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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s really hard to keep a child with a large appetite an appropriate weight

180 replies

Thedownstream · 14/10/2024 22:11

I have 3 DCs. DC1 and DC2 have always had massive appetites, ate every single thing I put in front of them from the moment I weaned them, never refused anything at nursery, never lost their appetites even when sick. DC1 didn’t eat anything remotely unhealthy until she was three, but by that time was quite a chunk (99th centile BMI). DC2 we did baby led weaning with due to the health advice that babies will not overeat if they feed themselves (which we found not to be true in her case). Both DC1 and 2 started school overweight, but DC1 has turned out to have quite a talent for sport which she plays twice per day everyday and now aged 9 is a beanpole.

DC2 aged 5 however could not be more different, she’s naturally very inactive and struggles with sport (although reluctantly attends some sports clubs for exercise). She is always hungry and will eat until she is sick if allowed. She would easily eat a adult sized burger and chips at a restaurant if allowed. I think our diet is relatively healthy but she’s evidently eating too much either at home, school or both.

I think she would be fine weight wise however if there wasn’t so much crap food offered / available to her everywhere we go. I’ll give some examples:

  • birthday parties - I’m the mum hovering over DC2 as the kind birthday mum and family try to encourage her to take 10 sandwiches, 5 slices of pizza, 50 chocolate fingers and 2 cupcakes at 3 in the afternoon, when half of the other kids are too busy playing to notice the food available.
  • The kind parents on the sidelines at DC1’s sports sharing their kids’ sweets and biscuits with her.
  • The mum who brings her child over for a play date and brings doughnuts for the kids.
  • The portion size and options on kids menus at pubs which always come with an included dessert (we avoid going out for lunch as a result).
  • The grandparents who do not listen when we say we’re trying to keep things healthy and please not to bake cakes for the kids.
  • The stickers given out at school to children who finish their food. DC2 is a people pleaser who loves a sticker.

I don’t know how to navigate all this without other parents thinking I’m obsessive, or without giving DC2 food issues, but equally she can’t keep eating all this food offered to her.

In DC1’s school year so many of the children who had some puppy fat in reception are now obese (and many who were stick thin in reception are too). I don’t want that for DC2.

DC3 has a much less healthy diet than DC2 as unlike his sisters he is an incredibly fussy eater who lives off about 20 foods and usually refuses lunch entirely at nursery. He also seems to know when to stop eating even if it is a food he loves. He’s really slim (trousers always falling down) and will be one of those children who can eat all the doughnuts in the world and not put on weight (probably because he then won’t eat anything else for the rest of the day).

So AIBU to think DC2 is destined for a life of being overweight or with a complex about food given her appetite and all the unhealthy food thrown at her (by others) on a regular basis?

OP posts:
Depressedbarbie · 14/10/2024 22:36

I totally get this. I have a 2.5 year old, and she is obsessed with eating. I suspect a lot of the negative comments come from parents with children who are not like that. She will literally hang around any table with food on and just want more and more and more. Doesn't matter what it is. She's so.differentntonmy friends' children l, who all seem to have inbuilt portion control. She just doesn't seem to. Just seems to like food! Im not sure what the answer is

BlackOrangeFrog · 14/10/2024 22:34

Thedownstream · 14/10/2024 22:28

The thing is it’s not infrequent, and even if it were it all adds up to put on weight gradually which is then hard to lose.

We only ever have fruit for pudding at home, nothing else. We don’t have biscuits. We do have crisps but not more than twice per week and she has a small amount of sweets at the weekend at home.

It must be portion size but my very slim DC3 eats the same and he’s 3 years younger.

Show quote history

So tell us a typical day on a Saturday.

Want is she eating when you are in total control.

You say a bowl of bran flakes...but how much is she having? 25g? 60g?

When she has crisps does she eat a bag of Doritos in her own, it is she having half a pack of pombears?

A small amount of sweets? Is she having one of those little 10p bags of haribo with about 8-10.small sweets on a Saturday afternoon and that's it.

Or is she actually having 6 fruit pastilles in Saturday morning, a few strawberry laces in the afternoon, and some jelly beans after dinner, and the having a smoothie on Sunday morning, a animal bar of chocolate at afternoon snack, and a chocolate frog from nana....

rainbowunicorn · 14/10/2024 22:32

You keep saying it's what she eats outside pf the home but you haven't actually said what you feed her at home. Apart feom saying she has some cereal for breakfast and some chicken satay sticks. Considering school meals are portion controlled and calorie controlled it's not likely to be those that are causing the issue. You said that both your children started school overweight. So what does a day's food look like at home when she isn't having anything outside. Just what you feed her?

bridgetreilly · 14/10/2024 22:32

Appetite is slow to change. So she will say she’s hungry when she is having less than she is used to. You need to ensure that she gets plenty of protein and fat, while minimising sugar. And you absolutely need to get her being as active as possible.

At birthday parties, let her eat what she wants. On all other occasions, you need to be giving appropriate portions, and then if she’s still hungry, she gets fruit, veg, plain chicken (not satay sticks), or cheese. She’s still growing, so you don’t put her on a diet, obviously, but you do need to make better choices for her and not blame it all on other people.

KvotheTheBloodless · 14/10/2024 22:31

I think some kids are naturally very fond of eating - they're just made that way. As more crap ultra-processed food is available these days, you see more overweight kids unfortunately, but there have always been kids who just love to eat.

One of DS's friends is like that, he's loved food since he was a baby, and even though the parents give him healthy food and limit treats, he's still overweight because he'll overeat the healthy stuff too. It's tough for his parents, as they're both very slim and health-conscious - they have to limit portion size and stop him eating and eating, which is hard.

Birdscratch · 14/10/2024 22:30

Does she drink plenty of water? It’s easy to mistake thirst for hunger and some people need more liquids than others.

Ozanj · 14/10/2024 22:30

Thedownstream · 14/10/2024 22:28

The thing is it’s not infrequent, and even if it were it all adds up to put on weight gradually which is then hard to lose.

We only ever have fruit for pudding at home, nothing else. We don’t have biscuits. We do have crisps but not more than twice per week and she has a small amount of sweets at the weekend at home.

It must be portion size but my very slim DC3 eats the same and he’s 3 years younger.

Show quote history

Before 5 kids who are prone to obesity preload their height. What you see as a tall ‘thin’ toddler may well become a short obese pre-teen.

NuffSaidSam · 14/10/2024 22:30

It's hard when you've got one like this, but ultimately it will be what you're feeding her and not the occasional birthday party.

Do you want to post an example of a week's food and we could give you some healthy switches?

The other thing to do is up her exercise, don't let her become a couch potato.

Frozensnow · 14/10/2024 22:30

BlackOrangeFrog · 14/10/2024 22:28

Your 9 year old girl might be hitting puberty, girls will often fill out I'm their middle at pre/ealri puberty..

So unless she's been overweight since she was little, she should be fine, assuming good habits in the first place?

Show quote history

She hasn’t been overweight since little but I’ve noticed a little belly coming in the past year or so which does fit with what you’re saying. I’ve never said anything to her at all but she’s self conscious of it because a couple of her friends are tiny and wear crop tops. She says she doesn’t want a crop top because her belly is too fat which was so sad to hear. She is very active too

Timelash · 14/10/2024 22:30

I say this kindly, I don’t think anyone is naturally inactive.

As above, portion control, and if they’re going to snack, healthy ones. At an early age we got DD snacking on carrots, sliced peppers, cucumber and cherry tomatoes. She loves ‘em. Biscuits etc. confined to treats.

HermoniePotter · 14/10/2024 22:29

If she’s having school cooked food can you not switch to packed lunches? You can get a food flask to give her a hot lunch then a packed cold tea which doesn’t need to be huge if she’s having a high protein meal when she gets home. You’re going to need to up her exercise whether she likes it or not.

Ozanj · 14/10/2024 22:28

School meals are calories controlled so you can ask for the info from the school. There is no way a 5 year old is fat because of them. You are obviously not ready to have an honest discussion about this OP.

Original poster
Thedownstream · 14/10/2024 22:28

FasterMichelin · 14/10/2024 22:21

You've given lots of examples of infrequent occasions of unhealthy food and portion sizes.

But what are YOU doing to reduce her intake?

She's young and you still have time to change things around. No white bread, fruit and veg only for snacks. Greek yoghurt only for pudding. Reduce the processed food. Reduce biscuits.

Sorry, but this is on you as no one else will care enough to make the changes.

The thing is it’s not infrequent, and even if it were it all adds up to put on weight gradually which is then hard to lose.

We only ever have fruit for pudding at home, nothing else. We don’t have biscuits. We do have crisps but not more than twice per week and she has a small amount of sweets at the weekend at home.

It must be portion size but my very slim DC3 eats the same and he’s 3 years younger.

OP posts:
BlackOrangeFrog · 14/10/2024 22:28

Frozensnow · 14/10/2024 22:26

I have 2 different children with food too. Eldest would graze all day if he could and is quite skinny (although has recently had a growth spurt.) we are often trying to encourage him to eat more. I wouldn’t say he’s healthy really, he is 12 so off to town with mates and eating all kinds of shite but stays skinny.

DC2 (9) does as much sports as her brother but loves food. Wants proper meals and would always ask for more if she could get her hands on it (she doesn’t have seconds). She’s by no means fat but has a lot more of a wobble on her belly by her brother and I can see how she could become fat much easier than him. I wouldn’t NEVER say this to her at all and I offer healthy snacks and meals. I just mean I can see how 2 siblings can be so different.

can you make her a packed lunch for school so you knows what she’s eating? Add eggs, cucumber, peppers, wholemeal tuna sandwich etc. I make mine a picky snack after school which she loves because it takes a while to eat- lots of little cut up fruit and veg, bits of chicken etc. keeps her full until tea time.

I do understand the difficulties at birthday parties etc especially when they’re 5 because they have constant parties at this age. I think it’s fine to say no to a doughnut if she’s already had one or had chocolate- just say to her it’s too much sugar and bad for teeth

Your 9 year old girl might be hitting puberty, girls will often fill out I'm their middle at pre/ealri puberty..

So unless she's been overweight since she was little, she should be fine, assuming good habits in the first place?

Mrsgreen100 · 14/10/2024 22:27

Get them out and moving
cut out sugar , plus UPFs

Quitelikeit · 14/10/2024 22:27

Seems like she is eating lots of processed foods at school

Why not ask what’s on their menus?

Maybe ask them to not allow seconds unless it’s fruit or vegetables

BlackOrangeFrog · 14/10/2024 22:26

Thedownstream · 14/10/2024 22:23

Unfortunately due to our work she has more like 40 meals per month at school as she has lunch and tea there. Most people I know give their children a second tea after tea at afterschool club but DC2 only has a tiny amount of food when she gets home (usually protein based, such as some chicken satay sticks). She has a small bowl of bran flakes for breakfast. She often tells me she’s hungry, but she can’t be right?

Show quote history

Give her a proper breakfast. Cereal (even bran flakes) should be considered junk food.

Dippy egg and soldiers for example would be a dar better breakfast. Even a cheese omelette.

She won't be as hungry after that.

Why are you giving her chicken satay sticks? Like the ones that are premade in the fridge snack section? Would they be ultra processed ones? Or are they just chicken and a peanut sauce?

Id be tempted to not even give a snack, and if you must, something like carrots/cucumber/celery with a teaspoon of peanut butter (whole nut, no added sugar)

Wat is she eating in a typical weekend?

Frozensnow · 14/10/2024 22:26

I have 2 different children with food too. Eldest would graze all day if he could and is quite skinny (although has recently had a growth spurt.) we are often trying to encourage him to eat more. I wouldn’t say he’s healthy really, he is 12 so off to town with mates and eating all kinds of shite but stays skinny.

DC2 (9) does as much sports as her brother but loves food. Wants proper meals and would always ask for more if she could get her hands on it (she doesn’t have seconds). She’s by no means fat but has a lot more of a wobble on her belly by her brother and I can see how she could become fat much easier than him. I wouldn’t NEVER say this to her at all and I offer healthy snacks and meals. I just mean I can see how 2 siblings can be so different.

can you make her a packed lunch for school so you knows what she’s eating? Add eggs, cucumber, peppers, wholemeal tuna sandwich etc. I make mine a picky snack after school which she loves because it takes a while to eat- lots of little cut up fruit and veg, bits of chicken etc. keeps her full until tea time.

I do understand the difficulties at birthday parties etc especially when they’re 5 because they have constant parties at this age. I think it’s fine to say no to a doughnut if she’s already had one or had chocolate- just say to her it’s too much sugar and bad for teeth

Iceache · 14/10/2024 22:24

My older son has always had a large appetite. He doesn’t really get full (whereas my younger one feels full quickly and stops eating immediately). I do find though that he’ll only overeat junk food! He’s 11 and still has a small plate for his meals. If he wants a second helping, he can, but I think having a smaller plate and refilling it seems to give him time to decide if he really does want more - and often he won’t!

I will say though that although I’m fairly strict with sugar and junk (not every day etc), I don’t calorie count for him because he is so active. In fact some days I find I have to add in an extra meal as he is genuinely starving and has done hours of sport. I think if children are very active and have a largely healthy diet - without huuuge portions, then you don’t really need to worry!

BlackOrangeFrog · 14/10/2024 22:23

And she's 5.

You decide how much exercise she gets. You can take her to the park, walk places, take her out, ban any electronic devices - go cold turkey.

If she's outside playing on a climbing frame, or trying to find frogspawn in a rivers, or hunting for fairies in the woods, or scooting to school, or being taken for a walk whilst other child plays sports......she isn't eating.

She can't eat the sideline snacks if she's not on the sidelines... Why is a 5 year old being made to watch an older child? Drop the older child off and take the 5 to for a walk, cycle, scoot, to the playground... ANYTHING.

Original poster
Thedownstream · 14/10/2024 22:23

BlackOrangeFrog · 14/10/2024 22:17

The child is overweight because if the food you give her.

She has at least 84 meals a month with you.

Of which... what 20 are at a school, and let's say... 10 are at ithe peoples houses, parties and at restaurants etc

Leaving 50+ meals (and snacks) on you and you alone.

What are you feeding them?

It's almost impossible for small children to be overweight eating a diet if mostly vegetables, some protein, fill fat dairy, nuts, fruit, wholemeal carbs etc.
It very easy if they eat beige crap,. sweets, cakes and crisps every day I'm varying proportions.

Unfortunately due to our work she has more like 40 meals per month at school as she has lunch and tea there. Most people I know give their children a second tea after tea at afterschool club but DC2 only has a tiny amount of food when she gets home (usually protein based, such as some chicken satay sticks). She has a small bowl of bran flakes for breakfast. She often tells me she’s hungry, but she can’t be right?

OP posts:
AgainandagainandagainSS · 14/10/2024 22:22

Of course she isn’t! She’s 5! She needs to move more and eat less (and less crap). Puppy fat belongs on a puppy. You should be able to see a healthy 5 year old’s ribs when she puts her arms above her head.

Crazycatlady79 · 14/10/2024 22:22

As both your children started school overweight, I'd suggest the problem stems from home, rather than all the other scenarios/settings/people you're blaming.

MidnightPatrol · 14/10/2024 22:22

I think if you obsess over her weight, she will end up with a complex about it.

How much, and what, are you allowing her to eat at home?

FasterMichelin · 14/10/2024 22:21

You've given lots of examples of infrequent occasions of unhealthy food and portion sizes.

But what are YOU doing to reduce her intake?

She's young and you still have time to change things around. No white bread, fruit and veg only for snacks. Greek yoghurt only for pudding. Reduce the processed food. Reduce biscuits.

Sorry, but this is on you as no one else will care enough to make the changes.