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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let child get detention

33 replies

FuzzyYellowChicken · 15/10/2024 09:33

Absolutely at the end of my tether today.
DD y8 hates school and is absolutely horrible in the morning (partly due to hating school, partly because she stays up until late messing around so probably only gets 5 hours sleep) She takes such a long time to get ready in a morning it’s actually unbelievable.

Ive tried waking her up earlier, she still takes just as long. She comes sauntering down the stairs at a ridiculously late time and doesn’t seem to be in any rush… it’s driving me MAD.

this morning she said “she can’t help how long it takes”

fuming.

I drove her to school so she wouldn’t be late, which I’m doing more and more lately (when I don’t have an early start at work anyway!!)

I did this because school have sent numerous angry sounding emails to parents that children NEED to be in school on time and parents MUST do their bit to ensure this happens. Its parents responsibility to ensure the child is on time etc etc…..Also If they’re late, even by a minute, they WILL get a detention.

If I didn’t bail her out and drive her in every time she runs late, she would have had about 15 detentions this term!!!

AIBU to just lay off and let her be late, and let her get detention just to teach her the importance of punctuality… and just forget about the angry emails making out that the parent is responsible. I won’t be able to drive her to school forever (going to increase work hours soon).

OP posts:
Happyinarcon · 15/10/2024 10:03

She can’t sleep at night because she’s anxious. This puts her brain on alert and it will only allow her to sleep lightly in case it needs to wake up and respond to danger. If this level of anxiety continues it will lead to adhd medications and mental health issues. She doesn’t feel safe at school, you can either address this or allow her to get punished for being late, fearful and exhausted.

PepaWepa · 15/10/2024 10:01

Do you think there could be a reason for this? My daughter's only year 3 so much younger, but we have similar issues. I queried ADHD a while back (for other reasons), but school ruled it out. We recently had a meeting regarding lateness and I explained how difficult it is just getting her to do what she needs to do to get ready and out the house, and they brought ADHD up themselves this time and offered to put in a referral. Could it be anything like this?

Theunamedcat · 15/10/2024 09:58

Let her take the punishment have a conversation first if she still messes about let her take the punishment if she skives off school tell the school don't tell them she is sick

weareallqueens · 15/10/2024 09:57

I would let her get detention. You've put everything in place to allow her to arrive at school on time. Maybe a consequence from the school will have more impact.

Foxxo · 15/10/2024 09:55

i think you need to address why she hates school so much.

what's going on? how can you improve things for her.

the lateness/length of time getting ready is a symptom of other things. maybe if you can tackle that, it might help her get ready quicker.

BCBird · 15/10/2024 09:52

Why is she not sleeping? Is it possible she has another device? Is there a television in there or any.other form.of distraction? I would let her get.the detention

Original poster
FuzzyYellowChicken · 15/10/2024 09:49

Very true about me serving the detention! The traffic around school is horrendous too which doesn’t help!
All devices are taken out of her room at night and phone given back to her as she leaves the house in a morning so I have NO idea what she gets up to.

OP posts:
Aligirlbear · 15/10/2024 09:41

Actions have consequences- might be the prompt DD needs - don’t bail her out let her get the detention. At the moment you are enabling her to push the boundaries further as she knows you will bail her out by giving her a lift.

Might also be an idea to look at what the messing around is all about - is she on her phone / tablet ? - if so these should be taken off her at an set time by you, the parent, and given back in the morning. Set a rule no screens after xx.xx. If she has a TV in her room and is watching that - remove it

At the moment you are serving the equivalent of a detention every time you drive her to school because it’s ruining your morning routine / timing 🙂