To think his behaviour at the zoo was OTT?

I find with DS that if there's a risk of plan A being unpredictable, having plans B and C can help him adjust more easily.
Warning/ countdown times can help with transitions too.

I haven't had endo, but I did have unpredictable, debilitating period pain in my youth. Curl up on whatever scuzzy floor I happened to be on and wait for someone to find me because I couldn't move pain. Not pop a paracetamol and head off home on my own league.
I can see how there is a clash of autitstic rigidity of planning and medical need here.

Is it possible to have a background contingency plan where if an episode occurs, you give him as much warning as you can, there's maybe an intermediate stage such as resting at an avaliable place like a bench/ cafe for a fixed "adjustment time" such as 10 mins and that gives him some chance to adapt to the change of plan if you have to abort mission?

It is easier having these discussions away from the moment.

He's not going to find the unpredictability of endo attacks easy, but ultimately he did catch up and adjust in the end.

We've had issues with DS1's autism and DS2's asthma attacks. On a bad day we've been close to calling 999 while DS1 is chuntering on about DS2 faking it and ruining his day. It does not help an already difficult situation when autistic rigidity clashes with serious medical unpredictability.

I don’t buy it. Your OP said clearly he wanted to stay and it was important to him. But as this desire “can’t trump me feeling ill” in the end he “relented”.

As posters have criticised you for spoiling his fun you‘re now claiming he insisted on leaving with you.

Clearly not at the start. If he did eventually it was only because you went on about being ill until he “relented”.

Can you both accept and see that you each have this likely guilt/need?

Yes, I'm the same (although it's tendinitis so the link to more-than-normal walking or climbing stairs is not a hard one to make).
Even on three day visits, I know I would be pushing it mightily to expect 2 demanding days in a row just to work, now.

I don’t understand why OP couldn’t go back on her own. If you have a chronic illness you need to handle it yourself and not drag other people along.

This is an excellent post

If you read the post, he initially told her no because they spent money and only relented after while.
The initial no, when she stresses she in pain is the issue here. When you have this illness it’s unpredictable and you already feel horrible enough as it is, you don’t need extra guilt

PS
@Rizzo8
Why didn't you just go back to the hotel by yourself, as you said you could?
Didn't he want you to do that for some reason?

In his defense zoos are fucking awesome, I'd be gutted if I only only got to see half, especially if I was leaving the best for last.

@Rizzo8

I see. I guess you could be better prepared (although, obviously preparing for these situations shouldn't just be down to you); I think it would be difficult for him to mask forever.
Now you both understand the extent of each other's difficulties more fully, you probably need to discuss how viable your relationship is.
Whatever happens, I sincerely hope your operation helps 💐

This, why are so many posters writing as if she was writhing in pain on the ground in front of him and he ignored her?
She got what she wanted/needed as they both left. I think anyone would be slightly annoyed a day out had been curtailed.

His disability doesn’t trump her chronic illness.

Neither does her condition trump his.

She wanted to leave though, and they both left. So what's the issue? It's ok to be annoyed about having to leave. I hate having to leave places bc of my disability so o can only imagine others would also feel that way.

Ultimately though, he supported her.

As someone who has endo also, these replies are really insulting.
His disability doesn’t trump her chronic illness.
Op you need to have serious chat with him about ways to deal with your flare ups. Or you need to bin him unfortunately.
You know how serious they can get, what happens if you are out and you need to go to A&E? Is he going to leave you passed out screaming on the path or in the ambulance alone because he hasn’t seen everything in the store?

Before anyone comes at me I have been hospitalised multiple times for this illness, you will never understand the pain unless you have it.

I was thinking that it could be the monkey zoo in Dorset, which has at least one very bad hill, especially if you are in a wheelchair, or there is another very hilly zoo in Exmoor in North Devon.

RareLemur

It's impossible to know if his behaviour was OTT without knowing how long he expressed his disappointment or "pouted" for.

That tends to be the trouble with AIBU threads - you only get one person's point of view.

On another point, I'm supposing the relationship is fairly long term if they've gone on holiday together but I wonder, if when they first got together, they were aware of each other's diagnoses.
It sounds harsh, but I'd be wary about starting on a relationship with someone whose diagnosis meant that some unpredictability was inescapable if my own diagnosis meant that having things set out predictably was important to me and vice versa.
Perhaps thinking again, as the OP suggests, would be better for them both.

It’s fine to think to yourself a relationship with someone autistic is not for me. No one’s saying ASD can’t be challenging. But really no need and not at all relevant to this thread to come on and show your disgust at the prospect of a child or partner with ASD to people who are posting who are autistic or have children with autism. There are times when it’s ok to not say what you’re thinking and this is one of them!

As others have said, he is autistic and this behaviour of manifestation of his expression of autism. This behaviour can feel painful to partners as it is a reminder that you and your feelings are not as visible to the ND partner as you might want them to be.

If this behaviour is problematic to you then you have a choice to end the relationship as his behaviour will not change.

Word of caution, expect these expressions of his autistic nature to become much more manifest if you have children, where needing attunement ( to you and the children) and flexibility and anticipating each other's needs and co-operative behaviour and multi-tasking become much more important.

I have a disability that makes it difficult for me to walk around for long periods.

In this type of situation, I usually just go back to hotel and leave companion (s) to carry on with what they are doing.

People are acting as if the OP became ill after 20 mins at the zoo. They had already been there for 4 hours. Any grown man pouting and behaving like a baby because he has to stop doing any activity he’s been doing for 4 hours because his GF is unwell is not a considerate partner.

I’d be putting this one back OP and he can find someone else to stare at a load of meerkats with for as long as he likes.

I'd also be a bit pissed off if I'd gone for a day out and had to leave halfway through before I'd seen everything I wanted to see/had paid for. Appreciate that you can't help feeling ill, but I'd still be irritated and disappointed.

in the end he relented. He was nice and comforting eventually

That's OK, then, surely?