To think his behaviour at the zoo was OTT?

@DoreenonTill8 yeah, I don't really know do I. From what she said in OP he sounded bang out of order. And tedious.

Totally hear you. It's such a weird thing, this NT insistence on being vague and then expecting you to "just know" (and the hitting the bloody roof when you don't). How hard is it to be open and honest?

The OP did say in later posts she's been downplaying her symptoms, and so it sounds like that came into play. I understand that being open about how you feel can be hard at times - as here, struggling to come to terms with a horrible, debilitating illness - but it is important in any relationship, not just with someone who is ND.

Getting cross at someone because you haven't communicated your needs properly - I struggle to understand why that's the automatic fault of the other person. NTs are so weird 😂

@BobbyBiscuits if a grown adults wants to stare at caged animals for so many hours their partner starts suffering from health issue symptoms, and then start pouting
Kind of implys the bf was the only one who wanted to do so, and yes the use of 'pouting' comes from the OP, but didn't she come back and say it was inaccurate and dramatic?

@DoreenonTill8 I didn't say anyone was dragged anywhere? I'm not sure who's 'vitriol' you refer to.

I think people should not let their opinions on zoos affect their opinion ( but they clearly are )

Yup, so depressing. Particularly as she doesn't seem to know the difference between neurodiversity and mental health conditions 😬

@BobbyBiscuits was op dragged there against her will?
That post is quite full of vitriol isn't it?

@Borntorunfast - I think I read it the same as you, it made sense to me because he's autistic. It also made sense to me why his partner needed to stop the day out too, of course. If you are unwell and in pain, that's that.

One thing I've noticed NT folks struggle with is we need much more context and information than non-autistic people to understand why a change or different course of action is necessary. Simply saying "I feel ill" or "I have an endo flare up" is too vague for me, if I don't know that condition. What does "ill" mean exactly, like what specifically are you experiencing? Pain, discomfort, fatigue? Do you feel sick? Do you need water/toilet/food? Medication or medical attention? What do you need me to do to help? I am actually very good in a crisis if I know what I'm dealing with, or if it's very acute, like someone collapses or something. But someone saying something non specific like "I don't feel well", I'm not sure what to do with that, and it creates anxiety because I just KNOW if they're NT they are silently expecting things of me and I don't know what's the right thing to do or say. I tend to ask questions to try to understand/empathise better with what they are actually going through, and a bit like some people on this thread, they can get mad that I don't already "just know" or they think I don't believe them or something.

The worst of the worst is when someone does this and they are waiting for me to make the decision for them. Like, they want me to suggest cutting the day out short so they don't have to be the one to broach it and feel bad about it. I'm literally not in your body, you need to do what's right for you and your health, don't put that on me.

In summary, unspoken rules/expectations are an absolute autistic nightmare.

Ooof, bit of a rant that! Sorry!

@Ansjovis Thanks for your reply, sorry I just saw. I get that people with ASD struggle with stuff but if a grown adults wants to stare at caged animals for so many hours their partner starts suffering from health issue symptoms, and then start pouting, is that the boyfriend OP wants or needs?

@Borntorunfast So why the hate towards us??

It’s part of the ‘culture wars’ now 🙄 Hence Kemi Badenoch using it to score points.

Well. you're clearly very good at your job👏

I was diagnosed this year so a lot is new to me, but reading things like your post help me understand myself. Hyperfocus and/or that ability to ignore physical issues (like being tired, hungry) can be brilliant. I mean, I get shit done!!

But like you say, sometimes it's not actually that healthy, and not understanding that not everyone can do what I do - meaning I get impatient or am unsympathetic unless someone really spells it out to me - are the downsides.

(For me that seems to be what was going on with the OP's partner; I didn't read his response as childish or any of the things the haters are saying. I read it as someone like me: genuinely surprised that 4 hours in and possibly another 2 to go we might have a problem!!)

It's sad to see so many people being so unkind about autism on this thread. Imagine if us autistic people adopted a similar stance towards neurotypicals - I mean, a lot of NT behaviour makes zero sense to me but I don't write NTs off in the same angry sort of way.

Autism isn't a disability for me. It's just a different way of processing information. I do some of that processing incredibly well, much better than NTs, and sometimes NTs do it better than me. The joy of life is that there's space in this world for both. So why the hate towards us??

Well said @KnightleyAndCocktails

@LuckySantangelo35 @dreamer24

Water and a banana for endo 🤦🏼‍♀️
Fucking hell, wish I'd just tried that, silly me, could have saved me needing surgery and being on opiate based painkillers whilst writhing on the floor in agony 🙄
I know
the ignorance is astounding

It's hardly 'astounding' is it? If it's not a condition you have or know someone who has it, why would you know anything about it in any detail? How much do you know in any detail about other medical matters that you may not have experienced like what the issues are around having a stoma or a catheter or fibromyalgia or Complex regional pain syndrome?

It wasn't me who suggested water and a banana as I know enough to know I don't know much about it but I had no idea what "an Endo flare" was in the first post as I've never heard that term and didn't associate that wording with endometriosis.

I've heard of endometriosis and am aware at a base general knowledge level it is where womb lining cells start to grow outside the womb. I am aware it can be painful and that women who have it have trouble conceiving but that is the sum total of my knowledge.

There isn't any need to be rude and attack people for 'astounding ignorance' when actually ignorance of any medical condition you have no experience of is the opposite of astounding, it's fairly commonplace.

If you can be bothered to cure our ignorance of the important points about this condition that you think people should know from the perspective of someone who has it, I'm interested and listening as I expect are others.

But astounding ignorance? Not really astounding at all.

How interesting. Yes, he may just not be the one for the OP

The rigidity goes with the territory, OP, sorry. It might sound ridiculous to anyone neurotypical, but it's not to someone with autism.

He should have been more aware of your needs, but I understand that sometimes autistic people can have a bit of a blockage when it comes to awareness of others. Maybe have a chat with him and explain why you feel let down. If he is still unreasonable, then you need to decide whether being with him is worth it.

I'm a clinical learning and development manager (formerly a psychologist). A large part of my job is educating healthcare practitioners about autism and other neurodivergences (ADHD, dyslexia, etc) from the lived experience perspective. So I'm really glad to know it resonated and made sense! Thank you!

Sometimes it's really helpful being able to keep going - but other times it's just not, like when there's nothing in between "yeah I sort of need the loo a bit but not for ages yet" and "eeek I'm about to wet myself"!

😂

See also the guilt autistic people often carry when our reactions and needs aren't what other people think are proportionate or normal. So perhaps you have something in common there.

It kinda sounds like what you want in a partner is whenever you have a flare up, no matter the situation or the impact on them, they must immediately go into caretaking mode and express no feelings about any impact on them at all, because if they do it makes you feel guilty. Which is not realistic even when you have a neurotypical partner tbh. Each of you in a relationship has to be able to tolerate the other not being ok sometimes, whether that's physical or emotional. You can't demand that a partner expresses no negative feelings about your illness sometimes cutting short your shared activities and enjoyment because it makes you feel bad. At the same time, he shouldn't pressure you to continue doing something when you are ill and in pain because he can't possibly tolerate his own negative feelings about changing plans because his partner is unwell.

FWIW, DH and I have had some barneys in our time over pregnancy or illness cutting things short, as he was raised to "tough it out". I think men find women's physical health issues incredibly hard to comprehend at times as they are often invisible, I think DH thought pregnancy was akin to just carrying a bit of extra weight! Being a bloke is no an excuse, but I have had to explain in no uncertain (and sometimes graphic!) terms why carrying on regardless wasn't an option in those situations. Autistic people also often need more context and "why" so it may help your partner to understand more about your condition if he has more information.

I know @dreamer24

the ignorance is astounding

Good. I'm glad this thread has been helpful to you and you can see a way to make communication and understanding between both of you better in the future.

I've learned a lot about endometritis from the thread too.
It is interesting that you (in your OP) have made the assumption that everyone immediately knows the impact of the condition, on you.

I apologise for this I missed the part in the OP where it was mentioned that the DP is autistic. My comment therefore was completely unrelated to the fact this guy is autistic and completely to do with his behaviour. However I apologise none the less for not spotting in the OP that that was the reason.

I sometimes wonder if I have endo. I can be doubled over for no reason.
I find this thread very interesting. My DH isn't sure if he's on the spectrum. We sometimes have meltdowns and behaviour that looks like that of a five year old if he doesn't get to do things his way. My teen made him some chips and instead of eating it and saying thank you. He hid under the duvet and moaned loudly that she put cheese on them. Who puts cheese on chips? Even she said what's wrong with you dad, you look like a toddler. He doesn't do too well with change either. I can see why you would be frustrated with him OP. I get frustrated with DH a lot.

Water and a banana for endo 🤦🏼‍♀️

Fucking hell, wish I'd just tried that, silly me, could have saved me needing surgery and being on opiate based painkillers whilst writhing on the floor in agony 🙄

I'm someone who needs to see everything and I want to get the most out of every experience. I would also be sympathetic to someone with endo though.

@ImNoSuperman

i don’t think you know much about endo…water and a banana are gonna help fuck all with a flare up