To think his behaviour at the zoo was OTT?

I guess it depends how bad her flares are at the minute
I'm currently on morphine for mine so ibuprofen and gentle walking isn't an option
Heat helps sometimes but I need it burning hot

@Ramblomatic

whats awesome about caged up animals living in captivity who should be out living in the wild in their natural habitat as nature intended?

Then you should know that her illness doesn’t have a cure either, and none of those drugs or surgery do anything to lessen the symptoms for most people who suffer endo.

Hence why I stated she needed to chat with him about strategies to deal with her flare ups.
You aren’t him, you don’t know that he may be so insistent next time and decide he must stay while she can’t walk again.

so it's his issue then. you were ill, you would go back to hotel by yourself.
he could have stayed and carried on, the fact he didn't want to is on him.
he didn't 'have' to leave, he chose to leave, so he is being completely pathetic to pout about his own decision!

I don't have any sort of chronic condition and would have been completely zoo-ed out well before 4 hours (let alone the previous activity) so you've got nothing to apologise for!

As someone who has stage 4 endo and ASD, I find your reply very insulting.

His disability doesn't have a cure, he can't have an operation to remove any of it to lessen the symptoms. He can't take ibuprofen, use a heat pad, increase his magnesium, zinc, vit d and omega 3 intake to help reduce symptoms either.

Your comment about leaving her passed out and screaming in pain is hugely offensive, he's autistic not a sadist.

Tbh OP it sounds like he handled it quite well, bearing in mind he's autistic?

He wanted to stay but then overcame that and came home with you when you wanted to leave.

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGGG

I’m not sure if you want strangers on the internet to slander him because that’s what it seems like

Certainly the ill-advised, imo, use of "pouting" has caused another poster to extrapolate that he was "pouting and acting like a baby".
I've looked at the OP's posting history, (what can I tell you? I'm stuck in bed at the moment, bored and Advanced Search exists...) there are a lot of things about her boyfriend that annoy her.
Maybe he's just not The One.
Maybe she's a bit more high maintenance than she realises.
Maybe a bit of both.

@GhostCicada

It's not an excellent post. It's ridiculous.

Ok... that's your opinion and I am equally entitled to mine, which is that it was an excellent post. That's sort of how opinions work, they're individual 🤷‍♀️

It's like when people become a couple they lose part of their rational mind.

If you were with friends, the one who felt ill or had had enough would leave go home or go to the hotel, and the rest would carry on if they wanted to.

When you are in a couple its find to go your separate ways for whatever reason,you aren't joined at the hip. If he's that interested, he'd be happy to go round by himself.

Exactly. There seem to be a lot of people in relationships with those that have disabilities yet somehow don’t seem to understand how the disability impacts their partner.

OP, surely you’d know that maybe your partner doesn’t react well to sudden change? I’m not sure if you want strangers on the internet to slander him because that’s what it seems like

Excellent post @Detchi and it's oft advice that you seen on here!

I don’t think autism has much to do with this. Ok it makes it trickier to change plans. But a NT man would be disappointed at having to leave a day out and a NT man may have less rather than more sympathy with any kind of illness or disability.

OMG are you me?!! That's such a brilliant description of how it is for someone on the spectrum it should be taught in school :)

(I also struggled to understand why people just can't keep going and going and going and put off the need to sit/eat/go to the loo, I mean, what's wrong with you, oh, hold on, it's not you it's meeeeeee 😂)

I wonder if this comes down to how he was brought up as much as autism.

As a HF autistic person it is possible that his childhood consisted quite a lot of being expected to tolerate things he was struggling with, and not being "allowed" to just quit. Maybe he had a lot of experiences of being expected to just keep going so he unconsciously expects this of other people now.

My autistic teen would struggle with a change of plan but would still very much say "of course we have to go if you're ill". But that is how he's been treated (within reason, when we can) through his life. This might be an angle to explore with your partner, rather than just looking at what happened on the day. Of course there are layers with the autism around difficulty changing plans, monotropism etc but maybe you can both reflect more empathetically if you look further back.

It's not an excellent post. It's ridiculous. There is nothing at all about the Ops posts that would make anyone believe that he would leave her passed out screaming on the path or in the ambulance alone because he hasn’t seen everything in the store. He left with the OP brought her back to the hotel where she slept. He wasn't thrilled about it but he did it.

My autistic dh actually saved my life by insisting I went to the hospital when I had sepsis when I just wanted to be left alone to sleep, I literally wouldn't be here if he didn't recognise that I was really ill. The idea that people would slag him off and assume that he stand around and watch me scream in pain because he sometimes struggles with plans changing or transitions is really insulting tbh. The ops boyfriend did the right thing, he just struggled a bit getting there, needing more time to process a situation really isn't the crime some are making it out to be.

Excellent post. It's utterly debilitating pain and it's hard to understand unless you've experienced it, it quite literally takes my breath away at its worst: I can't think, I can't communicate, I just have to breathe through the sheer agony across my entire abdomen. It's hell.

I think a relationship where both parties resent each other's disabilities is not a good relationship.

It's offensive to describe autistic people as behaving like babies. Do you use this kind of insulting terminology about other disabilities or conditions? If not, why not?

@Rizzo8 I thought we'd spend some time there then have the rest of the day together to do something else
Did you communicate this expectation clearly beforehand? Did you say "I'm only up for about 3 hours of zoo and we'lldo something else in the afternoon" or did you expect your DH to intuit this.

We're a neurodiverse family and our default assumption would be that we all wanted to see all of the animals. We wouldn't dream of planning to only spend a short time somewhere like that. But sometimes we've had to cut a day out like this short if one of the family is feeling unwell or can't cope/gets overwhelmed. We deal with that if it happens. None of us can control our health and well-being perfectly.

It sounds to me like there were two parallel things going on - you didn't want to spend so long there anyway and weren't appreciating something that he was loving, even before you started feeling ill - and that was down to poor communication and poor planning. If zoos aren't your thing perhaps it would have been better to plan to spend that day apart. Separately you then had a health issue that turned you from wanting to leave to needing to leave, and probably that was communicated poorly too but once your DH understood that you actually needed to leave that's what happened - but obviously as you'd already been negative before you started feeling ill it would have taken a while to realise. You then are pissed off with DH for communicating that he was disappointed at not being able to enjoy the thing he was expecting and had paid for - you wanted him to pretend he didn't care? That's unreasonable.

That's quite positive then. He wouldn't have enjoyed things as much without you so obviously values your company, and it sounds he would have felt bad about you returning alone, especially as you felt you were about to drop and were having difficulty moving.
I'd certainly be worried about letting someone go off by themselves if they told me they felt that.
Ultimately, he stepped up and did the right thing and was nice and comforting once he understood.
He obviously didn't understand the unpredictable nature of endo before and you didn't realise leaving before seeing everything would be an issue for him.
These things happen; I suppose it depends now on whether you both want the relationship to continue.
Hope it works well in the end for you both.

I think @JMSA meant she didn't know what endometriosis is.

I don't have ASD and I'd be disappointed to leave a zoo after four hours..

We have membership to one and still not sure we've managed much less. I see it as a whole day activity as did he and I don't think there's much wrong in trying to achieve that.

He did come home with you. It can't be helped but neither can disappointment.

You are just going to need to be very clear when you can't manage anymore.

I don't think anyone is massively in the wrong and it's just one of those things where you have to pick yourselves up and accept things can't always go to plan.

And that’s fine so you go home and frame it in a way that gives him permission to enjoy the rest of his outing without feeling bad for you.

If he’s insisting he comes with you it’s because he feels he ought, you need to make it ok for him to continue.