Secret phone calls…

So I’ve been on the other side. I’ve been the ex wife and can understand where she is coming from. My ex husband spoke to my badly when the new wife was there, I constantly felt that she was listening in and judging and I ask so felt that it was my conversation with the father of my children is what I wanted.
Personally I feel that you are being unreasonable and this has nothing to do with you.

Having a low bar and forgiving him for cheating on you with his ex 'many times' has lead you here. He's probably still doing it now and then, as there were no consequences before.
If you don't respect yourself, no man will either.

You and the ex wife should be joining forces really, he’s playing you both for fools.

Divorces her, still gets sex from her when it suits him. Shacks up with you and gets a baby from you, still having sex with his ex when it suits him.

And he has the two of you fighting over him!! Hopefully he has a job in sales because he must be very charming.

His FATHER could look after him?

And also this. Get your ducks in a row so that once you feel able to you can leave him. He's an arsehole.

And also this. Get your ducks in a row so that once you feel able to you can leave him. He's an arsehole.

Well that puts a slightly different spin on it then.

In my mind phone calls are generally private between the two people speaking. If it’s FaceTime and so on speaker, helpful when talking to eg more than one child at a time, then I absolutely hate when other people stick their oar in and start joining in the conversation so I would take it somewhere private.

That doesn’t mean I’m saying anything I would be unhappy with others hearing, I just feel self conscious on the phone and would rather not have other people milling around in the background while I’m talking to someone. I tend to close my eyes while speaking to focus on the other person so any distractions can make it hard for me to concentrate.

If that distraction were the woman my husband chose over me then of course that would be hard to deal with, so I totally see why she doesn’t want your voice in her house. If she has the DCs in a communal room while phoning their dad she will be able to hear and see the call and doesn’t want you to be part of it.

My ex DP used to FaceTime his kids while sitting next to me on the sofa and his ex would chime in and I just hated the sound of her voice, her pushy attitude and general demeanor so it would put me in a bad mood just hearing her while relaxing on my sofa.

While she’s technically the ex, if he cheated on you with her she sees you as the other woman and doesn’t want to hear you or know you can hear her if she’s supervising her DCs on the phone.

Some of the responses on here are just vile. Do some of you come on here just to make someone who is already struggling feel worse? I know it’s a place where you can voice your opinion but Jesus - have some compassion. @SaltySallyAnne to tell someone they are ‘moaning’ when they are clearly struggling mentally is brutal. She is 7 months post birth - this is a lot to deal with regardless.

@EmpressTrinTrin you have to make it a slow plan to leave . Start detaching mentaly . Is there a spare room ?
Look for new work . He’s at home all day he can have baby .
Also get your name down for nursery places so that you have a back up when you do leave if he doesn’t step up .

There is no reason you can’t get work now that you have said he only works 6 hours at night.
I know it’s hard when you have a bay you expected to stay at home with .
Your reality is very different though . The sooner you get back to work and make money to leave the better and happier ypu and your baby will be.

Good luck .

Also you can claim UC as a single person while
living together as long as it’s just sharing a roof while getting your own place . If you are seperated not sleeping together not doing anything for him. Cooking washing cleaning . Life admin, then you are single and can make a claim . This would allow you save but would he be ok with that or would It cause a problem while you save for a place . Either that or work at day time and he does childcare .

Why can't he take care of the baby at night while you work?

What would your hours be?

I’m very sorry for you and your situation

Do you have family or any friends? You’re in a difficult situation and if I were you I would go and speak to women’s aid.

this man is horrible to you and gas lighting you. You need help out if this situation

So why did you decide to bring a poor innocent baby into this mess? You had choices, you chose to make bad ones not only for you, but for your child

Why can't you go back to your job?

You had the means before getting pregnant though surely? Jesus wept

yawn, so this is just another woman procreating with someone who doesn’t respect her and then moaning about the consequences

Oh FFS 🤦‍♀️

He’ll still be his dad….🤷‍♀️

The infidelity I assume was happening before you lumbered yourself with a baby? So now it’s just excuses. If you want out, there’s ways to get out and charities that can support you. I suspect you don’t want out, you just want the man you love to not be a cunt. I’m sorry to break it to you, that man will always be shit and you’ll always resent him for dipping his wick in his ex wife and now having the constant reminder via his children. You can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves.

at this point, get out or put up and shut up, you’ve already told this man you’ll accept being disrespected he is doing what you’ve shown him is ok.