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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's wrong to refuse to put a father on the birth certificate

333 replies

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 19:25

I often see people on here tell the OP to refuse to put the father on the birth certificate. AIBU to think it's fundamentally wrong to deny parental rights to a child's parent and it's wrong for a baby to have a blank space on their birth certificate where their father should be unless the father is unknown because it's their birth and heritage information?

I know that women often do it to make sure the father has no say over the child because they think they know best and want to make all the decisions but I just don't think it's fair to deny parental rights to fathers.

If a father could refuse rights to the mother there would be uproar and rightly so, so why isn't it the same when women deny fathers their rights?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 14/10/2024 19:31

I see both sides but I do ultimately think that it’s important we have the option to leave a dad’s name off in certain circumstances.

I do think there should probably be more robust checks for why the name is being left off though as I agree there are absolutely situations where women use it as a control thing and that isn’t fair.

Woahtherehoney · 14/10/2024 19:29

So if a woman is raped, and she knows the identity of who raped her, he should go on the birth certificate?

Please don’t judge other women for making decisions that are protecting themselves or their children from situations you have NO IDEA about.

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 14/10/2024 19:29

Nope, I don't think it's wrong tbh.

If he cares enough he will go to court to ensure his name is on there.

The amount of men who turn abusive during pregnancy and just after birth is shocking, and I wouldn't be encouraging anyone to automatically give rights over to a man like that so he can further control her using the child.

The down side is that some good fathers will take a bit longer to get parental rights, but I'm comfortable with that.

MoneyAndPercentages · 14/10/2024 19:29

It's scary isn't it?

DS's dad isn't in the picture, we discussed it when I fell pregnant (essentially a ONS) and he didn't want anything to do with him, and I agreed to not pursue CM etc. But not once was this verified. I simply told a midwife on one occasion that he wouldn't be involved, never brought up again. Mentioned at the registry office I'd be the only parent on it, not challenged at all.

bakewellbride · 14/10/2024 19:29

Some fathers are very, very bad people and 100% should not be on the birth certificate. They are evil scum bags.

Mine wasn't on mine. He did utterly horrific things to me, sexually abused me and could have killed me (he is now dead). What good do you think could have come from having him on my birth certificate?

iNoticed · 14/10/2024 19:29

Agree.

Pandasnacks · 14/10/2024 19:28

It's not always because a mother just wants control, it can be to protect from abuse and a whole host of reasons. It's wrong if it's just for control but it's absolutely right that this is an option for women.

soupfiend · 14/10/2024 19:28

Well its not about parental rights, because parents have a responsibility as set out in law rather than rights, although there is mention of rights but this isnt generally how it works on the ground

For me its about the right of the child to have correct identification and history and heritage and information about themselves.