I am too old, aren’t it?

Fuck that for a game of charades.

Yes, you're definitely north of old, but loads will post that they didn't even start their families until age 47 or something ridiculous, trying to make out like it's really normal.

No you're not at all.

Why don't you try for a year or so and see?
If it happens it happens, if it doesn't you tried. It wasn't meant to be.
From your post I get the impression you're more yes than no. Therefore it may be worse if you didn't try and then regretted it.

People have such different experiences. I only have one friend who had their babies before 36. In fact, around 37/38 seems to be the starting point for first babies in my social/family group.

I hope your new guy is ok. People who have been in abusive relationships need to look internally to see why they chose their abuser. I hope you put that work in. Your description of him sounds overly perfect.

Just be aware that you should see things from a lense of reality and not a fantasy.. Babies come with strings and attachments to people. Men change when you’re trapped.

Yep, definitely too old. Think of the baby and higher likelihood of terrible suffering.

I had twins (my first and only) a week before my 43rd birthday but needed IVF to achieve it. There were no apparent reasons for our infertility other than 'age related'. DH (also his only children) and I have loved every second and haven't felt too old even with teenagers. Saddest thing is that by 15 they had lost all their grandparents.

How did your children feel about it?

If he really really wanted kids he would have them. I don't think you should have another (or try) just because he thinks he might quite like a kid. It's a huge toll on your body and your life.

A puppy is for life, not just for Christmas. Ie. Is it just a romantic idea of his?

How would you feel if the baby wasn’t totally healthy? The odds increase as you get older. I think this is what you really need to consider.

I hate to be that poster, but ypu posted a few months ago about severe issues you are having with your 13 year old. Do you think throwing another baby in is a good idea?

I don’t have any issues with older mothers (I’m one myself!), so no I don’t think 44 is too old - obviously with the caveat that you are in good health for your age and make sensible provision for your children (in terms of life insurance/who would look after the kids just in case).

My only hesitation would be your daughters - they are still reasonably young and sound like they have been through a lot of upheaval too with possibly witnessing some of the abuse from their father and certainly the split and change in their living arrangements and now your new relationship.

The teenage years are a tricky time too and I’m guessing they still need/want lot of your attention (emotionally at least) and babies are so much work and stress - for all the joys they might bring to parents. I wonder how your daughters would feel about a new half sibling? That would be the question that would make me think hard - not your age.

You're not too old physically, but you should heed the cautionary advice you've had on here about the practicalities of being an older mum:

More potential for a birth defects
Energy levels on your 40's are lower and you may struggle to cope with a baby and a job, as well as your older kids
Does your DH really want a baby, rather than it being a nice idea
Will your older kids be happy?

Your relationship sounds happy, supportive and just what you needed.

Children are VERY hard on even the best relationships let’s be honest. Having a baby in your mid 40s is even harder work than in your 20s or 30s

I guess I think you deserve to be happy and why risk losing that or putting pressure on it when the person who really wants kids (you) already has them. Feeling that a man would make a good father doesn’t make it compulsive to make him one.

My advice would be to do something for just you for once and enjoy your life without the stress, exhaustion and financial pressure of a new baby. Just sit back and enjoy being in a decent relationship.

Yeah but at that age the eggs are in bad shape, I think having children at a later age is selfish for the children even if it can be done, I'd go as far as to say over 36 is pushing it and women only do it trying to chase having everything at the cost of the children. I think the same for men too if that makes it better. Especially with mental illnesses/conditions being diagnosed so often in children, I wouldn't be surprised if it's somehow linked with being older parents.

@CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo Why would she be doing all the work?

How long have you been together? I can't see that mentioned anywhere.

I wouldn't do it.

He wanted them but has accepted he won’t have any with me. He says he’d rather be with me than not.

I'd believe him. If you do have a baby, you'll be doing all the work. Have you considered the impact on your relationship, and of course on your existing DC?

Bit depressed about the replies here. 2nd child at 45 - naturally conceived, easy pregnancy and birth, now 18. An absolute joy, not traumatised or permanently scarred by having a geriatric parent as far as I know. I was not exhausted, not yet using an zimmer frame and menopause passed me by unnoticed, as it does many women in my experience. Brought and continues to bring happiness and joy to our relationship.

I would just make sure you’ve really thought about the realities of a 44 year old trying for a baby. Less chance of falling pregnant, higher risk of loss throughout pregnancy and higher risk of complications. It might take a year or two to fall pregnant and then if it goes wrong, add another few months to that to start again. You might not be successful again and that will be really hard to cope with. It will impact on your relationship. Sorry to sound so negative but it’s reality the older you get and definitely needs consideration. Then again, you might be really lucky and have a successful pregnancy first try. The point is it’s impossible to know how it will go so be prepared for the worst. I wish you luck if you decide to go for it

Give it a try, you will regret it forever if you don't. My best friend had her 2nd child at 45 (first at 40), best thing she ever did. But don't dally, try now.

I personally would not at 44,I would focus on what appears to be a loving relationship and just enjoy it all..as a couple you can share many many more experiences.you have children and I am sure they are pleased you are now in a loving relationship so enjoy what ye both have as a family unit…

OP, I had DD2 at 43, and a decade on, it's all wonderful.

In my social circle, having babies in late 30's/early 40's is absolutely normal. Most of the women I know of that age are fit, strong, capable and in a place in their lives where they can prioritize being the parent they want to be.

There is great advice on this thread from both sides.