To think his behaviour at the zoo was OTT?

I think they BOTH should have planned, as I said I asked if "you" plural had planned.

It's impossible to know if his behaviour was OTT without knowing how long he expressed his disappointment or "pouted" for.
If he expressed his feelings and wasn't happy about it but left and was ok afterwards. I would say it was appropriate given the situation.
If he ranted on and on, made you stay for ages knowing you were in pain and unable to make it back yourself, was unsupportive afterwards and kept harping on about it making you feel bad, it would be another story and OTT.
If he was a neurotypical person, he would be OTT and an arsehole for doing this.

No, you're right - she didn't.
It just seemed such an obvious solution - as she said she could go back by herself - that I assumed he must have not been happy with it.

It can also causes nausea, dizziness, vomiting and fainting
Its a lot of fun

My favourite symptom of all has to be being unable to urinate or pass a bowel movement without the sensation of being stabbed repeatedly through my lower abdomen, whilst I grip the sink and cry out in pain. That's particularly fun during a bad flare up.

I don't think @Rizzo8 has said he said it wasn't acceptable?
Did you have that conversation with him? He could stay and you went back to the hotel?
Was it lights off and silence back in the hotel room? If so, there's not really any option other than to sleep!

Maybe you need to do your research before a day out and see what it entails. I think I would be annoyed if I only ever got to see half a zoo/museum. Nothing to do with being autistic. Also these places are expensive. So I understand your partner's point of view.

Wow. Some people here are painfully ignorant of endometriosis, you’re going to really have your eyes opened if you ever develop it.

Well said. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy at its worst, I've genuinely thought I was going to die with the pain. And that's not an exaggeration.

It can also causes nausea, dizziness, vomiting and fainting
Its a lot of fun

OP, YANBU. I too suffer endometriosis flare ups and they are excruciating, physically unbearable to continue standing and walking through. Another poster said she has to be literally on all fours and concentrating on just breathing through the pain at its worst - I can relate so strongly. Many a time I've had DH almost call an ambulance as he's been horrified by the level of pain it can cause. Not a chance I'd be fit to walk anywhere when it flares up badly, it's quite literally disabling for me. I know some women who use wheelchairs for it when it's bad.

Whenever I've had a bad flare up DH is completely understanding and supportive and would take me straight home (or to a hotel or wherever we needed to be). He wouldn't think twice.

I'm sorry you had this experience. Hope you're feeling better soon, endo is the absolute pits 😢

Do bad flare ups happen out of nowhere or are you likely to get a worse flare up if you've been pushing yourself? I have a condition (not endo) that I can guarantee will flare up with the combined stress of going abroad/pushing myself too hard one day. I won't feel it at the time but by day 2 or 3 of this my joints will be hurting and I'll be suffering with inflammation. I've learned that I have to pace myself and if I've had a day walking round the city the next day probably needs to be more chilled out

That is the most vile and unnecessary comment I’ve read in a very long time. Just why on earth did you feel the need? There are such things as inside thoughts you know. How unutterably rude, ableist and inappropriate.

The difference is it is never blamed on them being NT. It is rightly blamed on them being scumbags. Autistic people can be arseholes just like anyone else (I'm not, TBC, convinced that the partner was being an arsehole in this case. He might have been, he might not have been, we don't have enough information to know). Some people on this thread have said they are NT and wouldn't have wanted to leave the zoo. So why does the partner's autism matter? Is it so the OP can get more sympathy because she is such a martyr for putting up with a defective partner? Is it to bring out the lovely likes of @hattie43 to tell those of us who are autistic that we are unworthy of love? (BTW Hattie, a lot of personality is inherited, so your unkindness genes will have been passed on if you had kids...). And threads like this ALWAYS bring out that kind of nonsense.

It's not calling her a liar the poster was simply saying it was convenient the OP got ill just as soon as she didn't get her own way. Coincidences do happen.

Yes and you only suggested that she should have planned better, why is that?
He was grumpy with her because of a condition she can’t help too. I don’t get why only the autism should be considered and not both conditions, or why all forward planning is her job.

I have endo, I also have a brother with ‘severe’ autism, I’m sympathetic to both, I don’t know why some people can only acknowledge one of these conditions.

@Rizzo8

It really had me thinking twice about things.

He might be thinking twice about things too.
It's possible that a relationship between two people, one of whom has an illness that makes unpredictability a problem and one of whom has an illness that has unpredictable flare-ups, isn't going to work.

He was nice and comforting eventually, but not before pouting about having to leave. I couldn't believe how childish this was.

So, he was disappointed by having to leave (describing it as "pouting" is a bit unfair, imo) but, when he realised you felt ill, he was nice and comforting?
That's positive, surely?

I could have gone back on my own.

This sounds very reasonable of you.
Why was that not acceptable to him?

Because the specific issues came up because of the fact the zoo took a lot longer to go around? Because OP is grumpy at DH for acting exactly as his condition would make him react due to the lack of planning? Because OP's condition is somewhat unpredictable whereas DH's is more predictable and could be planned around? Because OP already had different expectations than DH and it's relevant if she communicated those?

The first "did you" was aimed at both of them, hence "us", the second was at OP as she had the expectations of going elsewhere.

OP has a condition that means she can be in sudden excruciating pain, why do you fail to acknowledge that? Why does he hold no responsibility for planning?

I get what you are saying but I think there has been a lot of good info to counter the ableist posts. I am still somewhat newly late-diagnosed (yeah that’s confusing) and it has been helpful for me to read.

And to counter the ‘autistic people are bad in relationships’ posts, what’s the excuse of all of those scumbags we read about on here who are NT? 🤔

@crackofdoom

Absolutely. People have relationships with those they feel comfortable with . There are lots of people others would avoid , animal abusers , reform supporters , bank robbers can be anything you're not compatible or comfortable with .

But is your carer in paid employment?
That would be a bizarre, controlling relationship to have a 'Universal MrTill8 rule' where everything had to be moulded to them and they said what and when and it HAD to be followed.

Your DH has a condition which means he struggles when plans change and when things aren't completed...

Sounds like you didn't do the research first: how big is the zoo? How long will it take us to go round?

Did you vocalise your plan that it wouldn't be a whole day trip?

I would never have a relationship with a neurotypical person, I find them unpredictable, shallow and untrustworthy. Horses for courses eh 🤷‍♀️

Well my husband of nearly 40 years is not, as far as anyone knows, autistic, but he absolutely has to scrutinise every information board, display etc. to within an inch of its life. I just go for a coffee. If I was feeling unwell I would probably make my own way back to the accommodation. If I was ‘ill ill’ he’d accompany me as I would him. Unless you were physically incapable of walking unaided, you could have gone back to your digs.

No, there’s no justification for calling OP a liar based on nothing at all. Womens pain gets dismissed enough already thanks.

Some days I have the energy to educate. Today is not one of those days. Thank you for being the person who does, today.