To tell my friend that her husband is trying to cheat on her - with me?

Unfortunately social conditioning has done a number on you, OP. I'm not blaming you - we're so taken with the idea that we shouldn't rock the boat, and worried that we are making a fuss.
However, your friend may not see it like this, and you need to be prepared for her to take umbrage at your handling of things so far and hold you accountable, even though he's the one that is wholly to blame.

You know that you need to tell her, and you need to tell him to stop, that he's a creep, and block him.

You probably should tell her but be prepared to lose the friendship.

People can be funny and she may not react the way you might think and she probably will not thank you for it. She may blame you or she may not

You should have cut this nonsense in the bud from the start by telling him to back off. Text him today and tell him to bug off or you will tell his wife.

It may not be to you, but some people it really is. There’s always the worry of what reaction you’ll get.

IMO you’re just as bad as he is for allowing it to carry on and not telling him to stop- he will turn this around onto you if she does find out.
if he’s doing it to you he’ll be doing it to other women. Tell her before he does and you’re the one to blame.

Candaceowens

I'm tending to agree here. I'd be miffed at the pair of you tbh

To be honest I don't understand why you're even replying to him at all. I'd be angry at you for that if I was her (in addition to being angry at him).

Lesson learnt OP. Men don't do "hints". They are predatory, entitled and egotistical in a way that few (if any) women are. They are used to women smiling politely at their vile sexual and misogynistic remarks. As women we're conditioned not to offend male egos or otherwise be accused of not understanding "banter". I've played into this role myself when I was younger and it makes me sick to my stomach to think of it now I'm in my sixties.

You should tell the wife and then block them both. You can't see this man again in your regular group setting and you may (probably will) lose the wife as a friend but if it all comes out you will anyway.

Yes, this.
I actually thought what you did.
It's not difficult to tell a man to FO.

Absolutely spot on.

She still needs to block him though.

Yes, at first the OP says they were 'flirty, suggestive, and hinting at more'

And she said she 'hasn't outright told him to stop'.

Then it transpired he basically asked her for sex.

She needs to take and keep screen shots.

I'd literally just send screenshots. No way I'm getting caught up in other people's drama.

I had this with one of my best friend's husband though it was just a single message. I didn't know what to do so I showed it to another mutual bestie and we agreed I'd just ignore it. In the mean time (several years later) his wife has told us girls as a group how her husband has been accused of things by her wider family - stories they've heard - that he "couldn't possibly of done" and that they are just jealous. I have my doubts of course but have stayed silent as I don't want to be the one to blow up her world.

If this guy is behaving like this to you then he may well be to others too and her world may well implode at some point anyway without your input. Question is do you want to be the one to bring her world down? Personally I wouldn't and didn't but that doesn't of course mean you shouldn't. Really tough one - probably no right or wrong answer. If you don't tell her then just be prepared on what to say if she does find out.

@ShowerOfShites OK, so she blocks him, and no, he's not going to say anything in front of his wife unless he's an idiot. What happens after? The Ops never going to be comfortable around him again, he may start trying in person instead and then there's no evidence to show his wife. The only person here who's at fault is the slimebag DH, I'd bet money it's not just @ThisLoudBeaker he's tried it on with

This thread is ridiculous and doing my head in! I can't stand unnecessary dithering.

Someone sends an inappropriate message to you, you block them. Simple. You don't even need to say a thing. You can even tell his wife immediately. Why keep his creepy secret?!

If the same person comes at you again in some other way that he's managed to find to contact you with inappropriate message or behaviour, you immediately tell his wife or threaten him with telling his wife if he doesn't stop this minute!

Third time lucky! If anything else untoward happens or is said, tell his wife. No warning! No secret.

Any one would be foolish to blame you for their husband's behaviour. If they do, feel free to walk away from such foolish and obviously dysfunctional couple.

I also think you should tell her. His messages are car worse than your first implied.

😀No answer.

A friend of mine was in this exact situation, she told her friend and her friend blew up with her and stayed with him, they was best friends since primary school age and they haven’t spoken since. they are family and she will no doubt forgive him. Personally I would tell him to fuck right off and block him but keep my mouth shut.

I see others have also surmised that he's doing this to several women, not just you. It's a real bummer that it's not feasible to check with all the other women he knows - it isn't though.

Good on you for deciding to tell her If there's any dialogue with her after you've dropped your bombshell, it could be worth suggesting that she or you both try to investigate. She'll be checking his messages I'm sure, so perhaps she'll find out for herself.

What an absolute dickhead. Sorry he's dumped you in this situation.

Oh go and pull someone else's pigtails.

You're boring me now.

Stop with the gaslighting. I don't have an agenda and you know it. Why do posters like you have to start insulting people, always with the "comprehension" bullshit. Can you not debate like an adult? Why are you so angry? I have my suspicions.

THE MAN IS TO BLAME HERE
The OP should have blocked him weeks ago and/or told her friend

Why did you feel the need to add in the repeated sentence about OPs 'responsibility' if the man is to blame?

You need to tell her. You’re certainly not the only one

or indeed

just ignoring and not ever responding

How is clicking a button 'confrontation'?

Just say I thought he was joking but turns out he's a massive sleazeball, sorry.

Then block them both.

Why do so many simply not understand that some people really struggle with confrontation? It’s a very awkward situation, it’s not remotely OPs fault, and she has been hoping it would all go away by itself or just turn out to be a misunderstanding. It is not OP’s responsibility to stop this prick’s appalling behaviour. It is his responsibility not to do the appalling behaviour in the first place.