Partner and female co worker

I don’t know… I get how this could open up a can of worms. Bringing up the old feelings, hurt etc but if the only way to keep him is by preventing his other friendships then it’s only a matter of time before he does leave you. Do you have a good relationship otherwise?

i just think if he wants to go he will..

Well done OP. He's a liar who doesn't care about your wants and needs if nothing else so I'd be showing him the door too. Very good chance IMO if he's not cheating he will be given half a chance. Selfish dickhead.

Omg... They are not friends. If they were they would meet up with you there.

I would set some very firm boundaries and literally tell DH I will leave if I sniff any similar behaviour.

He needs to tell her he can't speak to her because he has a partner. It's nothing to do with your anxiety. Any woman would feel the same.

I believe you should always trust your instincts. I have never to my knowledge been cheated on but if my instincts have told me to step away then that’s what i have done.
Now I have a husband who I trust 100% and he can trust me.
your man lied by omission. I would be listening to my inner instincts. He knew you didn’t want him to spend time with her he did it anyway. That’s a red flag from me. Personally I would walk away. He has betrayed your trust.

I have a ton of male friends.

I would never ever meet up with one on my own while their partner was away unless the partner gave their blessing. I would want to have the partner talk to me directly for that. Biggest red flag ever!

Has she made any effort at all to get to know you? Has your husband even introduced you to each other? This friendship has two people in it, so while your hubby is definitely to blame, so is she. This is not an innocent friendship.

I think there do need to be ground rules for this friendship to continue. From what I just read, either he's incredibly naive or his eyes are wondering.

Can you meet up with them and see what she is like. I get its not nice as you have been hurt by an ex. I would feel the same if I hadn't met her. I don't agree him speaking about your anxiety to her

Another cool wife here... there is no universe in which his behaviour is OK. He is being horribly disrespectful of you and of your relationship. This is not the same as him simply wanting to have female friends and you having an issue with it. He's way over the line - they both are, and I dare say they know it. They don't care.

I would honestly consider leaving him over this.

Hi,

I am a cool wife and hell no! If you have a gut feeling, he shouldn’t. That is as simple of that.

Let him go now. And be the one to choose yourself instead waiting for him to do it.

Good luck 🌺

YANBU and he should not have put u in this position.

A man who wants to stay loyal won't give any reasons to be misunderstood and sticks to his business this sounds like a side gig keep your eyes open sorry

Well, @Luciev, it all sounds very ‘coupley’. They’ve been building emotional intimacy and reliance with their confiding KISA/Damsel dynamic and speaking of their connection. And he acknowledged his attraction when he told her she ‘looks good.’

He is very manipulative. He was clearly only paying lip service when initially agreeing to not meet up with OW and to dial back the contact, as they got together as soon as you left town, and are still having hour-long FaceTime sessions behind closed doors. He threw you under the bus by telling her that your anxiety is to blame for their not being able to meet again. Their accusing you of being hysterical and OTT is pure contempt and manipulation.

@Luciev, this guy does not place high value in (his) being honest or monogamous. I do hope you have an exit plan in the works.

not entirelu
doll,youve got to go with your gut.
2hour dog walk unlikely land you in hellfire eternal.....
disrespecting your dp, potentially put your life,relationship,trust on the line-merits kickin off.
That said. Keep the heid. theres alwys big picture(you can walk away from at anytime)if (he gets that he was wrong..sorrys a start)words n actions.your gua
rds no up for nothin

Gosh, he’s even laid the ‘crazy ex’ groundwork.

So have you ended it? It would be interesting to know if they've got together, if not, just maybe your past got in the way of your future. Whilst I get it, and agree it looks shady. There is a possibility that it was harmless banter and mild flirting, which I wouldn't class as cheating. That said, him saying you were feeling anxious was a convenient way of blaming you for their 'friendship' ending!

Let's pretend that the messages are between Nigel, 57, from HR, and OP's fella, after they discovered a shared passion for model railways.

"How tall are you? We have so much in common"

"I like you. We have a connection"

Nah, not buying it.

Are you sure it was just a dog walk?

He's the ultimate CF and she is just encouraging him. I really hope you move on and live your best life without him in it.

Dear OP, you already know everything that needs to be known. The only variable here is how this situation will grow from here on out. Healthy ruptures and repairs strengthen the relationship. If there is an intelligent response and a genuine ability to reflect he'll realise that it's not worth to break the trust for someone who's not important. If he carries on gaslighting you and this is just a friend, you know exactly where this is going. You deserve peace.

Welcoming the sisterhood.

What is the funny bit in all these stories is that men get MORE attractive to random women when they're in a steady relationship, and not the case in the reversed roles.
Proper shit show.

OP, you told your partner you are not comfortable with his relationship, outside work, with a colleague. Why did he not make a decision without putting the ‘blame’ on you ? That is a childish denying thing to do. She doesn’t need to know about your unease, just his decision, which I get the feeling he isn’t going to stick to despite knowing your past experience. Telling you she thinks you are ‘crazy and overreacting’ should not even come into it because he shouldn’t be discussing your feelings with her, only that he would not see her outside work.

He's told you they have a ‘connection’ and he says she ‘looks good’. What on earth do her looks matter if there’s ‘nothing wrong’ and perhaps he’d like to define ‘connection’…

I think your life would be better without a person who puts a good looking person he has a connection with higher than you in his priority list.

Have a great time at the HoL. Try to take time to just look around and absorb the sights and atmosphere.

Apologies for this but I first read one of your posts to say she travelled an hour to spend two hours dogging with him. (Blush)

Chin up, he’s not worth it.

He's only thinking of himself, not about you and your feelings. He knows what you went through in your previous relationship and expects you to be ok with his "friendship".
Don't wait for history to repeat itself. Learn from your past experience. He's not the one for you.

Thing is, you're having to enforce it. You're having to tell him. And he's laying the blame at your door

He's taking no responsibility for any of it

In my eyes this is tantamount to cheating. He waited for you to go away to meet up with her, when he said he wouldn't. Hes also blamed you and revealed your insecurities to her! He's putting their "friendship" above your relationship. And I'd bet my last fiver he hasn't cooled anything with her

YANBU X