I am too old, aren’t it?

Because evolutionarily men want babies after their own image, this new man will never feel for the OPs existing children (by another man) the way they would feel for a baby they've created. It doesn't make them bad people, it's hardwire into humans for survival. It's down to the adults to make the right decisions because the children don't get to choose but they have to live with the consequences.

So you have an approx 13 to 14 yo and a (guess) 10 yo.

think of your two children first and how much of your energy and attention will be soaked up with a new baby, as you move into your late 40s and into your 50s.

Their needs should be paramount, but you haven't mentioned their needs once,

you need to put your rational head on with a decision as big as bringing a baby into the world, and think about it from your children's perspective. You owe it to them before you owe anything to a new bloke.

How long have you been together? If still early days, it's a risk. People and relationships change after a DC. If things don't work out, are you prepared to be a single mother for many more years, and of 3 beforehand?
If your relationship is great, and he'd rather have you, so it's not a deal breaker. I'd consider if before you met him, did you feel done with DC's and happy with the 2 you had? How much of your desire for another DC is about being loved up with your DP?

I don't think you are too old OP. I had my youngest at 41.

Obviously there are a lot of things to think about in terms of whether you'd want to start over, still have a child at home at 60, what the effect might be on your other children.

For me, I would draw some pretty clear lines around how far I'd be willing to take things. I think it's much better to consider such things ahead of time rather than in the trenches so to speak. For me, I wouldn't be willing to have interventions, if nature thought I was too old I'd leave it at that. And I might say, I'll try for a year, but after that I'd want to stop. Whether I'd be willing to have extra testing. Just as an example.

Why is 44 too old?! It's fine.

I'd say it was a bit too old. But go for it if you want to.

This. Why not try you never know. My granny in 1931 had my dad at 50.

Like Firefly1987 said it sounds like he doesn't really care about having a child but you do. I think you should explore that a bit.

Yes because it's harder to make a good living these days at a better age to start having children, and women are establishing careers which takes time but I still don't think it's a good thing biologically. Not the women's faults, just how society is set up but it's still not as healthy for the child as having them younger.

Having a baby with a new man when you have a young teen and tween doesn’t sound ideal tbh.

If he’s so keen on kids and would be such a fab dad why doesn’t he focus on your existing children? If he’s not interested unless they are biologically his then he’s not all that great tbh.

I think that is partly or even mainly because autism can be hereditary and autistic people are statistically older when they have children….

Chuck that coil away and let the answer be in the hands of fate!

You are not too old if your body decides you aren’t and gives you a baby.

If it takes time to fall pregnant and it all goes to plan (and as others have pointed out, risks are higher in the 40s), you could be 45 or 46 when giving birth.

The one disadvantage I found for myself as an older mum is my support network is low. We fully rely on daycare, there is no village helping us.

Good luck if you do go down baby road!

The massive rise in mental health conditions in children has been linked to older parents {older mothers as well as older fathers}

Autism especially.

I'd be concerned about potential disabilities in a child with older parents.

Statistically it's much more likely.

The bloke might bugger off as so many do with a disabled child, leaving you as a single parent all over again.

I'm interested to know, was he with you from newborn? I would love to adopt one day but I'll be in my 40s, at least! I assumed from that age you'd only get school aged children placed with you?

Everyone is different if you feel your body is up to going through another pregnancy and labour then go for it. A friend of mine had her youngest at 43 and has 2 teenage children. Her older children absolutely dote on her she gets lot's of attention.

He sounds completely ambivalent about having kids, you don't have to have children with every partner. Once again parents dating childless men and then insisting on making them fathers because they feel guilt they're "missing out" or worried they'll go have kids with someone else or something.

There comes a cut off point where it is just selfish and I think you are at this point! You need to think about the child, when they are due to start school, you would be nearly 50 and starting to hit the menopause. When they are due to leave school you will be hitting 60!! My friend growing up had older parents and hated it as they were so out of touch with everything. Enjoy the life you have and don't do it.

Because in most cases, that's what happens. There are way too many threads on MN saying the equivalent of 'he wanted me to have his baby now I'm stuck at home doing all the night feeds, nappy changes, cleaning etc while he swans off with his mates'

I don't think you're too old (other than the usual risks of being an older mum) and there's no reason why you couldn't at least try, if it's what you both truly want. However, you wrote "He wanted them but has accepted he won’t have any with me" so are you sure he wants them now? I think you need to have a serious conversation with him and think hard about whether a new baby could place strains on your relationship which sounds so great and you've waited a long time for. Just be sure before you start trying. 😊

Its all subjective. People age (mentally and physically) at different rates. I'm older than you and I could cope with a new baby but I have friends a lot younger who could not contemplate it.

Just try, its in the lap of the Gods and you will only regret it, if you do not.

You say your partner is younger so it will not be too big an issue you being an older mum as long as he is around - thinking here that you will be at least 60 before your child leaves the 5th form.

One last thing - only do this if you REALLY want to do this, don't do it to appease the man in your life - it needs to be a joint decision.

Focus on the 13yo who is having issues imo.

Chronologically you’re not too old. You just have more pressing priorities, surely.

Lordy... Why do so many people do this?

Focus on your existing children who have already suffered at the hands of the adults in their life.

They have a shitty father, a new man living with them, they need to be your priority not a new baby.

Thank you 🙏 OPs descriptor sounds too good to be true, and now pressure to get pregnant.

Just consider all these things OP 💖