To think his behaviour at the zoo was OTT?

@CassandraWebb
Totally agree. This is what women with endo experience all the time - their pain being diminished as "just period pain". It's nothing fucking like it. I could walk and talk through my period pain, yes it hurt, but I could function. Endo pain at its worst literally takes my breath away and I cannot stand, never mind walk. It's a very distinct pain, not "just period pain".

Another key difference for me is the inability to pass urine or a bowel movement without feeling like a knife is stabbing repeatedly through my entire bladder / bowels, causing me to cry out in pain and almost vomit, to the point I avoid using the toilet on my period and feel panicky when I need to. If that's regular period pain, I'm eat my hat.

Labour - again - hugely painful. But it came in waves and I could take medication to breathe through the pains. There was respite in between. there was also an end loin in sight, and a very clear purpose to my pains (ie, meeting my baby). Again, none of those things are true of endo.

I suppose this thread has highlighted that knowledge and understanding of the condition is still woefully poor. No wonder sufferers continue to be dismissed.

What an ignorant and minimising way to refer to endometriosis. I don't have it but my friend does and it has been hugely disabling for her

It's gynae pain. We've all experienced it either through similar conditions, or bad periods or labour.

I haven't watched the video so can't comment on that. But this is diminishing of true endo pain. I've experienced a typical "bad period", labour, and severe endometriosis pain. They are not similar. The worst by far for me is the endo pain. And it a very different type and intensity of pain.

I'm not clicking the link but what is there to "see"? It's gynae pain. We've all experienced it either through similar conditions, or bad periods or labour.

I don't think that video will make people think that "Oh! That endo flare-up is terrible".
I'm afraid it might make people think "That's piss-poor acting" and "That poor dog is terrified by being clutched and slobbered over by someone who thinks going 'Ow! Ow!' shows genuine pain but is still able to set up a camera at the top of the stairs to film herself climbing back up the stairs".

This is a non issue. Sorry OP, not everyone knows how bad endo flare up feels, so you’re not going to get unwavering empathy to the level you need right away. It’s not something externally obvious like your leg just fell off. ND or no ND, a person is allowed to feel annoyed that expensive plans have to suddenly change for something they don’t fully understand. You partner is not a robot, he did get annoyed, but saw your side of things, even if he didn’t fully understand, and then you got your way. Why are you even posting about this non issue?

(It cute that he fell asleep with you, btw, he could have been an ass and go off in a huff).

What makes you think she wasn't ?

If it was her looking around a museum and he said he wanted only intended to visit for a short time and half way round he got a headache then MN would have been full of LTB.

It is a forum, all or none of this could be true or somewhere in-between.

But it isn't unheard of for people to say they are ill to get what they want.

If I were you, I would pay for another trip there. If you know you get flare ups, you should have told him previously, and go to the cafe yourself and get rest while he explores.

For anyone that hasn't seen an endo flare, this is a pretty typical one that I have (not me in the video)

www.instagram.com/reel/C9kn1ogsCqt/?igsh=MWttbXV4NmgzcGhjeg==

@Sometimesright yeah, I would've been getting a taxi. But then that probably would've caused him upset as well.
They need to be well suited and it doesn't sound like they are. Even if you remove his ND.

what makes you think she's faking it here?

Yeah I get what you are saying it’s not ideal but, it’s difficult for both of them. She would have been better leaving him to it and getting a taxi

@Sometimesright yeah, I get autism can be challenging. But it's a zoo. He's a grown man. It's too much for her to deal with that level of childishness.

She said he is autistic. They often obsess. If that’s how he is then he can’t help that. It’s not great feeling ill and having someone like that to deal with though.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all.
I am autistic. I can be very obsessive about my special interests. I also have chronic pain issues, and while it's bitterly disappointing when a day out doesn't go as planned because my back and hip seized up too badly, I just have to deal with that.
I'm my husbands carer, as he has schizophrenia, of which the main frequent symptom is anxiety. sometimes he gets panicky and we have to drop plans even half way through.
that's life. you can do your best, make plans ahead (if we have a big day out planned, I take Codeine when we head out, to try and stop the pain making me seize up from trying to counterbalance my discomfort) some days we go out, and everything is great, and others, one or other of our issues will make it so that we can;t finish our planned day, and we both accept that. there's no point fighting on if you can't enjoy it.
and yes, sometimes that does mean you don't get your moneys worth. but that's life.

you did your best. you struggling on in pain wouldn't have been fun for you OR him. he should have been more understanding, even if he WAS disappointed. disappointment is normal, but sometimes it happens, and you have to accept it.

Work with what you've got, not what you think you should have.

He doesn't adapt well to sudden changes in plans that affect his pre-set idea of the day. So add contingencies and breakpoints to the plans.

'We'll go to this place. If I feel well, we will go to... and we'll check in with each other. If I start feeling ill, what we will do is I will tell you and we will/I will/you will... and if you feel uncomfortable/it's too noisy/there are hundreds of school children/etc, you will tell me and we will...

That way, it's in the plan from the outset and it won't be a surprise/distraction/stressor to him. And it could help him understand and be more aware of the changing nature of medical conditions.

The OP also has a disability. It’s clearly a difficult situation to navigate.

This is the second time you’ve accused the OP of feeling ‘conveniently ill’, when she has made it abundantly clear that when she wasn’t having a flare up the previous day, she had managed to walk for miles, and also made it very clear that the reason she was finding the zoo too much was because she was having a flare up. Her disability was not used as an excuse to simply get out of walking.

Perhaps educate yourself on Endometriosis flare ups. It is known as being one of the most painful health conditions, and the effect it has on many women is life changing. As someone who has both endo and adenomyosis and is prone to unpredictable, extreme pain and bleeding, and has wound up on a resuscitation unit three times in the past two years after haemorrhaging so much blood, three blood transfusions were required on each occasion, I cannot stress enough just how horrible this illness is, and would implore you to demonstrate a little bit more compassion.

With you mentioning hills, is it Belfast zoo? That place is hell to navigate for a healthy fit person let alone having an endo flare up! Congratulations on lasting 4 hours!! How are you feeling today @Rizzo8 ? Have you had chance to discuss the issues and resolved it?

Hi op,

yeah…when you feel bad, you don’t want your oartner to pout at leaving :( but then…it does happen to eveeyone to be very excited about something and not so very happy about not being able to??

The comment on the cost was…erm…

But other than that, if he was comforting after…why are you still thinking about it? By that I mean that in every relationship, there is a time where the man will disappoint (same as woman) so…the real question is…is that a deal breaker? You are the only one to know…

Good luck 🌺

I have stage 4 endometriosis. Take your attitude somewhere else.

A range of things can help. You aren't her or anyone's doctor.

It was more along the lines of his expectations were they would see everything together, so her leaving would not have fixed the issue for him.

The older I get, the more I realize I might be autistic myself. I do have a lot of traits, it seems.

I've been in a similar situation to OP's (not endo, but pain), left my then partner to enjoy what were were doing, Ubered to a hotel, took painkillers, went to sleep. I'm an adult, capable person. I promise, I'm not being snarky deliberately, but I honestly don't see why would I need another person with me in a situation like this. To hold my hand or something? I took pills and went to bed, what would my partner do, sit at my bedside? Might as well finish what we were doing.

I've been in reversed situations too, when he was ill. Same solution, everyone's happy.

Now it's different if broken limbs/hospital visits and suchlike are involved, but if all you'll do is take some pills and stay in bed, then I'd definitely would leave the zoo in OP's partner's shoes and certainly wouldn't view myself being somehow wrong. You need to go? Go. I'll finish the activity and come back.