This video shouldn’t be on his phone. It shouldn't even exist!

Of course you feel anxious and unsettled, @SpaceyChapman. This was not the type of ‘adventure’ you envisioned him having when you waved him off.

He developed an infatuation and is acting on it. Filming this woman to fantasize and perv over both in private and right in front of you is truly beyond the pale.

Is it possible that they actually met online before attending the retreat? Do you know if they’ve been chatting since he returned?

Spacey, I would confront him and address his appalling behavior immediately. This is so wrong on many levels.

How strange! Make sure you know where he is at Christmas when the Carol singers are usually doing their rounds!

@EngineEngineNumber9 You wot?! We've clearly missed the back story. Is neck down alopecia even a thing!? And if this is true (any of it) then he's done more than meditate with her!

Where are these? I want to go.

Oh, come on...it's just some little fleeting thing...no big deal..

Just take the Mickey a little bit...mercilessly if you like. Imitate her in the vid, imitate him watching it...

Or, you could Leave The Bastard as most posters seem to actually think. 😝

Yes, this is my view as well. He needs to hear it from you in no uncertain terms. There is so much wrong with what he has done.

He's playing with fire right in front of you OP. He needs a bloody good kick up the arse before he completely trashes his family.

Exactly.

Obviously he fancies her. Many married people will fancy someone else occasionally but what’s more worrying is that he’s gone out of his way to video her (creepy and presumably storing it up for later) and he doesn’t seem to care about the effect on you of his behaviour in having this video and openly watching it.

A happily married person who finds themselves attracted to someone else will file it under “ah well, maybe in my next life” and step away. Not video that person and rewatch it later in front of their spouse FFS.

I’d also question why he was on this retreat in the first place. Seems odd to go alone unless this is related to his job or a long standing hobby.

Can you tease him a bit about it, like ooh someone’s got a crush? It doesn’t have to be a major issue, crushes do happen in a relationship. It’ll let him know you’ve clocked it though and maybe make him think about how it’s coming off

Why? Um…he fancies her. Thats why. To rewatch it To fantasise about her. I would have thought it’s glaring obvious why he filmed it.

It was deleted. But OP talked about the woman having “neck down alopecia” and being a “nymphomniac”

Ps can someone link the original thread?

This is horrid for you op. We all look elsewhere sometimes but to witness your love doing it is heartbreaking.
Have you spoken to him about it? How did he react?
I agree I'd be tempted to delete it - see if he confronts you (he probably won't). That's enough of a message that what he did is wrong. If that's all it was then leave it there.
You could ask him if he's kept in touch with anyone and I would have a firm boundary that any new 'friends' of the opposite sex shouldn't be secret messages.
I also you should go on your own fit singles retreat x

If it were me I'd go and delete the video and see how long it takes him to notice 😆 If never - great. If within a day or 2, I'd be worried

"He's incredible" How so?

You seem fixated on her. Your DH has videoed her and is rewatching it, this is the issue.

I think it’s better you are less focused on her role. She may have been smiling politely, many of us have been in this situation, kind of stuck with a man being overly nice and flirty and not wanting to be seen as a rude cow telling him to get lost. From one video there is no way to know if she was even into him or actually happy about this. So best focus on him, why is he videoing and rewatching it I don’t think you are wrong to feel uncomfortable but take her out of the equation here.

You say he's not a perv and he's incredible. I think you have the two quite mixed up.
He is quite clearly a perv if he's filming videos of some woman and that doesn't make him very incredible.

Listen to your gut OP, this is so disrespectful and hurtful for him to have done this.

I'm afraid your husband is just some old perv. As for the pp who suggested he might not even realise he filmed the video in such a way, words fail me. Had he fallen into some trance as he filmed her? I suppose it was just some muscle spasm that made him look like a Cheshire cat while he watched it three times in front of his wife. This is simply disrespectful to you and he seems shameless about it. I would not be a cool wife over this. Strangely, it's never some middle aged woman or some chap whom they "befriend", is it? Oddly enough middle aged men seem like lemmings "befriending" young women. If their wives find out about they whine - less attractively than a hungry Labrador - about their wives not wanting them to have friends and assuring their wives that it was all platonic and their wives simply don't trust them. Frankly, it would be foolish to believe a word he says or let him out of your sight.

Not being vain, but I was considered very attractive as a young woman. I can assure you that I never thought married men off the leash were wanting sparkling conversation when they leered at me or eyed me up. Or if they did it was only a prelude to something else. I just thought these men were pathetic and never had anything to do with them. I'm only amazed that if this young woman was so entrancing she didn't have better offers from men she could simper at while aligning her chakras or whatever.

Have you posted about this before OP? Did your original thread have the word nymphomaniac in it? I would be upset about him looking at the video over and over though.