Husband wants me to stop working

Men who say shit like this are a massive, walking red flag.

And presumably people who need tutors are at school during the day 🤣🤣 What a great idea. Offer to tutor people when they aren't available!

You so realise that people who need tutors are invariably ar school during the day don't you.

As for the rest of your comment - shame on you!

This is about control. He doesn't want you to be independent. He wants you to do what he says.

Why can't he parent his children for the few hours that you are tutoring? Is is incapable of it?

Why does you being unavailable to the children during that time matter more than him being unavailable all day?

Control and his ego. He likes to be seen as the big man and you are the little woman. Know your place and get back in your lane. That's what's going on in his head.

The pensions, presumably both of your funds are of a similar size?

He has said that I really should appreciate the time with the children whilst they’re small and stop teaching so we have more nice family time together.

Perhaps he should appreciate the time with the children while they're small and stop moaning about having to look after them solo for a few hours a week.
What a dick

He is being incredibly selfish. Do not under any circumstances stop working. Put your big girl pants on and tell him that you will carry on working and he needs to bloody well step up and parent his own children. Many women work full time and I strongly suggest that’s what you aim for. You are worth so much more than a woman who does what her DH tells her to do.

She's a tutor;she kids she tutors will be at school or in bed themselves during the hours your suggesting;this isn't about making the husbands life easier so he doesn't have to solo parent for less than 10 hours a week this is about the OP having the right to work too.

Why are so many people on here keen for women to essentially be domestic drudges enslaving themselves to the patriarchy???

This is exactly it.

This. Total arse.

This makes no sense, so he is trying to guilt you by telling your child they cant see you as you chose to work, whilst also saying give up the work so you can have time to yourself or for exercise. So which is it? Would you get time to yourself? Or is it really just to stop him having to parent.

As others have pointed out, men cheat, die or leave all the time and it really would be unwise to take yourself out of the employment market for any length of time. I also wonder if you are making sure out of those joint funds, that your pension pot is as healthy as his is, because this is another VERY good reason to stay working.

Too many people give up financial independence or keeping relevant in the workplace only to be screwed down the line, having those few hours a week it just makes sense. It wont hurt him to parent for a few hours (as he is a parent, he isnt looking after them like its a favour, its literally his job too).

Wow. Next time he says something like that I'd say 'or YOU could go part time and spend more time with your own children!'

I would NOT tolerate his nastiness, he is a misogynist who thinks you main job should be the mother. Nip this in the bud OP, right now!!! Especially him putting you down in front of the children. What a prick! That is manipulative, cruel and inexcusable. He'd do that once with me, just once, and the snapback would be so harsh he'd get whiplash and never do that ever again! Does he have any redeeming qualities at all?

I stopped working at my partners request. He wanted my job to be “Him. Us”. But I’m 50, no shared kids, financially independent for the rest of my life. I love my life. Only do it if it benefits you in every way.

I couldn’t respect a man who said that to me quite frankly.

Yes, maybe he is a bit resentful. I think I would be, too! Tutoring might not be the best job for the moment, if it has to be scheduled for this time of the day and so many days a week. If it could be consolidated, it would make more sense and interfere less with the family's opportunity for time spent together.

He can’t tell you to spend more time with DC when he doesn’t. Keep doing it, it’s good to have something you do that’s not you being a mum, and keeps your hand in so you can work more when kids are older - assuming you want to of course. I kept working even though we could easily live on DH’s salary and am so glad I did.

Him making a comment like that to a two year old shows that he’s resentful and wants you to know it, he isn’t thinking about you “having time for yourself” at all. Unless you would really rather not be working, don’t give it up on his say so.

@3boysandadog23

“And you are a SAHM but you have 2 children at school all day- is it possible that you could work some daytime hours instead, and then have more family time in the evenings?”

might be a good option Op?

I don't think he should have made the comment to the child that was inappropriate. But the hours that you are working are really the most intense part of the day for me as a parent (we've 4 kids) and my husband and I both prefer doing the evenings together with the kids- so even though I get the "he doesn't want to parent" argument, presumably he's at work all day, and then caring for the kids all evening? And you are a SAHM but you have 2 children at school all day- is it possible that you could work some daytime hours instead, and then have more family time in the evenings?

@Callmemummynotmaaa I had the exact same thoughts n my husband regularly has to work evenings as part of his job and this is my last favourite time of the day.

If he was just doing this for a little bit of money we didn't need then I definitely think we would be having the conversation around is it worth it etc.

That being said, if the OP would like to continue her role her DH should respect and support that decision.

The hours are quite restrictive
his comments would piss me off

my friend does private tutoring during the day for kids that aren’t in school but get private tutoring via the department of education she loves it

Spend nice time with family? Sure they are in bed through some of it.
Nope! Don't do it. Do not be financially dependable on someone else if you can help it x

To me seems like he wants an easy life with you looking after the kids and him not having to do anything 🤨🙄 Aside from this I would have to think very carefully before deciding to give up my financial independence for anyone/anything...

I'm a SAHM and I also tutor in the evenings, similar hours to you but I only have a one year old. My husband really enjoys the one on one time with her on the evenings I tutor (x3 a week) and I love hearing them playing or doing bath time together. I think you should reframe things with your husband that it's important for him to have bonding time with the children without you there so he can get to enjoy them when they are small too and they can build on their relationship outside of you.

The youngest child sees you all day. He doesn’t see any of them all day and doesn’t feel guilty: what difference does it make what time of day it occurs? He’s seeing them far less himself! He’s using that argument to make you feel guilty. You are entitled to do work which fulfils you and gives you some income so you aren’t reliant on him.

I agree.

I would be a bit peeved if my DH was a SAHD but then chose to be busy during the times the kids came home from school.

It would mean him seeing his kids less than if he just had a normal job.

I personally would prefer a daytime job or work less days in the evenings and then see my kids after school more.