but it needs to be opened xxxxx

Why get yesterday's thread deleted by MN and then post about it again today?

This is giving me Andrew Lincoln in Love Actually vibes….

@Onestepfromendingitall On what basis have you come to that conclusion? What retreats are you talking about? I've been of loads of meditation and yoga retreats and there has never been any innappropriate conduct, and in most of the meditation retreats the men and women did not mix at all. So please don't make wild presumptions.

Why the additional thread?

Seems like he has a crush. I agree that as long as he isn’t acting inappropriate then there’s no problem here

He fancies her, which isn’t a crime. As long as his behaviour is appropriate I wouldn’t worry about it.

I'm afraid these 'retreats' are well known as being essentially bonk fests and are overwhelmingly attended by single adults, so I'm amazed and frankly mystified that you were ok with your DH going tbh.

I'd be packing his bags. You do not need proof.

He’s obviously not “incredible” as you’ve posted here about him. Be for real.

Ugh. The look reserved for you, for your love, is now being directed at someone else. How absolutely hurtful. I don't know if I could come back from the unease and hurt of that, personally. My friend who's done some yoga retreats/wellness stays said they are a hotbed of infidelity, but of course that's purely anecdotal.

My exh had a profile pic of him and his "best girlie friend" when we first met, embracing and looking like a couple... She definitely doesn't see him that way, but she's more than happy to take the ego boost of knowing he is obsessed with her. I heartily wish I'd never bothered with him after seeing him give her "that look",and he was only a single man at the time, not bloody married, like your H! Please don't contort yourself in any way yo get him to "pick" you. You should be enough just being who you are.

Whatever you ask though, he will deny it. I would have my radar switched completely on, and I will never accept being second best to a crush ever ever again. It destroys your confidence.

Maybe OP thought he would focus on his own practice and spend time appropriately chatting to others and not crossing lines like this. And leave it there.

I have an interest that is VERY heavily male-dominated. Every time I go away for an overnight or weekend to participate it's with a mostly male group of friends (a couple of us are women). We have a blast. Over the many years I've made several new friends, added them on social media, then met up at the next get together. I have a lovely group of friends now, we've been friends for years.

DH trusts me that I would never do something like this, that I would only ever behave in a way I'd be happy for him to witness. I can't imagine meeting a new man and taking videos of him to look back on afterwards lol. That's just so bizarre and creepy as hell.

OP thought her husband was trustworthy, and probably didn't give it a second thought when he went off on this trip. I wouldn't doubt my husband going off on a trip, including if he was hanging around a load of young beautiful interesting women, because I trust him. But I guess you can never really know anyone, can you? This must be such a shock to the system for OP.

OP sounds very chill, which is a blessing and a curse. I wouldn't be too chill here OP.

Ok put down your weapons. Yes, it’s sounds like he has a crush. But tbh getting a crush is a normal thing he may not even realise he filmed the video in such a way. Don’t confront him, but do talk to him about the fact it’s making you feel insecure and go from there. I agree he shouldn’t have the video on his phone and if he fancies her, or behaving in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, he shouldn’t keep in contact but if you go at him all guns ablasing he’s probably going to get defensive and you won’t really get anywhere.