To tell my friend that her husband is trying to cheat on her - with me?

Tell her. However she believe him not you here. Just screenshot messages and block him..

Do you have a partner OP?

Not sure why you haven't just told him to fuck off.

He must have been very sure that you’d reciprocate otherwise why would he so seriously expose his feelings to you showing in writing this making it very easy to show his his wife!

Don’t be horrible. The OP hasn’t given one hint that she is enjoying this, quite the opposite.

At the risk of making you feel less 'special' - if you don't tell her there's every chance he might love on to someone else who doesn't brush it off.

Of course, you might be the love of his life and I might be being cynical...

5iveleafclover

I am not. He is responsible for his own behaviour , as is she. For messages from him to have gone on for wks is something the OP might like to reflect on. What replies were given (or not given) for wks of messaging to have occurred

I can't understand how your first reply wasn't "what on earth makes you think sending me this is appropriate" but anyway, it's done now.

Block him, you will still have the messages and tell her. Prepare for the fallout of not shutting it done immediately, and how disappointing she may find that, however her anger should be directed at him. What a sleazy arsehole he is.

If it was the other way round I'm sure you'd want to know! Just get out into the open what a pr|ck he's being.

I've read the 'reason' she gave for allowing this to continue for weeks.

But nope, still totally mystified.

She didn't want to cause 'drama' so she allowed him to keep messaging her, asking for 'fun' while his wife (her actual friend) isn't around.

Yep, mystified.

So many of us have been raised to not cause a fuss, be nice and polite and hope it stops. I’ve started to go against this but only recently.
I was in a situation a few times where a friend’s husband openly flirted with me in front of her
I always just laughed and brushed it off whilst feeling very uncomfortable. I think he was doing it to belittle her. If he had ever contacted me though I would have told her. If a friend of mine told me that DH was messaging them this way, I wouldn’t fall out with my friend over it. This is entirely HIS fault.

Why are you putting his behaviour onto OP? OP can't answer for him.

Are you suggesting he might come and beat her up if she blocked him?

Because the OP has made absolutely no hint of being scared of this man.

Or are you writing a novel?

Tell her. He will cheat/is already cheating with another and wife will go through his messages, see the ones from you and feel betrayed. Just tell her with no expectation of what she will do.

"X this is really hard to tell you this but y has been sending me messages that I think cross a line. It's up to you what you do with this information and I will support you either way"

A friend kept my exs cheating quiet and I now don't trust said friend even though I appreciate they were in an awkward position. They chose to protect my ex is how I see it

Screenshot and send them to her. She may hate you, but at least she'll be aware of what an embarrassment he is - shitting where he eats 😡.

This is also the kind of prick who's just careless anyway, so you'll still be in for a world of grief when she catches him out.

It's not a mystery at all. If you would bother to read all OPs posts she explains. She also realises that in hindsight, she should have shut him down earlier. OP is not to blame for this. She should never have been put in this situation.

Hi @ThisLoudBeaker i was in this exact situation except the guy also actually touched my boob (accidentally apparently) when I was at their house once. That was when I told her. She blocked me and never spoke with me again.
Interestingly a mutual friend got in touch months later as the wife had been speaking to her sister about the situation and how her friend (me) had told her this torrid tale of her beloved husband flirting via text and touching her boob. Sister apparently then told my friend that he had also tried it on with her multiple times!!
Sister was believed and they ended up divorced. Friend never got back in touch but I feel relieved that at least she is free now of a creep. (He’d also done worse, but that’s a whole other thread!).

Tell her op. Or tell him to.

If my husband was messaging any woman, friend or not, in that sleazy manner, I would definitely want to know.

Actually this is a brilliant response

How long has it been going in for, and how many messages are we talking about?

If it’s several weeks, and a lot of messages, then I think you probably have to tell her. But prepare for her to blame you and for the friendship to end.

If it’s only a few messages over a shorter time, I don’t think I’d tell her. But I’d message him today saying “I haven’t said anything till now because I didn’t want to cause awkwardness, but your messages are very inappropriate, and they need to stop. Please don’t message me again”.

I think this is perfect

YABVVVVU to not having told her already. What kind of friend are you??

Absolutely this

Tell her in person what he has been doing and show her your phone so she can see the messages for herself.
Also screenshot them incase he goes on a deleting mission (he will)

Oh dear. You really should have shut this down earlier. I think you have to tell her now. If you try to shut him down now I think there’s a real danger that he will spin the narrative making you look like the bad guy.
Tbh you’re likely to lose your friend over this anyway sadly.