To think I’m leaving having kids too late at 31 and single?

Jesus Christ almighty. What a ridiculous comment.

I didn't feel like dating until I was 34 and started but it took me to 37 before I met my now DH and we had a challenging journey to parenthood and only managed to have one child when I was already 41. So overall it took me 7 years from starting dating to having a child with a husband.

Obviously you could happen to meet someone tomorrow and have a kid soon but I do think you need to start thinking about it and trying to meet the right person to settle down with so that you hopefully still can have kids when you want. The longer you leave it the less time you have left.
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This is amazing for you but you have to accept that this is absolutely not the case for everyone. At 30 your chance of pregnancy per cycle is 20%, at 40 it’s 5%.

There’s also the miscarriage risk which at 30 is around 18%, but at 40 is around 38%.

It’s not impossible, but it’s certainly not a given that having a baby at 40 is doable.

I married an utter twat in my 20s and a lovely man in my 30s.

I was pretty stupid in my 20s so I don't think marrying young is the solution people think it is.

I didn't even meet my DH until I was 40, we then had 2 children.

Oh my God, you are SO young. Get your fertility tested if you are very worried but most women are able to have a successful pregnancy into their early forties.
And it's 2024, you don't even need a man.
I had my baby at 40 and wasn't even in a relationship at the time.

Funny you say this as several of my female colleagues always say that they found 30-35 as a woman are the hardest years to meet a man who wants to be a husband/father because they find men their own age either want a younger woman who they can have a few years with before having to think about children, or older men who have already had children and don’t want anymore!

Hiya, I read your post and thought I'd share my experience. I got married at 32 and started trying for a child straight away. It took me 6 years to have my little girl and I'm so blessed. I found out early on to get certain bloods taken to check my egg count - amh levels. Your GP can do this at a certain point in your cycle. This info I think will help you a lot in your decision. I had and have very low AMH levels, which I think was the main challenge for me in getting pregnant. If your levels are high I wouldn't worry about doing anything and would take a few more years to see what happens for you romantically. If however your AMH levels are low, I'd perhaps look into freezing eggs until the time comes when you might be ready or want to have a child.

Wishing you all the best for your future years, you're still so young and enjoy life and your early 30's xx

Met dh at 33. Got together officially at 35. Married at 37. Baby at 40. You've got time 😊

I wouldn’t necessarily be panicked at 31 but I would be starting to worry if I was 31 and not with the person I want to have kids with. Mainly because it’s a very bad idea to have kids with someone you barely know, for a woman it’s puts you in a vulnerable position to have kids before getting married, and presumably you’d want to live with the father of your child, would need time to get to know them before that happens and then potentially time to save up deposits/get moved.

So when you think from meeting someone you have maybe a couple years of dating before moving in together and thinking of marriage, then time saving for a wedding and getting married, even if you met the perfect man tomorrow you’re probably still a few years away from trying for a baby, and you could meet multiple men before then who seem perfect and only after a year or so true colours show.

There’s also the case you see a lot on here of men saying they want kids, hypothetically, and then delay trying for them until it’s too late. So you could meet an amazing man who makes all the right noises about kids and only find out 5 years down the line that actually he doesn’t really want them, which is so sad but seems to happen a lot. Having someone waste your time like that is difficult at any age but more so (in fertility terms) if those 5 years are 32-37 than if they are 25-30.

This thread is depressing 😔

I was in a group of five first time mums at 36. Only one of us had a second child naturally. One other by ivf. We never tried as we’re happy with one and the two other couples couldn’t have another.
so I’d say for all of us 36 was quite easy ttc but 38/9 was a lot harder for those who tried.

I started trying at 31 and we had already left it too late. Premature menopause followed shortly after. It's not that unusual to have significantly decreased fertility in early to mid 30s
We adopted which was a fine option for us. But I am sorry people are telling you all is well. It may not be and if having biological children is important to you, keep this in mind.

You will be fine. Most importantly find the right partner!

At 31 I would be worried about meeting someone, if I really wanted kids

Lots of women have kids later in life though, so it's not like you've run out of time

No, not yet, but if having children is a priority, then making finding a man to have them with a priority. Otherwise it is easy for the years to fly by until it is too late.

A few stats: a third of women in the western world have no children, but only 5% of women are child-free by choice. So a whopping quarter of the female population are missing out on motherhood against their will. Usually because time ticked by and it was too late by the time they had all the pieces of the puzzle ready. So, if you don’t want to be one of them, remember you don’t need to have everything perfectly set up before you have children.

I met my DH at almost 35 and squeezed in two kids before 40. We were on a tighter timescale than I'd have liked but had no problems conceiving.

Same. I do think it was lucky to an extent that getting pregnant was easy for us. But I wouldn't be panicked at 31. I was single then and then again at 35, which was more worrying

I met my DH when I was 32, married at 35, had babies at 36 and 38. Thinking about having another, but I've just turned 40 and feel haggard and old and worry about how old I'll be when any grandchildren might come along.

I really enjoyed travelling and my career in my 20s and early 30s though 🤷‍♀️

This. Or in OPs case she seems to want to prioritise a career which is fine but you do need to be realistic.

I'm a year older than you, had my first at 30 and pregnant now with my second. I want three kids, so I knew I had to start early to fit them all in without rushing...

If you want one kid or you're on the fence about having kids it's fine for you to wait imo.

If you definitely want 2 kids or more you probably do need to start soon. Around half of my friends of the same age/a year or two older have had to use IVF. I've been quite shocked how many have had fertility problems. And you need to try for a year or more before you'll qualify for help.

SOME people can get pregnant fine aged over 35 (Including MEN - remember men's sperm quality declines drastically over 40 causing three times as many miscarriages as a younger man - so you don't really want to have a baby with a man aged over 40 if you can help it).

But some people struggle. You really don't know which you'll be - by age 40 three quarters of a woman's eggs are malformed, meaning they'll cause a miscarriage and won't result in a healthy full term baby. By age 35 half of all women's eggs are malformed.

So - if kids are essential to you - try to have them before 35 imo. If they aren't essential and you won't be bothered if you can't have them - I think fine to wait until late 30s and just think 'what will be will be'... It's really how important it is to you as a life path

Depends if you want to be a 'younger' mum or not...but more important to have children with the right person!

I had my first at 31 and always wished to have children younger than this, but most importantly I feel like I've had them with the right person...so that outweighs it for me!