To tell my friend that her husband is trying to cheat on her - with me?

I take it you're single, OP? If not, I'd be getting the other half to wade in and warn him off.

Generally, you need to screen shot all of his messages and block him.

If he's prepared to do that so close to home he's absolutely trying elsewhere.

Your poor friend deserves to know but I understand your hesitance, considering it could massively affect your friendship.

Yes I think this works as well as anything. It seeks to deescalate and provides a reason as to why op was bantery back. Friend might still be livid… but I think this is as much as op can do at this juncture.

It's just a horrible situation to be in. There are no winners here. The only good that could come of it is that it opened the OP's eyes to how some men behave and might strengthen her boundaries in the future.
Women are socialised from a young age to please people, manage male emotions, and not rock the boat.
A lot of men wouldn't give the time of day to a woman they didn't find attractive, so they project this same thought process onto women. If a women doesn't immediately shut them down then they assume there is interest there. To us it's just friendly chatter, we don't tend to ignore people we don't find attractive, because that feels rude ,also men are unpredictable and don't take rejection well. So we learn to 'let them down gently' and handle their emotions for our safety.
Now as someone older. I make it crystal clear that there is no attraction from the off and shut down men pretty quickly if there is no attraction. Its sad really that some men just can't be friends with women. But I learned the hard way as a young woman, that just being friendly and pleasant to some men was misconstrued as a green light to get inappropriate.

Some of your responses were definitely flirty (the haha you're a joker) even if you didn't intend them to be.
I would have blocked him first time.

You can't show her now as she will rightly feel you've been going along with it... just block him.

I’m not surprised with the amount of people here frothing at the mouth and falling over themselves to blame her for his shitty behaviour.

in any event, the Op has wandered off

back to messaging no doubt

That gets to the nub too.

Friend’s sleazy husband messaging me

Well it gets to the nub of the issue.
How would you have written the title ?

Even the very thread title indicates to me that the Op is somewhat of a Drama Llama

Perfect Imo

Op let us know how you get on
.

I’d have screenshot it and blocked him with the first message and showed the friend.

OP is wanting to find a way forward with this. It’s not trying to blame her at all: it’s trying to navigate the reality that her friend will want to blame her. That’s how it goes. Shoot the messenger.

I fully grasp how op has ended up in this predicament; but it’s not my DH sending her the texts. It’s important op approaches it with her friend so it stacks up. However much you may expect the friend to say “ op was just put in an awkward position” that is not going to be the friend’s first reaction. She is going to feel betrayal from all quarters.

I agree; that's a great message.

This message is perfect. OP - send this today and then block him. When your friend finds and eventually goes through his phone (likely) she'll see it.

This is a great response.

If your friend finds out and you haven't told her he will twist it that you came on to him.
If you tell her he will twist it that you came on to him.

I do hope you kept screenshots of his messages.

In no uncertain terms, message him (so you have proof), to stop it immediately, or you will have to tell your friend. Do NOT respond to any of his, I didn't mean it like that messages.
What a creep, your poor friend.

I remember now when I lived abroad I got to know an American woman married to a local, there were so precious few people to speak to and my ex was hideously controlling (stereotypical of the region) and out of nowhere I got an email from him.

I forwarded it to her and said did he mean to email me? It’s not appropriate in this region to do this and Id prefer to keep comms between me and her only

she came back with some wet excuse for him but I think the friendship petered out after that

probably the flip side of the shitty coin those shitty creatures play. Cut her off from friends or potentially fish in a pond outside his own backyard he probably saw it as a win/win situation

You’re not in the wrong, he is, but hindsight is a wonderful thing and now clearly you should have been firmer with your responses rather than “you’re such a joker”. I can see why you wouldn’t want to rock the boat and now you have to sink it.

Either:
Stop messaging me. It’s unwanted and inappropriate. Any more messages like this and I will tell your wife.
Or:
Tell your friend what’s been happening. Prepare for the fallout.

Tell her definitely. You should of told him to stop the first time he did it.

The misogyny in this thread is unreal.

This man has caused this situation by messaging the OP and putting her in a difficult position.

What you would do in this situation or how quick you would shut it down is irrelevant. All OP is looking for is whether she should tell her friend that her H is a fucking creep. She's not looking for a character assassination 🙄

I would tell my friend as I would want to know in her situation.

Don't answer these OP. Yet another one who's trying to blame you and can't be bothered to read your posts.

Increasingly I’m thinking that would only expose how facilitative op has been

What was the actual wording of the joker one? ( or your least encouraging response?)

Problem is we don’t know exactly what these messages say.

Increasingly I’m thinking that would only expose how facilitative op has been. We can’t really advise properly without understanding what’s been said both ways op.

If you don’t want to tell us the flirtier ones, can you give us your most censorious so that we can see how to morph that into a “ look I’ve tried to convey this is not happening, not on” response? It’s potentially tricky if in fact you haven’t sent anything like that. What was the actual wording of the joker one? ( or your least encouraging response?)

fair enough if you’re not one for confrontation

fair enough if you regard blocking as confrontation and you’re not confident to do so

but what about the third option of… just not responding?