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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's wrong to refuse to put a father on the birth certificate

333 replies

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 19:25

I often see people on here tell the OP to refuse to put the father on the birth certificate. AIBU to think it's fundamentally wrong to deny parental rights to a child's parent and it's wrong for a baby to have a blank space on their birth certificate where their father should be unless the father is unknown because it's their birth and heritage information?

I know that women often do it to make sure the father has no say over the child because they think they know best and want to make all the decisions but I just don't think it's fair to deny parental rights to fathers.

If a father could refuse rights to the mother there would be uproar and rightly so, so why isn't it the same when women deny fathers their rights?

OP posts:
Naunet · 14/10/2024 21:10

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:08

Now you're just making things up.

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Tell me which part I’m wrong about?
Do you think women should be forced to?
Do you think men should be forced to?
Do you think there is anything wrong with men having to do their own admin?

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/10/2024 21:10

I know let's force abused women to put their abusers name on the birth certificate.
Let's see how that works out shall we.
Or let's force children to grow up with a man who couldn't give a shit about them named on a piece of paper they have to use for the rest of their lives

So long as the men are looked after eh hun

thursdaymurderclub · 14/10/2024 21:08

I can understand why some women don't put the fathers name in the birth certificate, and I will be flamed for this but if you don't want the father to have any rights, then don't then chase them for money! It just seems unfair... they are good enough to pay for the child but not good enough to have any say in its upbringing.

I accept there are circumstances where it's simply not safe or appropriate.

Original poster
HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:08

Naunet · 14/10/2024 21:07

No, but a court/police could make him, but then you’re not keen on that for some reason? So it seems you think it’s important enough that a woman should be forced to, but not important enough for a man to be forced to, or even important enough for him to have to deal with his own admin.

Edited
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Now you're just making things up.

OP posts:
Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/10/2024 21:08

Proposing something without any understanding or caring about the wider ramifications or even the principles of what you are arguing about is pretty stupid.
Its not about disagreeing it's being completely blind to and having no real understanding of what you're arguing in favour of

PattiSmithsPattis · 14/10/2024 21:07

Why is this annoying you so much @HorsePeopleAreStablePeople ? Where is your skin in the game?

Naunet · 14/10/2024 21:07

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:04

Of course it's about the child, the father should have to be on the birth certificate, I'm simply acknowledging a woman can't force a man to turn up to the registry office.

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No, but a court/police could make him, but then you’re not keen on that for some reason? So it seems you think it’s important enough that a woman should be forced to, but not important enough for a man to be forced to, or even important enough for him to have to deal with his own admin.

Journeyintomelody · 14/10/2024 21:07

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:06

I'm not thoughtless or stupid. I just don't agree with you.

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Out of touch

Original poster
HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:06

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/10/2024 21:00

Well the complete lack of thought about the ramifications of what you are suggesting is pretty stupid

I'm not thoughtless or stupid. I just don't agree with you.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/10/2024 21:06

For the eleventy billionth time, they aren't rights. They're responsibilities. Men use them as rights over the mother. But they aren't for that purpose.

Original poster
HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:04

Naunet · 14/10/2024 20:59

But I thought you said it was all about the child’s right to have both parents named, so surely that means the father should HAVE to put his name on there, or is it not really about the child at all?

Anyway, they’re not denied the opportunity, they can do it themselves, no need to fret.

Edited
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Of course it's about the child, the father should have to be on the birth certificate, I'm simply acknowledging a woman can't force a man to turn up to the registry office.

OP posts:
Journeyintomelody · 14/10/2024 21:04

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:01

Surely you can see the difference between choosing not to exercise your rights and someone actively denying them to you?

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It's got nothing to do with the father's rights but his legal parental responsibilities

He can always be added to the birth certificate, at his request following a DNA test?? It's not a dun and dusted deal.

Original poster
HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:01

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/10/2024 20:59

I'm not an idiot. I know you can't force a man to be on the birth certificate, but I didn't say that did I? I was referring to men being denied the opportunity to be on the birth certificate because the mother simply doesn't want them to be on there.

Can't force the man but you think the woman should be told to? Yeah, no.

Surely you can see the difference between choosing not to exercise your rights and someone actively denying them to you?

OP posts:
Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/10/2024 21:00

Well the complete lack of thought about the ramifications of what you are suggesting is pretty stupid

Original poster
HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 21:00

Thelnebriati · 14/10/2024 20:47

Thank God someone is finally thinking about men and their rights. Now perhaps finally you can do something about the £3.7 billion owed in unpaid child support.

Of course, it obviously tracks I don't give a shit about the unpaid child support in the whole country 🙄

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/10/2024 20:59

I'm not an idiot. I know you can't force a man to be on the birth certificate, but I didn't say that did I? I was referring to men being denied the opportunity to be on the birth certificate because the mother simply doesn't want them to be on there.

Can't force the man but you think the woman should be told to? Yeah, no.

Nursemumma92 · 14/10/2024 20:59

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 19:54

It's not about the mother and having to name her rapist. It's about the child's right to know who their father is and have it as part of their legal records because whatever kind of scumbag a father is, knowing where you come from, family history and heritage is important even if only from a medical record point of view.

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But by doing so, the 'father' has PR and is then granted legal rights to have access to the child which would then have to be dragged through the courts to have removed. In a case of an abusive partner/rapist this would be far more detrimental to a child than not having a paper record of who their father is.

In different circumstances where the mother has chosen not to add him to it for other reasons, he can apply to court to have his name added. Also if unmarried, the men have to attend the registry appointment- some don't bother.

NeverEnoughPants · 14/10/2024 20:59

MoneyAndPercentages · 14/10/2024 19:29

It's scary isn't it?

DS's dad isn't in the picture, we discussed it when I fell pregnant (essentially a ONS) and he didn't want anything to do with him, and I agreed to not pursue CM etc. But not once was this verified. I simply told a midwife on one occasion that he wouldn't be involved, never brought up again. Mentioned at the registry office I'd be the only parent on it, not challenged at all.

Unless you were married, they can't put someone's name down on the birth certificate if they aren't there to consent to it. So there's little point in them challenging it!

Naunet · 14/10/2024 20:59

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 20:57

Not at all don't be obtuse. I'm talking about all the times on here the advise is given "don't let him be on the birth certificate" which I assume means register the birth without telling him.

I'm not an idiot. I know you can't force a man to be on the birth certificate, but I didn't say that did I? I was referring to men being denied the opportunity to be on the birth certificate because the mother simply doesn't want them to be on there.

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But I thought you said it was all about the child’s right to have both parents named, so surely that means the father should HAVE to put his name on there, or is it not really about the child at all?

Anyway, they’re not denied the opportunity, they can do it themselves, no need to fret.

Edingril · 14/10/2024 20:58

They do it for themselves not their child, but these men are good enough to sleep with but nor good enough to have on a birth certificate, I presume they still want money though?

Original poster
HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 20:58

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/10/2024 20:56

Ah those poor ickle wickle menz
ffs
yeah they're the priority in all this aren't they op
poor little poppets
fuck sake the stupid on here is strong these days

You don't need to be so fucking rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 14/10/2024 20:57

Naunet · 14/10/2024 20:51

Presumably OP thinks those men should be forced to put their name on, right OP? Maybe police go and track him down and then force him to sign?

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Not at all don't be obtuse. I'm talking about all the times on here the advise is given "don't let him be on the birth certificate" which I assume means register the birth without telling him.

I'm not an idiot. I know you can't force a man to be on the birth certificate, but I didn't say that did I? I was referring to men being denied the opportunity to be on the birth certificate because the mother simply doesn't want them to be on there.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 14/10/2024 20:56

Heddwch123 · 14/10/2024 20:53

As other posters have said.. mothers also cannot put the fathers name on the BC if they’re unmarried. He actually has to be there in person.

A mother can give the information without the father being present even if unmarried

edited to add that does require a form signed by the dad though

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/10/2024 20:56

Ah those poor ickle wickle menz
ffs
yeah they're the priority in all this aren't they op
poor little poppets
fuck sake the stupid on here is strong these days

Heddwch123 · 14/10/2024 20:56

Just to add… having a blank space on my birth certificate actually made it easier for an amazing man who married my mother to adopt me and bring me up as their own.