To tell my friend that her husband is trying to cheat on her - with me?

There’s No mystery, she’s told you repeatedly, it doesn’t matter if you would have behaved differently.

I would absolutely semd thia word for word. Screen shot it too. If he replies. Block him

You could try the ‘Sorry Caroline this is a bit awkward but Gilbert has been messaging me in a jokey way and I know he’s probably just seeing it as banter but I’m not comfy with it! I’m probably being old fashioned but there it is. I’m just not a banter person…’

Then to him -

‘Hi Gilbert. Sorry to seem to be a bit po faced but can you stop with the banter type texts please. I know it’s just daft innuendo stuff but it makes me feel a bit uncomfy to be honest, I’m not into that kind of humour. I’ve said to Caroline too that I’m sorry and hope it doesn’t affect our friendship but I just don’t get on with that kind of joke! Hope that’s ok’

SO you warn him off. You let him know you’ve told her. You give her an ‘out’ - ‘Oh sorry he was just being silly!’ - while at the same time all of you KNOW exactly why you’re telling her. But it does allow the friendship to continue and no face to be lost?

Well the fact you have had social contact with him independent of him just being your friend's DH makes more sense of this situation.

I can't decide whether that makes him more of a sleaze or not.

I don't think you've done anything wrong.
You should tell her.
Almost certain he will be casting his net in more than one direction.

@ThisLoudBeaker Don't let your friend live a lie. Tell her. When it all comes out one day (because he's a cheat, if not with you) she will loose trust in you too, because you knew and did nothing. Massive betrayal.

@ThisLoudBeaker If he's doing it to you, he's likely doing it/has done it to others as well. Maybe not in your friendship group but somewhere. I'd be shocked if he's not on dating sites etc.

I think you have to make it clear that he's making you uncomfortable in writing over the texts and block him immediately.

He'll make you out to be crazy, have come onto him if you tell the wife though. Maybe you should do it anyway but just be ready for that.

You should have shut this down already.

John, take your mid life crisis elsewhere. This messages are unwelcome and completely inappropriate. They are hugely disrespectful to both me and your wife.

I would screenshot everything and show her.

I would be prepared to lose a friendship over it because it's the right think to do. I would want to know.

Oh my goodness, reading what he’s up to is making my blood boil!
Send him a very clear message that you’re not interested AND tell your friend.
If it wasn’t you he was messaging it would be someone else. Your friend needs to know what type of man she’s married to.

It's just impossible to guess why someone being recklessly propositioned by a man who knows her and knows where she lives would perhaps feel like it's safest to just make light of the situation and hope he gets the message and leaves her in peace.

I think at this stage it actually won’t look good if he tells her …

If he’s doing this to you, he’s almost certainly trying his luck with others as well.

“You need to stop sending these messages. Katie is my friend and it’s not appropriate. She would be really upset if she found out you’re doing this.”

No it’s not. It’s someone she knows personally.

That won't work. He'll delete all the messages he has, and tell his wife that the OP has been coming on to him and he's turned her down.

Evenso, come clean with her Now imo

Idmf she is your friend you should have told him.immediately tgat his messages were unwanted and .just stop rather than brushing them off.

No disrespect, but why has he been messaging you for wks? If you were off in your replies ,surely he wouldn't have continued to msg you?

If she gets suspicious about his shifty behaviour and checks his phone she’ll think that you’re complicit won't she? That’s the danger for you here. Your failure to shut it down could make it seem that you’re enjoying the attention. Other posters have accused you of this and she might too. Mutual friends will be suspicious of you too, it’ll negatively affect those relationships.

I think you need to cover yourself here, and show her the messsges. You’ll need to explain why you didn’t tell her before and she’ll probably understand. But if she does some detective work and finds the messages, she probably won’t understand.

I am so annoyed that he’s put you in this position. Scumbag.

Just out of the blue? Or have you always had communication with him? Very odd behaviour if you're not reciprocating.

He's a bloody idiot for thinking you wouldn't tell her so you might as well. Just to get him to stop if nothing else.

If you don't tell your wife what you are up to, i will
You have 48 hours and then i tell her / show her

Sorry, OP, this does sound like a horrible situation and,for what it's worth, I'm sure you aren't enjoying it!

If you're anywhere near my age, you've probably been raised to not 'cause a scene' or 'be rude', it's 'just banter/how boys are', even when it's someone making you feel incredibly uncomfortable. It's really, really hard to break free from all that.

I totally understand the position you're in OP and I think a lot of people are being harsh, why in heck would you "enjoy" this (or if you did, why would you be on here worrying about it). If someone starts off saying fairly normal things and then progresses to outright suggestions of sex it's not surprising that you've been shocked and surprised at this and not known how to respond. LOTS of people in the same situation would respond by essentially laughing it off and hoping he goes away. And clearly he won't fuck off and it's now concerning you.

NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

I once had a much milder version of this, a friend's boyfriend messaged me asking me to meet up - I messaged my friend straightaway saying "I've had a message from X about meeting up, is your phone broken? Lmk!" or similar, and funnily enough I never heard from him directly again. Whether you contact her or not is up to you but please don't take on guilt for his shit behaviour.

You cannot force more than one message onto someone while there is a block function available.

What he did was despicable.

Quite why the OP didn't close him down straight away, is still a mystery.

Eugh he's gross. I would absolutely want to know if it was my husband.

You should have told her after the first message. I doubt she will be pleased you kept it a secret.