Secret phone calls…

This post is far too logical. !
Are you not aware of the MN standards ?

I will remind you...
when it comes to men who have children with an ex , and the new partner feels uneasy about ANYTHING .. then the answer must always be that the new partner is controlling/jealous/interfering and of course completely unreasonable. Why on earth would you EXPECT your partner to make telephone calls to his kids in his own home - where you also live. Are you mad

When it comes to an ex wife/partner who is mother to the sainted children , then said mother is equally sainted and can do no wrong , no matter what kind of batshit requirement she has directed her spineless ex to comply with.

From her point of view...
She was divorced from the father of her children, but still had feelings for him clearly as she was sleeping with him either when or after you came on the scene.
God knows what line he was spinning her to keep her on side as a fuck buddy when she had married him and had his children... It was never going to be without feelings for her was it.

Then you put a stop to that (rightly from your point of view - but what did that mean to her at the time, did you scupper her reconciliation hopes?)

Now she bad mouths you and he tolerates it.

I can see why she's upset, though she's directing her anger at the wrong person.

The only question is why two women are allowing themselves to be treated like their feelings are irrelevant while he takes his sexual pleasure (not caring about loyalty to either of you, neither of you are respected) and his ego is massaged by being caught in the middle, with both women focused on their rivalry and competition for him and not his terrible morals and boundaries.

Why oh why would you bring children into this.

Is this man really worth being pined over by both you and his ex? He really doesn’t sound deserving of that in any way.

Get better influences for your DS and be free if this drama.

I'd say it's quite normal to take or receive phonecalls alone. Most people I know would leave the room out of politeness and privacy, both for their caller and the others around who don't want it need to hear the convo.
I guess it's because she said she wanted him to do it. But to get defensive over it makes it seem like you actually do want to eavesdrop a bit. Which isn't really that cool.

2nd wives and stepmothers tend to get a rough deal here .. but having been both, I have personally experience the games that a jealous and insecure ex can play - it's not pretty, especially when the new husband is being manipulated by guilt. You and more importantly your husband need to set clear boundaries and work as a team.

I do think you made a mistake taking him back after you found out he was sleeping with his ex wife (was this before or after you had your baby?!).

Only you know if you’re happy to put up with this in the long term. He does not sound like he’s going to change anytime soon and the worst thing you can do is be with someone that you are always hoping is going to change.

Bigger problems than a phonecall, and as usual it's the bairns that will suffer.

Have you read OP's updates?

It's a weird thing for her to request but then you don't actually need to be there anyway so I wouldn't push it.

Well fuck him off then because he's obviously still shagging her, or at least thinking about it.

If you can't do it for you, do it for your son.

This, were you the other woman/did she know about you when sleeping with him?

Ah drip feed! No I don’t think he needs to be alone to talk to ex. The children are a different matter.

The whole thing sounds awful . How did you end up getting so embroiled ?

@EmpressTrinTrin don’t listen to people who are telling you to butt out. He is YOUR husband know and you have a right to hear what they’re talking about. Regardless of whether they have kids together. Also you’re not exactly a stranger and you won’t do anything malicious with the information, sensitive or otherwise.

The ex wife is awful for trying to make him keep secrets from you.

Personally, I think he’s still emotionally invested. he’s slept with her multiple times and having secret chats….
I don’t think this will end well

I agree. I don’t think you need to be “about” ( ie listening in?) when he calls his children or his ex.
That’s a part of his world that pre-dates you but exists. In short, I wouldn’t want a new partner of my dad’s within earshot. He’s chosen you, but they haven’t and why should they have to feel you might be privy to their conversations with their own dad?

What a horrible situation. Yes of course your son needs his dad, but he can grow up having a relationship with his dad whatever you decide to do now. What your son won't need is growing up watching his mum feeling miserable because she's in a toxic relationship.

But his dad's a lying piece of shit.

Is this who you want your son influenced by?

Did you hear from her own mouth that this is what she wants or just from him? Sounds an excuse so he can speak to her, not the dc. I like privacy while making calls as well so I can concentrate on what is being discussed, but I don't leave the damn house.