To think it’s really hard to keep a child with a large appetite an appropriate weight

Or since she is having a cold breakfast anyway give her cold food that can be prepared before hand. A chicken thigh, skin off. Hard boiled egg, an egg mayo or cheese sandwich, a slice of Spanish tortilla and a couple of slices of tomato, , full fat plain Greek yogurt with homemade granola ( cheaper than shop and you can load it with nuts, grains, dried fruit for sweetness, oats,seeds etc,very filling )half a toasted bagel with cream cheese and fruit on top.

Aim for foods with protein and fat which take longer to digest. Use natural fats like butter and good oil, not margarine or pretend butter. Offer more filling fruit like banana, or fruit that takes time to eat like apples, pears or fresh pineapple , rather than fruit that is eaten quickly like strawberries and blueberries, keep them for a treat!

Teach her to skip, great exercise, you can do it anywhere , lots of challenges to set yourself.

A cooked breakfast doesn't have to take much time - if you've a microwave you can make scrambled eggs in 1 minute.

I feel for you, if you don't have a child like this you don't get it.

My DC1 had no off switch, he's a lot better now he's older but I do worry about having given him a complex about how much he eats.

Definitely do a protein rich breakfast 80% of the time. Proper greek yoghurt, fruit and nut butter, or cold boiled eggs with ham, don't require lots of cooking.

Give a higher proportion of protein to carbs and up veggies to half the plate. Serve veggies or protein first if possible.

Avoid processed food.

Make sure she's hydrated.

Increase exercise - this can help trigger leptin.

Take her to trampoline park or another fun physical activity instead of to DC1 sport.

But mostly, try not to stress about it. It sounds like her diet is ok aside from the sweets.

Not enough protein, Greek yogurt for breakfast would be just as easy as bran flakes but high in protein which fills you up and stops you feeling hungry.

I think you are largely right my DD is a young teen and is just not a big eater, she eats whatever she wants and I'm always trying to persuade her to eat more but she won't have much or eat excessive amounts even with something like chocolate. Equally, she is really healthy by default hates beige food, not a big fan of chipsz her favourite fast food is ITSU.

My eldest can literally eat what he wants though he is just lucky and does eat loads not always the best choices.

Both of them have always walkedoads as young children to school was 2 miles and 2 miles back. They now walk all over the City, so that is a huge reason IMO for their very slim physiques. At four they were walking the 2 miles to school and going to the park after school so have always been very fit.

Hash browns, sausage pattys and tinned fruit sound awful. Kind of like if Wetherspoons did war rations.

Bran flakes are high in sugar. Sugar = fat. If you insist on feeding her cereal rice crispies are a low fat low sugar option. It should be weighed out. You will be surprised just by weighing out a portion how much you're actually meant to have it's 30g per portion don't know if that's an adult portion would have to read the pack. I'd have that for my breakfast with a boiled egg for protein as it keeps you fuller for longer. Obviously there is more issues here than just breakfast but I don't believe filling kids up on sugars before school will be helping they will be crashing by lunchtime.

My parents insisted on healthy meals and snacks too, to the point I immediately made a beeline for any chocolate and treats on offer at parties and events and clubs and gorged myself silly because I couldn't get them otherwise.

Some things that seem healthy aren't. I'm guessing the satay chicken and cereal bars are UPF which can effect our appetite and cravings etc.

It sounds like you are trying a lot, but I'd probably focus on reducing processed food to basically none, allowing free range veg snacks, and focusing on lots of fibre, healthy fats and protein at meal times.

Can you encourage movement after school with something like a 'dance party', Wii games, or is it possible for her to be outside while you do stuff inside? E.g. we have a gated driveway which I can see from the kitchen so I can get on with stuff indoors and they play outside.

I do think you need to stop blaming others.

Her breakfast sounds dire. Use an air fryer to cook things as you get ready. Hashbrowns, sausage pattys. Also tinned fruit. Yogurt. Scrambled eggs in the microwave. Overnight oats. I work but make time for my kids breakfast. Also packed lunch.

Go for bike rides, walks together. Loads of options for you.

I completely agree with you OP. It's hard for people to understand who haven't experienced it. People are quick to judge parents of overweight children but don't consider how much input actually comes from the child. Both my now adult daughters have always been slim. They had small appetites as children. I literally could have given them keys to their own sweetshop and they'd have just got excited about looking around it, having the odd nibble.
I on the other hand was like your daughter. Always hungry and basically greedy. My mum cooked from scratch every night, it was the 70s. By age 5 I knew all the tricks. Offer to take my own plate into the kitchen after dinner, and while I was there search for leftovers or wolf down a slice of bread. Finish my friend's leftovers at school lunch and on playdates. Always hovered round the food table at parties. My mum tried as hard as she could to keep my weight down but didn't succeed.

I have to be careful with my first she is an average weight 25-35th percentile but short. Until recently she was 1st percentile for height which put her at the top of a healthy BMI. She's moved up to the 4th percentile for height and now 80th percentile BMI and she looks better for it.

She has a very restricted diet due to allergies, reflux and a tendency towards loose stools. She goes through weeks of only eating 1 meal a day and a bite or two of a second but her weight gain is always brilliant. Her activity drops with her food consumption which I think contributes to her not losing weight. I would keep a really honest food diary for a week because there is stuff you mention as a few times a week that we have a few times a year. Crisps we buy a 6 pack of once or twice a year for picnics and taking to parties. Sweets are birthdays, birthday parties and Christmas. Not being able to buy things really helps reduce frequency! I do wonder whether things have sneaked more frequent than you have realised

I think activity is key, as my two eat SO much but they burn it as they're constantly moving. DS needs movement after school so most nights it is the park straight from school and of not football in the garden. What time do they finish after school club? Could you go to the park from there before tea? Do you walk home or drive? At the weekend maybe factor in time for soft play or a trampoline park. Or a scooter ride. If they're not into joining in with sport I think fun movement is the way.

Presumably she's running around at playtime though? So hopefully around 60 minutes???

If she sedentary after school, then you need to make sure she's not after school. They should be running round/active for 2-3 hours or more a day with at least an hour if it being vigorous... Eg running, scooting, jumping etc.

You need to find ways for her to move more.

I agree with this - we also struggle. Family style eating / any opportunity to help themself e.g. a party buffet my DC will be at the food table the entire time unless told no.

it's really hard!

There is an option for a cooked breakfast.

You can make omelette bites, put them in fridge/freezer, takes not even a minute to reheat. Serve with a glass of milk. Wrap them in a wholemeal wrap with cheese/spinach if you like.
You can put cheese, pepper, onions etc in the bites.

What makes you think bran flakes are a good breakfast? There's little nutrition. She won't stay full on processed flakes of bran. She would fare better having plain yoghurt and berries.

What's in the wrap for lunch?

Ditch the crisps and cereal bars as out and about snacks. We take tubs of whole nuts, veggie sticks, babybels, apples etc for our on the go snacks

What drinks is she having? (Hint she should be mostly having water or milk)

My 7 year old is similar, she eats healthily but just really loves food and eats a lot. Spends all of birthday parties eating junk!
I actually just started by own thread about it and did get some helpful advice.

I've taken the breastfeeding on demand, baby led weaning, healthy food and let them self-regulate approach with my children and it worked perfectly with one, two are overweight.

She might still feel hungry if her diet isn't balanced, or be confusing hunger and thirst. It's good you're working out why she feels like this rather than assuming she doesn't.

Maybe give fruit and yoghurt as well at breakfast (possibly reducing the bran flakes slightly). Berries or a sliced banana can be added quickly to cereal.

Rather than cut out other snacks completely could you downgrade them slightly, so raisins instead of haribo or making a fruit salad with grandparents as a treat?

Also look at the wraps and cereal bars, they can be much higher in fat, sugar and calories than the packaging suggests.

My DS absolutely loves food (he's nearly 5) and can sometimes eat as much as an adult.
But his meals are veg heavy.

Some of the things he has, to give you an idea for your child OP.
Breakfasts;
Plain greek yogurt, berries, cacot nibs and a teaspoon of honey.
Boiled egg and buttered soldiers
Cheese omelette (1 egg)
Porridge (chia and flaxseed mixed in) with berries.

Main meals;
Grilled mackerel, broccoli, carrots and peas with a bit of sweet potato.

Macaroni cheese, with "hidden veg" sauce, served with half his plate as salad.

Chicken and spinach curry,.(With onions and tomatoes in coconut milk based sauce) Served with more veg, like broccoli and some brown rice.

His typical packed lunch is ; goats cheese and spinach roll/wap, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, carrot stick, celery , and sometimes a yoghurt dip. Some cheese, a piece of fruit, and some unsalted nuts (he likes pistachios).

If he complains he's hungry between meals, he gets offered plain oatcakes, veggie sticks, pickle gherkins/beetroot/onions.

He'll have crisps maybe once a week and that's half a pack of a 30g bag of whatever.
He has sweet treats at school ( the pudding is often a muffin/cookie/jelly) during week. So at weekend he might have a pack of 10p haribo, or a little multi pack bag of skittles, or one of those little tubes of parma violets

Only*

Give her time - she’s not 5 one of mine was chubby at that age - it wore off

It doesn't matter what your other child eats.

If it's the portion sizes, then reduce them.

We don't discuss calories but do discuss healthy choices, what it does for our bodies (energy etc) & being full. Is she drinking enough? We do water or occasionally sugar free juice. I don't buy fruit juice/sweets & only buy crisps once a week for a movie or Sat night - family bag to share between 5 type thing. We don't really want processed foods & that's been the best swap. It's hard to give exact advice without knowing what you eat/portions etc. I'd focus on increasing activity - find something she enjoys. For my DD it was skating/ice-skating & skateboarding!

Could you ask for a referral to a dietician?