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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m leaving having kids too late at 31 and single?

117 replies

QuickPlayer · 14/10/2024 19:49

I’m currently 31 and single, and I often hear people say that if I want kids, I should consider starting sooner rather than later. I’ve always envisioned having children, but I also want to focus on my career and personal goals first. AIBU to think that I still have plenty of time to meet the right person and start a family, or am I risking leaving it too late?

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 14/10/2024 20:41

I didn't focus on my career, it's what I did as I hadn't met the right partner yet. I did at 39 and went on to have two children.
I'd not deny a relationship because I still had career goals - they are not mutually exclusive.

MargaretBetts · 14/10/2024 20:39

I was single and career focused until 36, married at 37, first baby at 38.

ETA, very happily single!

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 14/10/2024 20:36

You're fine love. If you're very worried get some fertility checks and think about freezing your eggs, but 31 is no age.

SaltySallyAnne · 14/10/2024 20:30

Factually you can’t guarantee being fertile into your mid to late 30’s. Freeze your eggs,‘give yourself the best chance down the road

Clarentine · 14/10/2024 20:23

Well I'm 36 and single, so I really hope 31 isn't too late!!

Roguebludger · 14/10/2024 20:19

The earlier poster makes a good point. I had my first at 32 but it took a while to have my second. If you really want kids (and they aren't necessary) then you leaving it a bit late if you haven't met the man with sperm you want yet.

whiteroseredrose · 14/10/2024 20:19

A bit. I met (now) DH when I was 30. I had DC at 34 and 37 and I wish I had had them sooner. I will be 71 when DD is 34 and probably too old to be much help with her children.

savethatkitty · 14/10/2024 20:17

Come back when your 45 love. You've got plenty of time.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/10/2024 20:15

menopausalmare · 14/10/2024 19:53

I met my partner at 36 and had our children at 38 and 40.

Similar timing but I wasn't bothered about having children and I wouldn't settle for an arsehole.

If you are desperate to make sure you have children, it's a little more serious.

threeunrelatedwords · 14/10/2024 20:11

You’re definitely not too late!

But you might laugh at The 29 to 31 song:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=H-gfxjAaZg0

Original poster
QuickPlayer · 14/10/2024 20:11

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/10/2024 20:03

Not too late at the (moment) no, but.... I would be worried if I was 31 and still single.

Sorry.

Wow, that’s blunt! But thanks for your honesty.

OP posts:
MBM18 · 14/10/2024 20:10

No you're not leaving it too late but it may be worth thinking about getting your eggs counted/frozen just to be on the safe side if you know you'd definitely like to have children in the future

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/10/2024 20:03

Not too late at the (moment) no, but.... I would be worried if I was 31 and still single.

Sorry.

Bearbookagainandagain · 14/10/2024 20:01

I met my husband at 32, first child at 34 and second at 36. Generally I felt that making those choices were a lot easier mid-thirties so things went quite fast.

That said, at 31 I was seriously considering freezing my eggs. I had looked into cost and started saving for it. Plenty of women have children in their later thirties, but you don't really know about your fertility until you try or do the medical exams for it. One of my friends paid for private fertility assessment when she was in her early thirties, and at least it's given her some idea of what her next steps should be.

Redplenty · 14/10/2024 19:58

It depends how disappointed you'd be if you found you couldn't have kids (and kids plural is important, as if it takes you a while to have the first you might miss your chance for a second). If you're on the fence then it isn't a big deal, plenty of people get pregnant later on. But if it is very important then you need to think about how you're going to get that ball rolling as presumably you'd want to be with someone a couple of years before starting to try for a family.

menopausalmare · 14/10/2024 19:53

I met my partner at 36 and had our children at 38 and 40.

AllAboardTootToot · 14/10/2024 19:52

I just had my first at 39. Like you I focussed on career, setting ourselves up in life and travelling to where we wanted. The timing felt right and I couldn’t be happier.

what works for you won’t necessarily work for others so if it feels right for you, go with it.