To tell my friend that her husband is trying to cheat on her - with me?

Are there married sleazy men and women in the world that try their luck? Yep

Never going to change and not limited to married men.

So…. given all virtual. Block him or her.

And yet again, your reading and comprehension skills have hit rock bottom.

THE MAN IS TO BLAME HERE.

And

The OP should have blocked him weeks ago and/or told her friend.

There, lets see how you can contort this one to suit your agenda 🙄

Why are you ignoring the fact the OP has acknowledged that? She said she wishes she had acted sooner.

OP a lot of people are having a go but it’s clear you’ve felt a bit stuck as you know telling your friend would blow up her life.
It is already blown married to this sleaze.
Yes you can tell him what you think of him and block him but he will keep on until he gets someone to take him up on his offer.
There are so many posters on here sensing something off with their partner scrambling around like detectives driving themselves mad.
I think you should tell her and be frank. She may not thank you for it, she may blame you, be prepared.
But if you lose a friend, and she stays with him, then that’s then on her.
You will have done the right thing.

My friend has been you in this situation OP except that she was friends with tge DH not the DW. The wife found out and phoned my friend to tear a strip off. It wasn’t the first time she had caught him out and It didn’t stop him. He’s a philanderer and knows his wife won’t leave him. This chap may be the same.

But literally all it would have taken was “block” if she didn’t feel comfortable telling him to refrain from privately messaging her

Might have missed updates as I've had this open. Sorry If so.

If she's a good friend then show her. Acknowledge the responses making light of it as she may misinterpret them as you encouraging the attention. Say you tried to deflect with humour hoping it was a joke/ drunk comment but when it became obvious he was persistent you have approached her.

It doesn't really matter what OP responded, the question would still be there 'my friend's DH messaged me inappropriately, what do I do?'. It just doesn't look great that she's tried to laugh it off rather than shut him down. Doesn't make it her fault, she just probably needs to raise it first to avoid the messenger being shot.

We do it because it has to be called out. Blaming women for male behaviour and harassment is appalling.

The OP clearly doesn't like the attention from her friend's husband, but she allowed it to go on for weeks and THAT is what many of us are querying

And yet again you comment blaming the OP.

You click the block button.

Do you really think he's going to tell his wife why her friend blocked him?

I cannot believe you let him carry on messaging after the first inappropriate one, I think you have been enjoying the attention and now getting worried its getting out of hand. Shameful behaviour !

You've nothing to lose by telling her.
You risk that your friend will find out eventually anyway and it's better to hear it from you first.

Sorry for a third post but there's an awful lot of people here trying to blame @ThisLoudBeaker for not cutting this guy off sooner. If you'd ever been in this situation (and I have) you'd know that at first you think he's messing about, then when you work out he's serious you don't know what the hell to do- if you tell your friend will they believe you and thank you warmly or will they think you're after their DH and drop you forever? Unfortunately a lot of women want to believe their DHs, they don't want to think he's a cheating git and they will shoot the messenger.

Why do people like you always do this on threads like these?

You know full well a lot of us are saying it's entirely his fault.

But that the OP should definitely have given the little button that says 'block', a click.

As adults, we do what we can to help ourselves.

The OP clearly doesn't like the attention from her friend's husband, but she allowed it to go on for weeks and THAT is what many of us are querying.

But you know that anyway 🙄

You'll always be the baddie in this situation op

Message him "Stop messaging me, I'm not interested. What do you think your wife would think of these messages? If you send any more I'm going to send them all to your wife and let her decide."
If he doesn't take that warning and stop the consequences are on his own head.

I would never forgive a friend if this was happening and she chose not to tell me. And the friendship will not automatically end because of it, a close friend has been in this situation and it only strengthened their friendship because she was the only one of several who knew, that respected her enough to tell her!

Its a shit situation all-round but honestly imagine if she finds out it was happening and you HADN'T said anything, that's way worse :(

Absolutely.... true friendship is based on honesty. If you don't tell her you aren't her friend.

I agree with many others here, the way you have handled this is appalling.

Either these messages are really nothing untoward (stupid of him to put it in writing if he was being sleazy) and the OP has excitedly read in to them incorrectly

OR

he really did think the Op was keen (because because she has been flirty with him) so for some unfathomable reason decided to put his sleaziness in writing and start pursuing the Op, in which case the Op quite clearly didn’t shut it down and here we are….

I would certainly tell her.
Its awful but I would tell her.

I am in a similar situation.
Only that the OW entertains my DH's messages and prompts.
When I am around she pretends she is not interested however given an opportunity they seem to want to be all over each other.
Just imagine seeing your DH lusting for OW that he cannot control himself?

Please tell her and be there for her.

Regardless of how you go about it, your friendship with this woman is over, and the odds that she will blame you and forgive him are 99.99%. It sucks but it is what it is. So you can go about it anyway you like, really- the result will be the same.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Tell him to fuck off and block.

Honestly why do people make things more complicated than it needs to be.

"She allowed it to continue for weeks". "She allowed HIM to keep messaging her"

There we have it folks. It's all the woman's fault when we receive unwanted male 'attention'. No criticism of the creepy, slimy male behaviour. Interesting.

or indeed the very first whiff that something inappropriate… stopped engaging

but it would appear the Op carried on engaging. And on…

OP - I think you are secretly flattered - otherwise you would have shut it down from the 1st message