This video shouldn’t be on his phone. It shouldn't even exist!

More than likely the two of them were on holiday together. Get asking him questions about who was all there

You made me laugh with that 😂

Sorry OP, serious thread.

The quantity of bonking/not bonking on retreats is not the point.

Yes I'd do that!

Sorry op he's obviously got a crush of this "conventionally" attractive woman (that means gorgeous I assume?)

Very perverted to film her (very love actually vibes as pp said).

Delete the video (from deleted items too) and see if your incredible husband is upset or angry. I'd be wondering if he intends to keep in touch with the woman or if they have planned to meet at other retreats (or he's stalking her online to work out while ones she might go to in future).

I'm sorry, it's a horrible situation to be in, and I'm not surprised you are upset.

id say wtf and hit him over the head with a frying pan (probably)

An older man filming a younger women then keeps watching it

that’s creepy behaviour

she was lost likely humouring him it’s easier than telling him to stop being a creep

100% this!

@SpaceyChapman seriously though, I can see you’ve acknowledged that you’ve been unfair about this woman and that’s good. It’s your husband who is behaving inappropriately and I suspect you felt very hurt and misdirected your pain at this undeserving woman. It’s good you took your original post down (which I didn’t see).

As for your husband, he’s obviously got a crush on this woman. Crushes are normal I would say. Just because we are partnered up doesn’t mean we automatically stop finding other people attractive. And she sounds perfectly lovely. So why would he not find her attractive? However, the watching on repeat videos he’s taken focusing on her is not really OK. Feigning an interest in her hobby to try and forge an ongoing friendship is inadvisable given he has a crush on her. It is disrespectful to your marriage to be doing this. I think he knows this and is doing it in plain sight to try and convince himself it’s fine really. Maybe he’s testing the water and seeing if he can get away with it.

I am a very liberal person. I don’t mind my partner telling me about his crushes. It wouldn’t bother me at all if he’d gone away and came home saying there was a gorgeous woman there he really fancied. I’d probably tease him about it!! However, if he made and watched films of her when he got home and feigned an interest in her hobby to get closer to her I would be really annoyed. So I am completely with you on this. His behaviour is well off!! Direct your hurt at him. Not her.

I think you probably need an honest conversation. Clearly he fancies her. Fine. Normal. But the making a slide show and using her photo as the title page….watching films of her on repeat. It’s creepy and disrespectful and he needs to get rid of the video, change the title page of his weird slide show, and agree never to send any messages to her. And stop being a creepy weirdo!

I would ask him about it. If he gets defensive then you know your in trouble.

What have you said to him and what has he told you in return?

Indeed! I mean, people have told anecdotes about someone they know going on a retreat and bonking away, so it must be fact!

He’s not hiding it - that would be more worrying. I’d go down the taking the piss route to begin with, then add its a bit disrespectful, as an aside.

I don’t understand your tolerance of his behaviour. Would he accept you behav8 g like this?

Maybe people were bonking but just secretly?

Well then that settles it!

I read your post and realise how incredibly painful this is for you.

I shared it with my DP who said straight away - he's smitten. She's turned his head. But it will fizzle out.

If you have ever been on a trip like that (I have done BodyCamp a few times) you will find a wide range of like minded people. Couples and singles. There is always young (and older) attractive people who shine out and are good company. Sometimes people really get on and chat more but that is where it ends.

He's clearly behaving like a fool and I do wonder why you aren't talking to him about this? Are you scared about what he will say or that he won't take your upset seriously?

I do think it's a crush. Made him feel young again or special or whatever vibe he got. But I don't see it as a threat to your marriage dependant on how you both deal with it.

I'd be in agony over this as well but I'd confront it head on and then want to move on.

An issue for me would be him going on anymore trips like this. But that is for another day. Or maybe the next one is you both?

Sending so much positivity to you my friend. You can do this. Keep going.

It’s like the wedding video in Love Actually.

Oh no. I didn’t see that. How sad. Why do we always bash women when men are to blame? Poor woman hasn’t done anything that OP knows of other than have the audacity to be pretty, happen to be on holiday in the same place as Mr Incredible, and allow herself to be filmed in a group situation. She deserves none of this scorn or speculation that she may well have had sex with him on this “bonk-fest” retreat!!!

OP it's easy:
DH you're making me feel very uncomfortable about the retreat you went on. You're looking longingly at photos/videos of one particularly woman and appear to have suddenly developed an interest in cooking to match hers. I feel like your head has been turned and you are being extremely disrespectful.

While we're sharing anecdotes about yoga retreats - one of my DHs brothers (long time single) went on one a couple of years ago and spent the week sleeping with a married woman who he met there.

Really?! I got to a yoga retreat every year and never seen a man at one. That is news to me

I wouldn't not allow dh to go anywhere I just find a retreat really unusual and something we'd enjoy together. Unless it was a stag do (unlikely) or such.

See in my mind he IS 'acting on it'.

He's sat next to me watching videos of her and cooking stuff to chat about with her online ?

I'd be bursting his bubble with a cooking spatula i'm afraid.

No worries, Ive done that too! Also in an email, which is another story!
Enjoy the tea. I am on 3rd coffee already, so you can see how my day is going..
😃

Yeah sorry I responded to the wrong person 😬! Bit trigger happy on a Saturday morning.. I'll have a cup of tea now 😂😂

I can't get passed going on a retreat without you. Why was that?

You're not being petty and he does sound like he's perving over her. She probably gets loads of male attention.