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Original poster

Do you shout at your children?

107 replies

autienotnaughty · 15/10/2024 04:59

I grew up in an abusive home (emotionally abusive) and I got smacked as a child.

When I had my dds in my late teens I had no experience other than what I received . I did shout to tell them off and occasionally smacked their bum. (25 years ago)!im not proud

I trained in child care, worked with Sen children and learned to be a better parent.

Six years ago I had my son who is significantly autistic I never shout (obviously I sometimes get frustrated but I try not to use this in my parenting) i discipline if needed but mostly I try to help him figure things out/manage his environment.

I've had a lot criticism on my parenting from in laws , one adult dd and sometimes dh. Other adult dd (who works in a Sen school) backs me . Professionals I've spoken to such as senco, autism team will make similar suggestions in managing behaviour as do other autistic adults. I am also autistic.

The general consensus from those who disagree seems to be I need to get angry and punish. But I don't see the benefit in doing so.

Do you shout at your kids/get angry?

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 15/10/2024 05:40

Yes, but rarely. Mostly when teen ds has pushed me to breaking point, and it's the only way to get through to him that he needs to STOP, NOW!!!!! Last year, maybe twice. Too often and it loses its shock value.

I think that teens need to know what it is like to be shouted at, because once they get out in the big bad world, sooner or later, someone will shout at them, and dissolving into floods of shocked tears is not going to help them. And they need to recognise it is a natural form of expressing anger and stress in others.

DS and I have a good close bond. I don't think he'd claim I abuse him. He occasionally shouts at me - last year, once, stressing over GCSEs - and that's ok with me. I'd rather he shout and tell me he is stressed than bottle it up.

He is not ND.

RedRobyn2021 · 15/10/2024 05:34

I do sometimes yes, she's 3 and I'm pregnant, things feel hard at the moment, but I do apologise to her.

You're doing the right thing, shouting isn't the way to go. I think you need to ask your in laws to stay out of it.

Daschund · 15/10/2024 05:28

No. It's not my nature. I tend to go quieter when I'm angry. DH occasionally shouts. I can see it makes no difference. Our DC are adults now
My DM would shout at us as children, but my DF never did. We never got smacked and I had seven full siblings I'd say I was probably quite scared of my dad despite this. He was a huge man, who could intimidate anyone with a look. He didn't need to raise his voice to rule with a rod od iron, so although I never shout or smack, I don't necessarily see it as a symbol of gentle parenting.

Readytoevolve · 15/10/2024 05:24

Hugmorecats · 15/10/2024 05:19

No, I will raise my voice and speak firmly but not shouting as such. I try to model the behaviour that I want from them.

this is what I do too.
I grew up in a similar household OP.

User37482 · 15/10/2024 05:19

Very occasionally, talking about maybe twice a year. No I don’t think it’s good parenting, I am trying my best to remain calm, but no I generally don’t raise my voice unless it’s in a playful way. What they are saying is that he should be frightened into behaving.

Hugmorecats · 15/10/2024 05:19

No, I will raise my voice and speak firmly but not shouting as such. I try to model the behaviour that I want from them.

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 15/10/2024 05:12

Yes occasionally when I am at the end of my tether. I try not to generally but sometimes have to if they push me too far. DH only has to raise his voice slightly and they will listen!