This video shouldn’t be on his phone. It shouldn't even exist!

I'm wondering why your husband was going abroad on a meditation adventure trip without you. Is that usual? I can understand a couple of days away for a meeting to do with work or something, or a sporting event, that happens, but what you describe sounds like an idyllic escape from mundane life. I'm sure most of us would all like to do that at times but generally don't without our spouses and it's not always practical or even affordable.

If he goes on things like that he is bound to meet people with whom he bonds and will remember with affection.

I don't know what to think, I suggest you talk to him and find out where he's at.

He's so infatuated he's actually watching it in front of you. Why not just watch it while he's out or locked in the bathroom? Yuk.

Well, he’s not doing a very good job of hiding it from her…she’s seen him look ‘longingly’ at it 3 times! And what is ‘neck down alopecia?’

You sound lovely op but also naive. Yoga retreats are well known hook up opportunities. It provides a great excuse, it's physical, people can get personal very quickly. There he is filming another woman, hiding the film from you. He's incredible alright. An incredible bullshitter!

Your husband is the only one out of line here.

There is no indication whatsoever that this lady has done anything wrong so why blame her for simply existing?

Do you mean brave enough to confront him?

@SpaceyChapman, your peace of mind is of primary importance. Sitting by and swallowing your distress is extremely corrosive, so I urge you to address what you’ve observed and how you feel about it.

You know your H. Alarm bells are ringing because his boundaries have weakened for this woman. He’s enchanted and has chosen to nurture and fuel his infatuation by videoing her for future gazing/fantasizing and by attempting to engage her once home with photos of himself cooking (her special interest or profession). There’s a good chance they will move to private messaging.

He is massively disrespecting you and your marriage, @SpaceyChapman. Express your discomfort/assert your boundaries before this goes further.

@SantasRubiksCube no it wasn’t that. OP was very distracted by how attractive this lady was and did not take it well in the first thread. Being attractive isn’t a crime and there is no way of knowing the lady did anything wrong. She may have just been polite and tolerant. It’s not worth focusing on her because OP has no info about her or her intentions, she is married to the man who is upsetting her. Also, if he cheated on OP, would this woman even know he was married? See you can’t start focusing on the female it is a waste of energy unless you know any of the info about her. That’s speculation and assumption, what OP does know is that her DH appears to have a crush on another woman

I still get the feeling you are blaming her ...for what who knows. And you say he's not an old perve, I think that's exactly what he is.

I understand the whole innocent until proven guilty, but everyone who is blindly defending the woman who the OPs husband fancies, how do you know nothing happened between them on this trip? The only ones who know are the OPs husband and the woman. Yes he may just be being really insensitive to the OP by being abit starry-eyed over this woman or for all we know he's already spent the night with her on this trip and is pining over her now he's back home to reality.

Everything about this screams infatuation at the very least. He’s mooning over her photos and taking up new hobbies to catch her attention.This is so disrespectful to you and your relationship. Be prepared for him to say you’re crazy if you confront him.

He’s trying to impress her by doing something he knows she has a special interest in. You need to get your hands round this immediately. This is pure affair development material.

What would happen if you took the piss and referred to “Dave’s Crush”?

Oh you’re cooking again to impress your holiday crush! That kind of thing.

Seriously, how can you tell if someone is "looking longingly"?! 😂

My DH has just returned from a meditation retreat / adventure holiday abroad.

These sort of "retreats" are all about "finding yourself" - a concept that can be very troublesome as it is so self-indulgent and often simply means finding someone else.

It is entirely normal for people to be attracted to people other than their spouses - we are all only human. But these sort of retreats really do attract this sort of thing. I have seen it all before - Open University summer schools are another culprit!

The important thing is what we do about it. Your OH needs to know that you are offended (quite rightly) by him mooning (in the old sense!) over this video and he needs to get his head out of the retreat mode and back into real life, where he is obliged to have consideration for your feelings. Confront him with it - tell him you are hurt by it and don't be fobbed off with bland protestations of innocence. It may well be that they did not have sex, but it is clear he would have liked to. Tell him you have found this all very destabilising and don't let him tell you you are being over-sensitive - most women would be put out by it. Stand your ground.

It is so easy for men to be bowled over by this and forget the reality of life - to forget it is you who follows him into the toilet when he has stunk the place out; and it is probably you who washes his socks! They get locked into this fantasy land and forget the relationship that is the solid basis of their life.

This is tricky to negotiate, but you are right to be concerned.

I think you have to eat lentils.

Going on this retreat sounds like textbook mid life crisis and this is part of that.

It reminds me a bit of the guy filming Keira knightly in love actually. Vomit.

It was deleted as OP was quite nasty about the lady in question who has done nothing wrong apart from exist. The same nastiness wasn’t shared for her husband.

Yes, that would be horrible to see.

How are you going to approach this?